Expressing your pride in adult children

I would just tell them that you're really proud of the person they have become

You sound like you have a great relationship with your children anyway @ Doodledog, so the manner in which you already dealt with your dilemma was perfect.
I never measure success by academic achievement, and luckily clever clogs DS1 probably wouldn't remember the string of letters after his name himself anyway. He sets more store by his gardening successes, so I praise him there every week as things evolve. One of my DDs is an expert at plaiting her daughters' hair in many styles, I praise that regularly. It's the little things that count too.

I feel its too late to start praising mine now. Its the DGC who are the minefield.
We have a family WhatsApp chat and I recently shared DGS#1 brilliant exam results. I was immediately rebuked by his DF.
I stupidly thought everyone would be thrilled.
So now I probably won't be told anything in case I blab and make someone feel bad.
They are all wonderful ❤️ and if DH were still here we would enjoy their achievements together. Not just academic.
The youngest 2 can now knit having had a lesson from their other gran.

When it is their birthdays I always buy a special card that tells them just how much they are loved and how very proud we are of them. Even though their dad died a few years ago, I always add a little note telling them if their dad was here today he would be so terribly proud of the men they had become.

When I give them a present I always write, lots of love from mum and dad because without my husband's private pension I could not afford to do it.

Looks like you are doing pretty well with this doodledog. We say we are proud of our ACs achievements when we are with them individually.
My old dad never said he was proud of any of us, not that he was a mean man, he was a good dad in most ways which I am grateful for, but he thought that expressing this would make us big headed and show offs.
Northerners of his generation were not big on praise, if I did something right he’d say ‘that’ll do.’

When my father died, he oulived my mother, at the funeral, all their friends kept telling my sister and I how proud our parents were of us and how they delighted in all the things we had done in our lives.

All my sister and I could think was what a shame it was that they had never shared that pride in us, with us. They were of the generation who didn't believe in praising people. They never criticised us or made any negative comments, but they just took any success we had, not just work or education, in their stride.

I tried for a long time to get a resonse form them in some way but in the end accepted that that was they way they were.

However I vowed to always let my own children know how pleased and proud we were of them, whatever they did.

My parents never said they were proud of me. In the 50s /60s it wasn't the done thing for fear of the child getting a "big head".
I am proud of all my children and grandchildren and regularly let them know. Each one of them has a special attribute whether it is academic achievement, able to play the piano, cookery or just that they are kind and thoughtful people.

Well by now your children should know that you are proud of what they are and do and that you love them.

Just open your mouth and tell the one who has achieved something special how happy this makes you.

Unless the brother or sister in the case has a serious inferiority complex that cannot possibly cause any problems.

If you think it might, congratulate the other when his / her brother/sister isn't there to hear you do so.

I think people/parents are much more forthcoming these days in praising the achievements of others, family or friends. I was a higher achiever than my sister but, although we had a good and happy family life, I don't remember ever actually being told 'I love you' getting hugs or being congratulated for anything I achieved. It did not occur to me that, maybe, I was missing something! Every walk of life is much more 'touchy/feely' today!!

I was fortunate in that both my parents were warm and demonstrative and happy to praise me. They were also genuinely pleased to acknowledge other peoples' successes.

Hi Op, I would praise as in 'I'm so happy for you, its something you really wanted to achieve, you should be really proud of yourself'

Just a quiet acknowledgement to them all individually. Just tell them one at a time you love them and you are proud of them 😊

I do both. I love & praise them privately and together. Something along the line of: I'm so proud of you, you are a good father/mother, husband/wife, etc. I've always loved you and been proud of you. I'm so happy you made whatever achievement you've worked hard.

I don't necessarily say all of this in one long sentence, I want it to be as I mean it--sincere and not sappy.

I substitute happy for proud of the achievement while inserting proud of them as a person.

whatever achievement isn't supposed to be marked out, not sure how I did that.

Praise and encouragement are great fertilisers - they work magic.

Zuzu I am definitely "sappy" sometimes 😂 - particularly in messages.

They know me and my love for them and sometimes I have been told "I really needed to hear that today".

Sometimes I get the weepy person emoji back -
This one: 😭
It's often followed by a laughing one or eye rolls.

I do weep a lot with both joy and sorrow and they all laugh at me (fondly!).
I don't embarrass them in public though!

Whatever and however you do it please make sure they know exactly how you feel about them. My 50 yr old son had the job of his dreams in 2022. The job he had worked and sacrificed all his life for. We had watched his ascent with admiration and pride. And not a little anxiety as he juggled this with a family of 5 kids.
In Feb 23 he felt unwell. Was diagnosed with cancer and dead within a month. I only hope and pray that we had all done enough to let him know how he was loved and admired by us and all around him.

handbaghoarder as the mother of a son of that age, I can only imagine the crucifying grief you are enduring. My heart goes out to you, and to your son's young family. x

Speak privately to each one when you’d prefer not to have your thoughts considered by the other one. That works for me, especially when expressing pride.

It would feel like an omission not to praise an adult child's achievements, so as others have said, do go ahead and celebrate. And as others have also said, it does not have to be done in front of the other or others. But I imagine you tell them you love them and you hug them and they know you love them for who they are - you sound very loving. I think you can stop worrying and simply love and enjoy your lovely children, as well as celebrating milestones.

I’ve three sons would do it quietly and only when we were together. I love all my boys and I’m proud of them for different reasons at different times.

I tell my family I’m proud of them frequently no matter what they have or haven’t achieved, sometimes I m proud of them for just getting up and facing the world head on when they have lots of stresses to contend with, I’m also telling my little grandsons how proud I am of them, the world is not an easy place to be growing up in and they need all the help and encouragement they can get I think

I never got much recognition for my achievements from my parents because they were both artists and didn't see anything special in the work I was doing, and my mother had always been top of the class and just expected me to be the same. They were once quite pleased when I won a school prize, but not ecstatic. When my children were young an old family friend said "I've never seen you as the motherly type, but you seem to be doing as well as most people" and that seemed to be as good as it got. With my own children I don't think I've ever said anything about being proud of them, just provided practical backing for whatever they happen to be doing.

I really don’t think there can be a straightforward answer to this question!

I am immensely proud of my clever, funny, caring son who is a recovering alcoholic! His alcoholism has put him in a wheelchair!

I am probably a little bit more proud of my daughter who did not get anywhere near her brother’s academic achievement but worked her precious little butt off and is now in an “upper middle” job.

Son is divorced and doesn’t see his son at all. Daughter is separated from the one that she will tell you herself is “the kindest man in the world” and who is still a huge part in his son’s and our families life

How do I decide between them?? I don’t!!

They are mine, I love them both equally and I appreciate their differences and the hurdles they have both overcome!

I know how lucky I am

I think I'm from Monica's parents world. I've never told them I'm proud of them. In my eyes that sounds a bit self congratulatory.

We have a fabulous relationship with them all . They've all done very well indeed. But was that thanks to me? Nope.

We encouraged and congratulated but the pride word wasn't used.

My parents didn't say they were proud of me either but I don't think it was necessary.