Expressing your pride in adult children

Like others here my parents never commented on my achievements in life, other than when I scored 99% in a test at primary school my dad said "What happened to the other 1%?"
They also never told me that in the 11-plus I got the highest score in my county - I learnt this by accident about ten years later.

Despite leaving school at 16 I eventually qualified as an Accountant in my late 20s - entirely financed and fought for by myself, and still no response from my parents. But when my dad died (he had been a builders' labourer) two ex-colleagues of his came to the funeral and told me how my dad had crowed to them with pride when I became an Accountant and had taken them all out for a drink!!! Whilst Id have been embarrassed by too much praise it would have been nice to have known of his pleasure. But I always knew he loved me.

I'm afraid I seem to be the same with my two daughters. Both got excellent degrees after working hard, both have good jobs, the one who is a mother is superb at it, and they both married excellent men. They are also good daughters and sons-in-law, and I am proud of them. But I have never said so, and having read this post I feel that I should rectify that.

I am not at all worried about each one knowing that I praise the other cos they are good friends and admire each other too. In fact if I tell them separately I think I might get emotional. I also want their husband's to know that I admire them also. But I am sitting here near to tears already - so maybe I'd better do it in a letter!!!

Rekarie

I think I'm from Monica's parents world. I've never told them I'm proud of them. In my eyes that sounds a bit self congratulatory.

We have a fabulous relationship with them all . They've all done very well indeed. But was that thanks to me? Nope.

We encouraged and congratulated but the pride word wasn't used.

My parents didn't say they were proud of me either but I don't think it was necessary.

But I missed the validation that my parents telling me they were proud of me would have made, nothing effusive, nor constant repetition. Telling a child they have done well, is to recognised what theyhave done by their own efforts and is nor remotely self-congratulary.

When I was working, I always appreciated it when someone commended my work and would also ways commend my own staff when they did well.

In my whole life my DM never congratulated me on anything. My DF did occasionally, I knew he was quite proud of me.

I once heard an Aunt telling DM how nice it was that I'd got a very hard earned promotion. My DM replied 'Oh she could fall in a bog and come up smelling of roses. She never has to try very hard'. The only thing I did that she had any interest in was to have children and then she was less impressed when I didn't take them to visit her every few weeks, because lived 200 miles away.

So I make sure I always tell my AC and GC that they've done well, that I'm proud when they worked hard to achieve whatever it was. They're all fairly different with a variety of interests, so it's pretty easy to find something to show an interest in and praise. It's not really being proud of whatever it is they achieved but the fact that they put in the effort to achieve it and sometimes sacrificed other things on the way.

I think both of mine just know how proud I am of them . They have both worked hard and done well in different ways, in different fields and, even as an often struggling single parent, I always tried to make their passage through as easy as I could for them so that they could concentrate on their studies. They repaid me by never giving me an ounce of trouble and by being a credit to me in every way. I sound smug, don’t I ? But I think my pride in them is just there for all to see without having to voice it.

Just say it ! Let’s not make it complicated. My MIL told my husband that his Dad was proud of him after his Dad passed. Why couldn’t he have told him while he was alive ?

Syracute

Just say it ! Let’s not make it complicated. My MIL told my husband that his Dad was proud of him after his Dad passed. Why couldn’t he have told him while he was alive ?

I did. On page one

AreWeThereYet No, I do not remember a direct personal compliment. Except a few months before my father's death, I took my father and a friend to an outside concert and parked in the main car park, and realised on the walk to the concert venue, that my father was suddenly going down hill physically and I was worried about getting him back to the car afterwards and wondered whether there was any chance I could get a place in the disabled car park.

After I had settled everyone down with tables and chairs and the first glass of wine. I said I would go and see if I could move the car. Well I succeded and went back to join father and friend to tell of my success. At which point, the friend turned to me and said 'After you left your father said 'If anyone can do it M0nica can,''

So even that compliment wasn't directly to me, but repeated by the person it was made to. He died a few months later, and as I said, at the funeral people were telling my sister and I all the time how proud our parents were of us and always talking about us, but we never knew.