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Baby Mama

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GIGI78 Wed 19-Apr-23 15:27:27

Good morning! I am new here and specifically searched out a site like this for my question. I need some help. A little background on my situation. My son is an addict. The baby's mama is an addict too. The baby was born on March 18. My son is in a rehab and she is staying with her mom and not going to rehab. I am trying to have a relationship with my grandson and I have gotten her to agree to let me have regular visitation on Wednesday evenings from 6-7:30 at my house. It is just me since my son is in rehab and has strict guidelines he has to follow. So here is my dillema. Everytime I go to pick the baby up she comes with me. She won't let me see him alone. So I have this pressure to keep up conversation while I'm trying to visit my grandson. I really just want to pick him up, spend time with him, and take him home. I don't mind spending time with her, as I want a relationship with her also, but I also want to spend time with my grandson alone. I do not want to hurt her feelings or make her mad by telling her this. But it needs to be put out there. Can anyone help me with ideas on how to approach this with her? Ways to say this so she isn't offended? Any advice is welcome.

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Koalama Fri 21-Apr-23 18:57:41

Welcome, and congratulations on your grandson, I'm sorry things are like they are with your son, hopefully rehab will help him, I think it's lovely your trying to bond with GS and baby mum, but like others have said give her time, I'm sure once she's more comfortable, you'll be able to reap the rewards.

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Hithere Fri 21-Apr-23 19:07:51

1. Baby mama has a negative connotation in the US - I would rephrase "mother of the baby"

2. I cannot believe you are asking a mother of a newborn to drop the baby in your home for your convenience
Please rectify it now and apologize if needed

Requesting time alone with a newborn is insane. Literally insane. You do not need to bond.

3. This visitation schedule she has been made to agree to may not last
In the future, the access to the child goes through your son, whe he is with his child

This will involve lawyers and custody orders- your son has to drive it if he is interested on this

4. Support the mother so she can be the best mother for her child, back off and think long term, not short term.
Value the mother and not only the child, that is a mistake many grandparents make - they ignore the parents wanting to get their hands on the kids onlu

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Workinprogress Sat 22-Apr-23 09:55:53

My first post too though I have followed long enough to know you have found the right site for warm and caring advice. My DD is an addict also, alcohol in her case, who hasn’t yet made it to Rehab and I have two beautiful GC aged 9 & 7 now. I have a very good relationship with their father but it has taken time and patience from us both and I am now very involved in their upbringing. My GC are happy and secure. My advice would be to take each day as it comes, respect you GS’s mother and enjoy any time you spend with him. If you are unsure in a situation remember that for all of you your GS’s wellbeing is the first priority. It can be a tricky path but your grandson will benefit from a loving bond with you and a relaxed atmosphere. Good luck, hope it goes well for your son.

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