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A delicate problem

(85 Posts)
Aveline Sun 16-Aug-26 19:05:18

How do you tell someone they're a bit whiffy? A family member has recently started to smell. It's quite noticeable and really pretty unpleasant. I can't think how to mention it or even if I should mention it. I suspect that others will have detected it and I was hoping that someone else might have said something. However, on today's experience they have not.
I remember this being an issue at work once and HR said that the person's manager had to inform them of their personal hygiene being inappropriate in this work environment.
However, this is not at work.
What to do? Any ideas?

Delila Tue 18-Aug-26 19:37:45

No, I’d have recognised that cheesy smell from damp clothes NotSpaghetti. It wasn’t that.
But Plevey, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head re my students - dirty clothes overlaid with several layers of body-spray. They still looked wonderful, regardless.

I wonder if any of this is ringing bells for you, Aveline?

Plevey08 Tue 18-Aug-26 19:24:15

A fruity smell can also be diabetes.
Cannibis smell is horrible too.
But what I really can't stand and it's mostly teenagers, who spray the in trend body spray/all over them day after day. You can tell they haven't showered and their clothes smell like they need a wash. Lots of them do it. It is gross! Many people don't have a clue as to how much perfume they use either. I've been stuck on public transport, cafes, restaurants next to them and it's totally over-powering. It used to be a little on your wrists and behind the ears. Not any more.

NotSpaghetti Tue 18-Aug-26 19:04:01

Damp environments permeate clothes. So does drying them indoors. I guess this was the student's situation.
But I expect the OP knows this about damp.

Delila Tue 18-Aug-26 18:54:27

I sat next to two student-aged people at the dentist’s recently. They both looked lovely, clean and fashionably-dressed, but they smelled really awful. It wasn’t breath or hair - I think it must have been unwashed clothes. I couldn’t think what else could be the source of the smell.
I think it’s unfortunate that we can’t smell ourselves 😖

kircubbin2000 Tue 18-Aug-26 18:37:38

My daughter had to tell her cousin this. Her mother lived a natural life no make up walk to school no tv etc .As her daughter became a teen she did not encourage to shower or wash her hair and when she went to stay with my daughter for a uni uni interview she just had to tell her she needed to shower and use deoderant.

Nell82 Tue 18-Aug-26 18:28:45

If it's a young man my money would be on his trainers. My sons showered and changed clothes daily having tackled their armpits with great blasts of Lynx. Then they set off wearing their one and only very expensive pair of trainers which never had a chance to dry out and air properly.

Another culprit could be cheap, synthetic footwear which can pong when it warms up.

This is getting tantalising, Aveline I hope you can identify the source soon and let us know grin

Aveline Tue 18-Aug-26 13:58:49

62Granny read the thread

yogitree Tue 18-Aug-26 13:28:26

Sarnia

Nell82

Do you know an enfant terrible who could spend some time alone in an enclosed space with this person?

Yes that would work. No holding back with children. Say it like it is. grin

Yes my DGD recently said, why are Papa's legs all bent?

NotSpaghetti Tue 18-Aug-26 13:09:03

Cossy

Btw, how ever embarrassing it is, I’d far rather someone actually told me than just let it continue. flowers

Me too.
That really isn't very kind.

Gummie Tue 18-Aug-26 12:55:31

Depends on who it is and your relationship to them.

62Granny Tue 18-Aug-26 12:50:14

If it's an elderly person are they having problems getting in and out of the bath or shower these days so just resorting to a quick wash at the sink? Nothing you can do about it without causing offence or offering to help them bath/ shower and it doesn't sound like you have that type of relationship.

Cossy Tue 18-Aug-26 12:39:22

One nor me!! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Cossy Tue 18-Aug-26 12:39:00

Me of our DS absolutely stank around the end of puberty, around 17-19 years old and before I had the chance to address it, some manager at his pt job did it, and none too discretely, he was mortified. If it’s a male and within ir close to this age range, I’d speak up.

Cossy Tue 18-Aug-26 12:36:00

Indiebee

I did once tell a male colleague at work that his jacket needed dry-cleaning. It smelled of sweat. He didn't seem to mind, or he covered up any embarassment well. I think he did deal with that jacket, but there were other jackets...! I couldn't say it again for each one!

Sorry but 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Cossy Tue 18-Aug-26 12:35:35

Primrose53

I was reading about a lady who had such a keen sense of smell that she could pick out people who have parkinson’s and cancer. She was tested over and over in rooms with people who had parkinson’s and those who had not and the results were amazingly accurate.

Maybe your family person is not well. If it were me and a family member of mine I would tactfully suggest a GP visit.

I agree flowers

Sarnia Tue 18-Aug-26 12:29:40

Nell82

Do you know an enfant terrible who could spend some time alone in an enclosed space with this person?

Yes that would work. No holding back with children. Say it like it is. grin

Indiebee Tue 18-Aug-26 12:09:14

I did once tell a male colleague at work that his jacket needed dry-cleaning. It smelled of sweat. He didn't seem to mind, or he covered up any embarassment well. I think he did deal with that jacket, but there were other jackets...! I couldn't say it again for each one!

winifred01 Tue 18-Aug-26 11:44:08

Persimmon soap

Aveline Tue 18-Aug-26 10:15:40

It's a side issue but I remember our doctors always saying that they could smell schizophrenia clinic. Something to do with the medication? I wish I'd asked.

Patsy70 Tue 18-Aug-26 09:40:39

I love the smell of horses, even pigs! However, somehow I don’t think Aveline’s relative smells quite like that. As others have said, it could be health related, in which case it needs to be addressed.

RillaofIngleside Tue 18-Aug-26 08:52:29

They haven't started a new hobby have they? Some of my family ride horses, and there is always horsey smell on them. It isn't pleasant but no point saying anything.

Mollygo Tue 18-Aug-26 08:30:40

Aveline

This is not an old person.

Had this problem with one DGS. It never used to be a problem but then I began to notice either less frequent washing or maybe infrequent change of clothes.
I tried, “Thanks for mowing the lawn/walking the dog/ picking the fruit etc. Would you like a shower now you're all sweaty.” He always accepted, but we didn’t see him that often, so it didn’t solve the problem.
Then when he started to come round for peace and quiet to revise/study, DH was more straightforward. He just told him he needed to shower more often in his teens then asked if he needed more tops so he had time for things to dry after washing.

5geecees Tue 18-Aug-26 07:26:41

One approach might be to start a conversation saying that you've noticed some people seem to smell in the hot weather and ask this person if they think you do and that you'd rather someone tells them that to not realise it yourself. Then they may ask about themselves or you could take the conversation on from there depending on their response.

sazz1 Tue 18-Aug-26 00:24:22

I think I would say in all this hot weather I'm sweating so much more and going through lots of deodorant. As soon as I get out of the shower I'm hot again. Lots of smelly people on the bus / shop / supermarket too. Have you noticed that?

crazyH Mon 17-Aug-26 23:14:04

All I can say is, I hope none of use here on GN have the ‘old person smell’….