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A delicate problem

(29 Posts)
Aveline Sun 16-Aug-26 19:05:18

How do you tell someone they're a bit whiffy? A family member has recently started to smell. It's quite noticeable and really pretty unpleasant. I can't think how to mention it or even if I should mention it. I suspect that others will have detected it and I was hoping that someone else might have said something. However, on today's experience they have not.
I remember this being an issue at work once and HR said that the person's manager had to inform them of their personal hygiene being inappropriate in this work environment.
However, this is not at work.
What to do? Any ideas?

Plevey08 Sun 16-Aug-26 21:10:37

Yep... slightly damp clothes put in the wardrobe too soon stink greyfur.

Patsy70 Sun 16-Aug-26 21:04:10

Well Lathyrus3 you might smell in this hot weather, but personally I make a point of not smelling! 😳 I realise that it is a sensitive subject, but I hate body odour and unpleasant smells, so would avoid close proximity or find a way of diplomatically telling them. Not easy, is it?

Plevey08 Sun 16-Aug-26 21:03:50

I've seen her on a Tele programme years ago. Primrose. Amazing accuracy! I've smelt old persons smell on a few as well Petra. Not on me though 🤣

HelterSkelter1 Sun 16-Aug-26 21:02:52

There is a special soap for old person smell. Sorry can't remember the name of it. A clever GN will know.

You could buy a bar or 2 and say you have bought it for you to use OP as you can't bear the thought of someone thinking you smell in this hot weather. And you really like it. Would you like to try it smell relly?

Wyllow3 Sun 16-Aug-26 20:56:49

I would honestly really like to be told, kindly and helpfully as in including what might help solve it. Which might vary from shower more often or even someone might be needed to come in and help as in a carer.

but Aveline is it new? Has it sort of crept up and got worse? Perhaps if it has gradually got worse the person cannot smell it. Is it a case of this really hot weather making it worse.

Yes, I would be more direct, but still very tactful, with a man.

Primrose53 Sun 16-Aug-26 20:42:17

Here is the lady I mentioned who can sniff out Parkinson’s.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-34583642

petra Sun 16-Aug-26 20:30:54

There is such a thing as Old persons Smell
I’ve known about it for some years.

www.verywellhealth.com/old-people-smell-11922651

greyfur16 Sun 16-Aug-26 20:29:57

slightly damp clothes?

Plevey08 Sun 16-Aug-26 20:21:34

It depends on how close you are. I have a close friend who announced that she didn't bother using deodorant anymore "I don't sweat the way I used to". I joked and said "I'll be the judge of that." Ok She said. She didn't smell so maybe there's some truth in that. My housebound sister with COPD needs help with showering etc. If she's feeling very tired she says does my hair smell and if it does I say it's a bit whiffy. She'll let me wash her her the. So really depends on how well you get on with them.

Primrose53 Sun 16-Aug-26 20:10:01

I was reading about a lady who had such a keen sense of smell that she could pick out people who have parkinson’s and cancer. She was tested over and over in rooms with people who had parkinson’s and those who had not and the results were amazingly accurate.

Maybe your family person is not well. If it were me and a family member of mine I would tactfully suggest a GP visit.

Casdon Sun 16-Aug-26 20:06:29

I think you’ve got to put yourself in the position of the person who smells. If it were me who smelt, I’d be mortified if I thought people close to me hadn’t said something, and I was out and about, meeting other people too. It’s a cop out not to mention it if you’ve noticed it on more than one occasion I think, sorry.

Cossy Sun 16-Aug-26 20:02:13

Btw, how ever embarrassing it is, I’d far rather someone actually told me than just let it continue. flowers

Cossy Sun 16-Aug-26 20:00:44

Unless it’s truly bothering you and others have commented, I’d say nothing.

However, if it’s someone very close and you’re worried about potential illness, I’d simply ask, “can you smell anything peculiar, I thought I did”

Aveline Sun 16-Aug-26 19:58:21

I know. I think I'll have to just leave it and try not to be in a confined space with the person. Just thought I'd try asking in case anyone had had a similar situation.

Shel1951 Sun 16-Aug-26 19:53:42

Don't stand down wind, seriously I wouldn't bother,let someone else have their head bitten off, it might be temporary, illness, washing machine suddenly packing up, who knows

Nell82 Sun 16-Aug-26 19:53:03

Do you know an enfant terrible who could spend some time alone in an enclosed space with this person?

Casdon Sun 16-Aug-26 19:50:26

I think it needs to be more subtle if it’s a woman, you can start a conversation about hair products, shower gel or whatever, and rave about something you like, then say how often you feel the need to wash your hair, shower or whatever so hopefully she will realise what you’re driving at.

In my experience men are hopeless at picking up hints though, and if it was somebody I was close to, brother, dad, son etc. I’d come straight out with it and say you need to take a shower, I can smell you from here.

Tworedroses Sun 16-Aug-26 19:47:08

Don’t say anything, just leave it. You may offend and imo it’s just not worth it.

Aveline Sun 16-Aug-26 19:36:29

Good suggestion but not sure I've got the nerve to actually do it. The person might never speak to me again and I'd hate that. I'll keep thinking.

Lathyrus3 Sun 16-Aug-26 19:33:58

Blame the product and you?

“Is that a new mousse your using in your hair? Do you know, I don’t really like the smell of that”

Difficult.

Lathyrus3 Sun 16-Aug-26 19:30:41

I suppose it’s possible we might all small a bit in the weather we’ve been having, especially if it’s a hormonal time of life one way or the other.

It could be product of one kind or another too. Gone stale in the bottle?

Unwashed hair does smell, I agree.

Aveline Sun 16-Aug-26 19:24:44

It's hard to describe the smell. The clothes looked clean enough so maybe it's a personal hygiene issue. Also possibly the hair. Maybe sweaty unwashed hair full of product? I'm reluctant to say how close a family member it is!

Rocketstop2 Sun 16-Aug-26 19:22:59

Also is it a woman or a man?

Rocketstop2 Sun 16-Aug-26 19:21:24

I guess it depends how close you are to the person as to if you should mention it.You don't tell us if it's a distant family member .
If it's like a sister or something perhaps you could jokingly say something to take the sting out of it.
Also , was this person previously spick and span ? Could it be to do with illness?

kittylester Sun 16-Aug-26 19:20:24

I think it depends on your relationship to the person.