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A delicate problem

(85 Posts)
Aveline Sun 16-Aug-26 19:05:18

How do you tell someone they're a bit whiffy? A family member has recently started to smell. It's quite noticeable and really pretty unpleasant. I can't think how to mention it or even if I should mention it. I suspect that others will have detected it and I was hoping that someone else might have said something. However, on today's experience they have not.
I remember this being an issue at work once and HR said that the person's manager had to inform them of their personal hygiene being inappropriate in this work environment.
However, this is not at work.
What to do? Any ideas?

Plevey08 Sun 16-Aug-26 21:03:50

I've seen her on a Tele programme years ago. Primrose. Amazing accuracy! I've smelt old persons smell on a few as well Petra. Not on me though 🤣

Patsy70 Sun 16-Aug-26 21:04:10

Well Lathyrus3 you might smell in this hot weather, but personally I make a point of not smelling! 😳 I realise that it is a sensitive subject, but I hate body odour and unpleasant smells, so would avoid close proximity or find a way of diplomatically telling them. Not easy, is it?

Plevey08 Sun 16-Aug-26 21:10:37

Yep... slightly damp clothes put in the wardrobe too soon stink greyfur.

saltnshake Sun 16-Aug-26 21:45:04

Old person smell caused by nonenal. Use Japanese persimmon soap. Available on Amazon and other retailers.

Lathyrus3 Sun 16-Aug-26 22:49:50

Patsy70

Well Lathyrus3 you might smell in this hot weather, but personally I make a point of not smelling! 😳 I realise that it is a sensitive subject, but I hate body odour and unpleasant smells, so would avoid close proximity or find a way of diplomatically telling them. Not easy, is it?

Everybody smells of something.

🤣🤣🤣

Sadgrandma Sun 16-Aug-26 23:02:22

Personally I think you owe it to this person to tell them what you have noticed. I would say something like ‘please don’t be offended but I know you would rather I mentioned it to you in case other people might notice’. Make it clear that no one else has said anything to you though. Suggest perhaps that deodorant isn’t effective enough in this hot weather. Of course they will probably be upset but I’m sure they would be grateful for you telling them. I know I certainly would rather than to think people were talking behind my back.

Curlywhirly Sun 16-Aug-26 23:23:19

It would depend on how close a relationship you have with the person. I could quite easily tell my husband or sons they had started to smell, and I would fully expect them to tell me if I did, no.offence taken, just grateful to be told. But other than very close family, it's a tricky one.

Rocketstop2 Sun 16-Aug-26 23:53:14

Could you tell a white lie and say you have been asked to do some market research and you have to find two more people to do it.Then say its a shampoo brand you have to test out,and give the person a bottle of sweet smelling shampoo.Tell them They have to use it at least twice a week and then report if it has made their hair stay fresh smelling.Say you are enjoying testing it.Worth a try?

butterandjam Mon 17-Aug-26 00:11:58

Aveline

Good suggestion but not sure I've got the nerve to actually do it. The person might never speak to me again and I'd hate that. I'll keep thinking.

I'd mention it framed as " You and I trust each other completely so I know if I ever had this problem , you'd tell me right away ".

Some odours (that aren't leaks) are linked to serious health issues that need to be investigated. It's a surprising list.

iere.org/what-diseases-can-be-detected-by-smell/#google_vignette

BlueBelle Mon 17-Aug-26 07:29:18

Oh crikey I d be mortified if someone said that to me Butterandjam and we don’t know if this person has a close relationship with poster

I think a lot depends on how close a relationship it is, if it’s your sister or mum or daughter then a think a kind conversation would be the best
If a more distant relationship then maybe have a quiet word with their close relative mum daughter aunt etc

Oreo Mon 17-Aug-26 09:11:19

Plevey08

I've seen her on a Tele programme years ago. Primrose. Amazing accuracy! I've smelt old persons smell on a few as well Petra. Not on me though 🤣

We wouldn’t know on ourselves, that’s the rub.
And talking of rubs, as the poster above says, Persimmon soap keeps old person smells away.

Nurseundercover Mon 17-Aug-26 13:53:30

Could you start a conversation about the difficulties you are experiencing ensuring you remain fresh during the hot weather.
Explain that you are having to have frequent showers and hair washing, as you would be so embarrassed if anyone felt that you were smelling unpleasantly.
Go onto to say the water companies can’t expect people to not wash thoroughly. This suggests the conversation whilst personal is also generic topic too. Just a thought smile

Prancer Mon 17-Aug-26 13:54:51

Yes another vote for Persimmon soap. Ours comes with a mesh bag that helps to scrub and exfoliate the skin.
Old person smell is called 2 nonenal
The greases on the skin are harder to wash away as you age My DH and I will let the other know if we are a bit whiffy smile

Grandmotherto8 Mon 17-Aug-26 14:01:45

As an ex secondary school teacher, I occasionally had to speak to students about their personal hygiene. I remember one incident when I had a lesson after lunch with a group of 17/18 year old boys. Some of them had been into the local town during their lunch break and got caught in a heavy shower. I was sat at a computer next to 'Peter', and we worked away. I noticed an overpowering aroma and said to the group 'what on earth is that terrible smell?' No-one replied and we all continued working. After the class a couple of the boys came to me and said 'Miss, it was Peter you could smell'. I was mortified but Peter had not seemed troubled my question. I thought about it, as I had not noticed him smelling before. I think that sat in his wet clothes in a warm centrally heated classroom had led to his clothes gently drying and emitting sweat from his clothes. His friends said that there was always a problem with his hygiene so I grasped the nettle and had a private chat with him. I explained that if you are wearing clothing for a couple of days, the fresh sweat on top of the older dry sweat can lead to body odour. I told him that if he ever needed to wash his clothes he could do it at school, not every family has the resources to do regular washes. Many schools, particularly primaries, help families out in this way.

butterandjam Mon 17-Aug-26 14:03:53

BlueBelle

Oh crikey I d be mortified if someone said that to me Butterandjam and we don’t know if this person has a close relationship with poster

I think a lot depends on how close a relationship it is, if it’s your sister or mum or daughter then a think a kind conversation would be the best
If a more distant relationship then maybe have a quiet word with their close relative mum daughter aunt etc

I'd be really grateful.

Far better to find out from a family member than a complete stranger on a bus, or HR at work.

Stella14 Mon 17-Aug-26 14:06:02

Aveline

I know. I think I'll have to just leave it and try not to be in a confined space with the person. Just thought I'd try asking in case anyone had had a similar situation.

You say it’s recent. If that’s the case, it could indicate a new health problem.

MT62 Mon 17-Aug-26 14:38:26

I once had to tell someone they had a problem with their breath, I really didn’t want to be the one to tell them but other work colleagues were complaining. Turns out later down the line they had a tumour in the saliva gland.
Once that was discovered I didn’t feel as bad.

Colls Mon 17-Aug-26 14:43:47

Please try to find out if there is a practical reason things have changed. There might be a good reason they are unable to wash as they once did. Mobility etc,
Some older people have to resort to washing at the sink if they dare not get into the bath any more.

Olderthanidlike Mon 17-Aug-26 15:39:30

Tell them politely and offer to help. I'd rather someone do that than having people gossiping about me behind my back dressed up as concern.

WithNobsOnIt Mon 17-Aug-26 16:51:35

Unless it's a killer, down wind armpit smell which you had to put up on regular basis. Just limit contact. Or it could be something serious and medical.

If the smell is overpowering and smells fruity and of urine and the person sweats a lot. And is really lingering and sickening.They could have a serious alcohol problem. It's called Alcoholic Body Odour.

Hope it s none of these and the person can sort it out.But l would tell them.

Good Luck
🤞

Bazza Mon 17-Aug-26 17:09:32

I’d certainly want to be told if I was smelly. However, call me a coward but I would find it very difficult to tell someone apart from close family that they were whiffy. Some good kind ideas on this thread though. Good luck!

MT62 Mon 17-Aug-26 17:11:30

Tell you what I am smelling more & more of, is cannabis.
Bloke stood in front of me this morning at the post office 60s, ‘if a day’Absolutely reeked.
Our town centre smells of it when you walk past certain buildings. In fact I’ve seen people smoking it quite the thing in the middle of town. Nobody seems to give a fig.
Just horrible.

Narnia Mon 17-Aug-26 17:17:16

HelterSkelter1

There is a special soap for old person smell. Sorry can't remember the name of it. A clever GN will know.

You could buy a bar or 2 and say you have bought it for you to use OP as you can't bear the thought of someone thinking you smell in this hot weather. And you really like it. Would you like to try it smell relly?

Persimmon soap

25Avalon Mon 17-Aug-26 17:18:50

In olden days you would have carried a scented hankie and held it to your nose ever time there was an unpleasant smell. I suppose you could spray perfume on your sleeve and hold your wrist up to your nose.

coral2 Mon 17-Aug-26 17:48:36

I would take them to one side and tell them they may have an issue with smell detection i dont mind if they never speak again I always tell people if something is amiss men with there zip undone and dresses tucked up knickers