Moody daughter

I frequently get frustrated with my daughter too, although things are better between us recently.

My DD works hard and likes to talk to me about work though I find it quite boring- it is important to her.

I miss the conversations we used to have but I'm sure things will settle down as her children get older.

Maybe you should give the visiting a miss for a while? I only see my daughter every month or so. We go for lunch together, sometimes just a for a coffee, sometimes for a walk. Maybe getting out of the house and into a setting where she feels more relaxed is worth a try?

The phone thing- that's just rude. My friend takes a book to read when her family get their phones out- so maybe just look at a magazine or something until the message gets through.

I have one of those. Well, actually my middle son is also moody. I wonder if it’s because they had warring parents 😂- But then, my youngest who grew up with the same warring parents, is so even-tempered and sweet.
We are now divorced …..

It is downright rude that she is scrolling on her phone when you are trying to talk to her !

I found that too ..not with my daughters, but with other relatives who visited,,,a text message was answered while we were talking, as if it couldn't have been left...it was only a text, I felt as if I was talking to myself...very rude

Exactly the same often it seems as if my daughter is bored with me altho' we do sometimes have a giggle. I had used to be more attached to my son there is only 14 months between them both and they are in their late 40s but now my son bites my head off has no interest in a conversation with me and I dislike having to contact him. When I sense this from either of them I pretend I'm out of range and cut the call and tell myself they are busy. Maybe I am expecting too much from them as I adored my Mother, but I do have a saying you love your kids dearly but don't always like them.

I have a son like that I am constantly walking on eggshells. I rarely see him and when I do he barely speak to me, but is too busy on his phone with work. Sadly all my friends and aquintences live with their phone in their hands and answer it as soon as it rings or pings. I think it is the times we live in and some people fear they will be thought less of if they do not answer immediately. To me that is the beauty of a phone you can answer it when you are available, not like when someone comes to your door where you feel you have to answer just in case. Perhaps that is how they feel when the phone goes. Social media can as we know be a serious addiction.

I can relate to a great deal of this. I wouldn't say my daughter is especially moody, but although we talk several times a week (she is in the States, so I feel lucky for the frequent phone contact) it is generally a very short chat and I don't feel like she is interested in anything going on in my life. She is also mid-40's. She is coming to visit after Christmas and staying longer than normal (11 days) so I specifically asked if she would give me some time and attention to talk about things that are important to me! (Mainly what she wants me to do with family photos, letters, etc). She laughed and agreed, so fingers crossed.

I think our body clock is a bloomin’ nuisance - I couldn’t wait to have a family - we have two adult daughters - but now I frequently wonder why I bothered. Don’t hear from the one who moved to the US 20 years ago, and the one a few miles up the road rarely bothers with us.

I recall so well that when I was younger I didn't really understand my mum's possible emotional needs although we did meet up....but she didnt make a song and dance about seeing me or not seeing me, she very much did have her own life.

It does look very different now from age 74 and relationships with DiL, which are remote, but she is so preoccupied with vvv disabled DGD, one of four, a full time job, I have accepted she doesn't want an emotional connection for now.

(I realise its different with DD's, of course, but my experience is just with DS who is usually up for a chat now and then and I get sent lots of pictures on WhatsApp.)

It sounds to me as though your daughter is stressed and very much over stretched. She has a full time job and a toddler. AND she has a marriage to try to keep going.

Literally anything else adding pressure to that can be the straw that breaks the camels back.

Everyone else seems to be seeing this purely from a "Gran" perspective and while as a Mum of a 30 year old and Gran to 2 beautiful Granddaughters,my youngest is just 19 and I can remember being this thickly in the weeds.

Myself and my daughter try and have a "date" monthly. It's good for us both, even though we see each other frequently because I help with childcare quite a bit.

I just think a bit of tolerance is needed.

I had had the benefit of growing up in a large family - 20-odd aunts and uncles, plus family friends etc. I started to realise that some were much more of a pleasure to visit than others, and that time spent with these was easier and more enjoyable, although I didn't love them anymore or less.

I realised that they were the ones that were interested in me - that wanted to know what I was up to; and who were interested in the wider world. They didn't much talk about themselves, unless they had something genuinely interesting to say. They didn't moan about health issues, petty problems, or fgive long accounts of conversations with people I didn't know, or TV problems I never watch.

I am trying to learn from this - to bring interesting things to the conversation with younger people and be interested in what they are doing. It keeps me in touch with the world - it can be interesting to talk about people's jobs etc.

Also, I try to find things to do with my DD's. I look out for places to visit, exhibitions, events, plays etc that I think they might like. Being out and doing thing together is often easier than sitting at home trying to make conversation.

I like to think that I can be part of the solution, not part of the problem so that time with me is not a chore.....which it may of course become eventually.

But I have 2 DSS who are definitely more moody - we just give them space when we sense that they don't have the time/energy to engage. We keep interactions short and cheerful - and listen as much as possible.
They usually seem to come around when we least expect it, and I find it seems to fluctuate over time according to what else is going on in their lives.

Ignore her behaviour and focus on that which pleases you.

Thank you. Done very interesting comments and perspectives.
I think any additional 'demands', however small, feel onerous to her and she is possibly at breaking point with what she tries to accomplish and SIL and I get the backlash.
Good idea to book something that she would enjoy (if she can find the time!).
We have Christmas New Year together as a family so let's see how that goes!

I often feel that I have to walk on tip-toes around my daughter, she's also very moody but better recently since she's had an ADHD diagnosis and is on the appropriate medications.
To be fair she has a lot on with two adopted children and a full time job, life is much tougher when you are a single parent. I do what I can to help but try not to interfere if she doesn't need it.

I'm an only child and I was thrilled to have three kids .
They had great childhoods .
As they've got older the moods ,that two of them exhibit every time I see them have become too much for me to deal with .
I don't like being shouted ,sworn and screamed at .
They are very good looking ,in excellent health with first class professions .

I've done my best and I feel like a failure.

And here's my solution - I've backed off .

Good For You! I did the same.

I've got one too! And it seems by reading this, lots of us do.

I sometimes think it's because Mum's are just there, we think they always will be and are convenient punching bags because we're still going to love them, whatever.

I do look back and would like to think I wasn't like that with my own Mum - I don't think I was, but I'm not looking at it with her shoes on.

I am so sorry you have to experience that. It's not ok.

My daughter who tends to be moody just tells me that she is not feeling like talking and I cut the call short.
It’s not ideal but at least I am not being chastised (which can be very hurtful).

Hold back Cheespleez and wait until she contacts you would be my thoughts. Self preservation,