“You’re here to help not to have cuddles”

What a minefield. I think its all been said already here. I would just underline the tread softly part and look after yourself its too easy for well meaning Grandmas particularly the paternal ones to get hurt during this process. Good Luck

I wish I could post comedienne Leeanne Morgan's take on this. She's so funny and spot on.

I have just looked her up Aveline brilliant!!

I'm not even trusted to look after the dog!

Truly doggie care is different these days. They think I might leave him alone or worse, let him escape.

As for the baby. How do you know whether to offer to do the dishes or admire the baby?
I would need a written list of instructions.

Sorry to write so many short posts but I'm still getting the awful Aldi popup interrupting my posts

What are these wrong words OP?

For heavens sake where has this all come from, your son is rude, he said you are here to help, not nice to see you Mum or even treating you kindly.
I love my son and daughter but would not take this cr.p.
I am sick of hearing about hormones and all other things, it does not give anyone the right to behave like this. I never have this with my Grandchildren.
For the sake of seeing your Grandchild you need to be careful, pleasant and not overstep, but it would stick in my throat.

Imo the key sentence is 'What would you like me to do?'
Time spent alone with DGC is the best.

Your son did you a huge favour.

He told you things aren't proceeding smoothly in their home, to watch what you say, not offer opinions or your advice, and to be a real help - which holding babies is decidedly not.

I didn't want advice nor opinions over 60 years ago, why would a new mother want advice now? Help with the cooking, maybe. Opinions, no.

Arrive with no expectations. Smile and nod, be kind and forgiving.

Is this the one Aveline?

youtu.be/WLk9zojR_kw

So true nadateturbe
it sounds like the son is trying to pour oil on troubled waters at home and not thinking how it might sound to his mother. My first thought was how rude of him to treat his mother as an employee. However its probably better to go with the flow for a while, sounds like you are doing all you can to help newnana2.
I think I would have to say something eventually if things didn't change.

I hope all goes well NewNana and that as well as being helpful and useful, you'll be able to be a GM too.

We never knew our GC but whenever I read threads like this, I can't help but be thankful that we don't have to jump through hoops and walk on egg shells.

I wish you well .

Your son gave you a gift - how to have a good relationship with them

Please realize how his honestly and boundaries build good relationships

To be clear is to be kind, which can be misinterpreted as rude by other people

If you want to bond with their child, babysitting, sleep overs, etc (assuming parents are ok with those) - respect the parent's rules without showing them how stupid you think those rules are

Get the parents mad and.... plenty of threads here how grandparents feel excluded and second class.

Honesty sorry

Sounds like he is trying to warn you his wife is fragile just now and does not want help with baby but just practical help round house.
Probably best to do as he says or you risk not being invited. It wasn't like that with our DD's but all 3 babies were permanently attached to mummy so we were handed the babies so they could eat, bathe and rest.
Some new parents are like your DiL and it's just how they are.

Some grandparents have a hard time understanding DNA is not a pass for assuming anything

Would you just cuddle a child you see on tbe street?
No, right? (I hope)

I have nto cuddled with my friends' babies till their parents offered, and I have known them for years

Same as kiss them, offer candy w/o asking the parents first, ask what present to buy them.... etc

(Ready to hear how this is totally unrelated and grandparents want the best for their gc)

Definitely sounds like he's giving you a heads up before you visit.

Have to say it sounds a bit dodgy to me - sounds as though his wife has said something to him?

Being there to help AND have cuddles is important to you, and if they think that you are only there just to help, and not to even have a cuddle I don't think that's fair.

Tread carefully ....

Well it is unrelated Hithere. A GC isn't just a child you see on the street, or a friends' baby and it's the most natural thing in the world for a GP to say they can't wait to cuddle their baby GC.

Doesn't mean they're going wrench the little mite of their parents arms, wake them up just to satisfy their need or sit down and expect to be waited on with cups of tea.

out of their parents arms

Maybe if they expect NewNana just to help and not have any cuddles, they should pay her MadeInYorkshire.

PoppyBlue

Definitely sounds like he's giving you a heads up before you visit.

Indeed.

Listen and take heed. I suspect this will pass given time.

Our GD, upon delivering her first advised her mum (our daughter, who I had previously viewed as a reasonable person), "Please, allow me the joy of learning on my own". Daughter did, all is well.

Time is on your side, you can always wait as long as necessary.