Stepgrandparents

I have four step grandchildren, as well as three of my own. The steps call me by my first name. My own call me Granny. I think that if I was called by a traditional grandparent name their grandmother would be annoyed.

My grandchildren have lots of grandparents, stepgrandparents, grandparents-in-law and every combination you name. Only actual blood relatives have a Granny- type title, the rest are called by their first name. Not a problem. If our paths cross there are no issues. Lucky children get lots of presents.

As you have been offered a choice of names, you are obviously accepted as a grandparent. That’s great. The baby may invent their own version, of course.

Whoops - posted too soon!
Anyway - we have 2 teenage stepgrandchildren. We are fond of them but don't want our actual grandchildren feeling pushed out. And the "steps" already have a full quota of grandparents who probably wouldn't appreciate us "muscling in" It's a tricky balance. They call us by our Christian names

It is complicated. Our DS has a partner who has 2 children so we have recently a

I’m not at all worried about what to be called. I just don’t want to get it wrong!

I can't see your problem she IS including you all.. I'd be jolly grateful... just be called what seems natural..

She is including you as a gp, and your children as aunts/uncles, so that is good

However, i would take it like it is face value - a name request.

I wouldn't assume the roles and involvement associated yo those titles, how often to see baby, babysit, etc

You are worrying too much- let this happen naturally.
Your dh should ask his daughter what is expected of you and him.

My grandson has five grannies (lots of divorces on father's side) and we all ended up as 'Nan'!

I would suggest you say how pleased you are and that you will use her choice of name/title.

I've it were me (and she had a good relationship with her mum) I might say "do you want to ask X first?". She may appreciate your thoughtfulness. She may have asked her already of course. Either way I think it would point out (kindly) that you know she has another "mum" out there. Tell her you been conscious of her own Mum, and would never step on her toes, but that you are delighted and honoured to be included in her new family. Obviously use your own words - but becoming a mum is quite profound and we all reconfigure and reestablish who we are in the world at that point.


Presumably the new aunts and uncles are pleased too. I'd say how excited they are for her - and for being aunties and uncles.

I agree with Theexwife. Choose one of the suggestions she's made saying 'if that's OK with you' and thank her for wanting you to be included.

Well you can’t be anymore included than asked what you want to be called. I’ve a step grandson and when his mum got pregnant with my son he asked me what I would be to the baby and I said it’s nanna and he looked and said if it’s going to be my brother then you will be my nanna too he was 6 then. He’s 13 now. I was like you didn’t know how to be with him having his own grandparents not wanting to step on toes but it’s been fine. So I wouldn’t over think it just go along with it and my oldest son wife’s parents are divorced and my granddaughter calls the parents partners gran Helen and the mums bf gets called by his first name but that’s what he asked for. I didn’t have a problem with my granddaughter calling her but I know my daughter inlaws mum did but she doesn’t like her ex lol nout has funny has families

i don't understand the problem.
she sounds v friendly, including you as a GP.
maybe say her own mother has first dibs on titles; what about, granny first name.

She is including you by asking what you want to be called, I don't really know in what other way you mean.

Re what you want to be called I would just say that whatever she thinks is fine by you and that are just happy to be a part of the baby's life.

Regarding what you are to be "called" you could suggest that you would like to start by being "your choice between nan/nana" and see when the wee one takes it!! Sometimes youngsters take names off in unique directions depending on their speech development!!
Discuss with your husband a budget and perhaps offer a sum of money TOWARDS a pram/ cot / car seat... these are all incredibly expensive these days.. rightly or wrongly.. but this lets the prospective parents choose exactly what they want as opposed to having to negotiate taste and style differences with you... always a minefield.
Having children is completely different these days...apparently.. vocabulary and approaches etc but it sounds as if your own children are still quite young so you are probably quite aux fait already.
Offer help you are able to follow through with and remember to spoil Mum!