Should men have their own “Gramps Net” ?

Maybe we should ask ourselves what we would think if our partners or those we have had or sadly died ,suddenly said they were joining Gransnet?
Or want to join an all-male Grandpa's net for want of another word.
I for one would definitely leave I don't want my other half to know what I talk about and discuss with other women. Just like I have never encouraged him to go to my hairdressers.
Gransnet fills a space for me that I lost when I left work and moved away from a circle of friends. Some subjects he might show a little interest in others he would ridicule. I personally find it an outlet for women's feelings.
I'm not worried about him seeing what I write he is not a control freak but I do like a part of me to be just for me.
Others might feel differently I acknowledge.
If it takes men to stop us snipping at each other and I admit I am as bad as the rest, then we don't deserve a forum.

I agree with your last post Elizabeth27. New posters needed whoever they may be.
It really doesn't help when people constantly rehash perceived slights or injustices. As Doodledog said it leaves other posters feeling excluded. I think some posters keep 'feuds' going for longer than is necessary.
I do hope you are right Doodledog and things improve after September.

It should be open and welcoming to everyone.

Unfortunately, there are a few people that put posters off by derailing threads they do not like, accusing a poster of being fake, or rudely stating there is already a thread on that subject or they are commenting on an old thread. Then there are the Miss Marples that will pull someone up on something they said two years ago that doesn't correspond with what they are saying now.

The usual suspects are warned, suspended, and banned but come back and continue their behaviour, that is what will close this forum.

New people of any gender are needed, it is getting a bit boring with the same arguments being rehashed.

FannyCornforth

Doodledog trust me, it’s not just ‘a few people’.
And you can’t really include me part of ‘the old guard’
Anyway, I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic anymore

Well, yes, it's perfectly possible that I am missing something, and I do trust your judgement; but as a regular poster I don't see seismic shifts. I do see differences in opinion about how things should be run, and I do understand that injustices in online communities cause real distress - I'm not minimising that at all. I'm just saying that outside of the people involved in the differences it matters far less.

By 'old guard' I don't mean the longest serving members - just the ones who post most at any given time, and then feel pushed out by 'newbies'. It's shifting sands.

I'm not very good at being apathetic either (), and I am not trying to stir up more trouble, but I think you are going to have to be a lot more specific if people are going to understand more than that there are those who feel aggrieved by HQ decisions just now. Reading between the lines, I'm guessing that this goes back to the cruise threads (which I wasn't on, so can only surmise) when StarDreamer wanted to dictate the parameters of the thread, some posters objected and tried to derail it by chatting over the other posts? Things have clearly rumbled on since then, and it looks as though Egwin is being accused of being an alter ego?

The above may be wrong, but frankly, talking about things that a significant percentage of readers don't understand is exactly what I mean by the 'in crowd'. If anything is going to put people off posting it is feeling excluded, and that happens a lot.

I haven’t noticed any change.
Seems same as usual on here to me.

I agree with your observations Doodledog.
I also think during the last two years, when our lives were far more limited many people, including myself, were very grateful for the interaction on here. Now everything has opened up, we’re going on holiday, seeing family, back to work, our worlds are busier, so our needs are being met elsewhere.

Doodledog trust me, it’s not just ‘a few people’.
And you can’t really include me part of ‘the old guard’
Anyway, I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic anymore

Thanks doodle you frequently say what I cant be bothered to write. You encourage my laziness

Is it not more that it is the summer, and people are away, or looking after grandchildren whilst the schools are off? Other forums are quiet at this time of year. Even the TV schedules are all repeats and placeholders for September when things will pick up again.

In the 4 years or so that I have been posting there have been a good few predictions of the demise of GN, and countless threads about how the 'good old days' were better, and it is still going. I think that (a bit like childhood) things are better when they are new to you (one), particularly if you are one of the 'in crowd' with friends and enough time to post enough to influence the current dynamic. Inevitably though, other newbies come along and change things a bit, people leave for various reasons the 'in crowd' shifts, and the old guard don't like it. Some of them move on, which speeds the process up, and things settle down again into a subtly different way of being that is largely unnoticeable to the majority of posters.

It happens in most online communities - I think the average stay for a regular poster (ie the time when an individual posts regularly and almost exclusively on one board) is about three years.

I am not minimising individuals' frustrations about whatever is going on this time, but really, these things are only relevant to a very few people. Many don't care at all, and there are always people like me who are interested to know what others are talking about at first but then get irritated when conversations about whatever it is carry on over our heads and we feel excluded.

My guess is that in September things will pick up again. Ours is still a relatively affluent demographic (inasmuch as there is still such a thing in the UK's Brave New World), and that is what keeps us here. Even if we have no spare money by next year, we will still have to spend enough to get by, and companies will still be competing for our custom.

Men are allowed, they are here. They mostly choose not to join, which is fairly bog standard for this kind of site.

I agree FannyCornforth

It doesn’t help that HQ’s involvement is very thin on the ground so that things don’t get nipped in the bud.

The moderators were solely GN moderators and now we have to share them with MNHQ.
We felt as if we knew them, they were friendly and were often too busy eating cake to get too annoyed with us. Perhaps that was because GN was a more friendly place to be. People had strong opinions but expressed them more politely.

Some threads aren't as active but you only have to look at House and Home, Estrangement, Health ,Legal, pensions etc, Arts and Craft, Diet and exercise, Ask a Gran ,Chat and Breavenment to see active threads.

Yes there have been problems with posters causing trouble and yes some much cherished poster names have disappeared. Some are still here under different user names I know of 5 .

I agree with lots of posters and think it is a very good question asked by Sago. As Fanny points out numbers are dropping even I can see that and have not been a member for many years.
We have to ask would letting men join help with recruitment?
I personally would not be as open with my answers if I thought there were men on the site.
Men often sneer and laugh at subjects women consider important, Mick is not like that but many are. Would we get cranks joining just for the hell of it?
Lots of questions not really an answer sorry.

ixion - it’s taken me ages to get around to writing what I just have.
I’m genuinely (and I mean it) upset about the situation.
It seems that everyday someone tells me that they aren’t going to post anymore; or that they are really upset because of A,B or C.
By ‘fight’ I mean continue to post; continue to try to be positive etc etc.
I haven’t started a thread in quite a while, and I’m not really in the mood to do so now unfortunately.

I think it should be open to anyone and appreciate the (increasingly rare) contributions by at least one male poster.

My DH would, I'm sure, find it very odd indeed to chat to people he doesnt know on an online forum. "Why on earth would you do that? What a waste of time!"

So how would we 'fight for it', FC?
Genuine question!

And what should HQ's rôle be in this?
Why don't you start a new thread?
Genuine question!?

Mumsnet at one stage created dadsnet but it has no or little traffic. Mumsnet in particularly benefits from a predominantly female membership with regard to its campaigns highlighting womens issues, e.g let toys be toys etc.

Lots and lots of posters are really disillusioned and unhappy with GN.

One incredibly long standing and respected poster called the current atmosphere as ‘toxic’

(With help) I could collate a list of about 50 regular posters who have stopped posing in the last six months.

And over the past couple of weeks things have got even worse.

I’ve had numerous pms from people telling me how upset they are that GN is going downhill like this.

It doesn’t help that HQ’s involvement is very thin on the ground so that things don’t get nipped in the bud.
But that itself shows that Mumsnet knows where its priorities are.

There is hardly any movement in the threads, it’s obvious that there isn’t much traffic.
If it gets much quieter, Mumsnet will just tell us that Gransnet is no longer financially viable.

People are just drifting away. I can feel myself doing it too.
It’s such a terrible shame as we need GN more than ever in these really difficult times.

It might not be perfect, but it’s better than nothing.
I think that we need to protect GN and fight for it really, before we do lose it.

I'm all for inclusivity and anonymity here.
But like Doodledog says, there is absolutely no need to announce at the outset that you are a man.
Why??‍♀️

This sounds like the C19 th no we need more granddads to balance things out and give other viewpoints
Why should it be only women…l men like to talk too it’s unfortunate that it’s so top heavy no wonder most of them don’t stay very long
I think the title is inhibiting Gransnet sounds female it sounds like grans should be more encompassing in my opinion

Glorianny

No problem with men on here. But I too suspect GN days are numbered.
Anyone remember when there used to be lots of free books and competitions? The fact that they have gone and threads are dwindling indicates something.

I think the reduction in competitions and free books etc. is actually a sign of the times Glorianny, not anything more sinister. My daughter is a comper in her free time, and she says that since the beginning of lockdown the number of competitions has reduced considerably, and hasn’t picked up again yet.

I don’t know if there are men on here already, it’s a public forum and everyone is free to join.

?Nannagarra

No. We are all so diverse, bring to GN a wide range of varying experiences and opinions. It’s a mix which I value.

I don't see the point in even thinking about it, as we have no idea who anyone is on here, and no way of preventing men from joining if they want to.

What I would like to see is a rule that stops people from announcing that they are men. Their sex should make no difference to how they are treated, and there is no reason I can think of why it matters.

I have been in a few 'real life' groups which have started as all women, and when a man joins the dynamic shifts. Obviously that is mostly to do with personality - sometimes the man assumes that he should dominate - but more often it is that some women automatically defer to him, or want to protect the male ego. Not all in either case, but enough to make a difference. It happens across age groups - I've seen it happen in everything from knitting groups with largely older people, to student groups where the average age is 20.

We have a great opportunity online to just take people as we find them. Unlike in face to face situations, we don't know if someone is beautiful, we can't hear their accent or see whether they are wearing expensive clothes, how old they are, what they do/did for a living or if they are male or female. People can tell us these things, but what they say may or may not be true, and IMO none of it should matter. The Internet has many problems, but one of the many good things about it is that it is largely democratic.

So in short, I don't care if men join and it wouldn't matter if I did, but please let's not make a big deal about it or give them special status if they do join in?