If adult children didn’t suggest meet ups as often as you’d like…

It may not be as often as you like but must be as often as they like or they would arrange something.

Younger people tend to have jobs, children, and friends as well as shopping, cleaning, and household tasks to fit in.

Jaxjacky has the right idea, to plan a meet-up far in advance.

I remember when my children were younger and we were both working long hours that our parents didn't get to see us as much as they would like. We did out best with the few weekends that my DH wasn't working but often we wouldn't even see much of each other so I do understand how busy families are.
I am happy to see my family when they are free but I have realised that parents need their ACs and GCs far more than the other way around.

Children moving out has been a real wrench for me but I suprised myself at how quickly I did adjust. Having all these clever devices makes them feel a little closer. I've obviously taught enough life skills for them to get by.

I think young people live very different hours to us and the times they are alone or thinking of home are the times we are asleep.

Also, we were responsible for them for a long time and we were needed whereas they watched us deal with everything life threw at us so I think parents and children have mismatched views of each other at times.

We are always home and strong and there and hopefully they know that and it helps them feel safe in some way

In answer to the OP, definitely!

Our children are all working and so are we, so we have to be purposeful about finding time for meet-ups. During the year we spend time together at Easter, Christmas, most birthdays and we have at least one family holiday all together. Beach barbecues and picnics happen about 4 times a year and we take our older grandchildren on holiday (without their parents) during the Easter break.

However, our ‘go-to’ regular event is to meet up about once a month, early on a Friday evening, and have a quick meal together with as many of us that can make it. My husband occasionally goes hiking or cycling with one or other of our children and sometimes they call in if they’re nearby. We also have several WhatsApp family groups to keep track of each other’s activities.

Yesterday we were invited to join our two sons for a birthday celebration and, this week being half-term, we’ll be meeting our daughter and her children on a day out. We’ll also take our 3 year old granddaughter with us to give her teacher mum a little break.

Can't win either way in my experience, same with the wider family etc ...

With my adult go I tend to get a message saying soo mething like meet for coffee and cake Nan. We then meet in a coffee lounge fora chat and catch up. I love meeting this way and I think they think of me as a cool gran, especially if I turn up on my bike. My son and I meet up about every two weeks,he will often phone and suggest a meet-up somewhere or come to our home when we need odd jobs doing. We also visit him at his house and he. Seems to appreciate that

When you see how many hours the average working adult spends looking at a screen every day for non-work purposes. I find it difficult to believe that all our children have such busy lives they have not ime to see their parents.

I quote from a recent report ^
Our study reveals that the average UK citizen spends up to 6.4 hours a day on the internet using any device, which is nearly the same amount of time as an average shift at work. In addition, the study shows that UK adults spend on average four hours a day watching TV, which is 1,350 hours per year! UK adults spend almost half of the day in front of the screen, browsing the internet and watching television.^ techround.co.uk/news/brits-spend-up-to-51-of-their-lives-in-front-of-a-screen/

I wish it were that easy! Would love to see mine more but my invites are ignored so I don't anymore. And i'm not allowed to invite myself into their homes or lives so I sit back and wait and bear the burden of loneliness most days.

I think, for grandparents, they need to nurture other relationships, with friends, pursue other interests, and not rely on AC's for company and support.

Sitting waiting for your AC's, to call or visit, can mean a lonely life. ACs are busy, GC often have lots of other activities going on, and it's just not realistic or emotionally healthy, for a GP to make their AC/GC the only things in their life.

I don’t initiate get togethers as when I did in the past they were never taken up, I popped in once many years ago and it was clear I had chosen the wrong moment. It is lovely those of you that do meet up regularly you must have very good relationships. One friend of mine gets annoyed if her son misses a day phoning and tells him so, also goes for dinner each Sunday, expects to join them on holiday and be taken to hospital appointments, her family seem to accept it so must be happy with the arrangements. I don’t rely on my son for a social life he has to lead his own: and when I do see him I appreciate it.

Having read all these problems I don’t feel quite so bad that there’s no chance of making meet-up arrangements with my son, daughter and grandchildren. They live 10,000 ,miles away.

Like grannyactivist we always get together for birthdays, high days and holidays, usually at one house or another - not so much going out for meals these days as it's easier with the grandsons if they can just crack on and play together. We all know these will be going ahead, so we just have to sort out a convenient date on our WhatsApp group. We do regular childcare, so see the AC individually as well. And we still have the weekly family Zoom quizzes we started in the first lockdown, when we often arrange trips out. The main thing is that all our AC and their partners get on well and enjoy one another's company, which of course means that even though they have busy lives, they want to get together, they don't need cajoling into it. That applies to the DGS too.

I appreciate there'll come a time when the grandsons aren't so bothered about meeting up, so we'll just make the most of it while we can. We certainly don't rely on our children for a social life though - we have plenty of our own!

Our children are all working and so are we, so we have to be purposeful about finding time for meet-ups. During the year we spend time together at Easter, Christmas, most birthdays and we have at least one family holiday all together. Beach barbecues and picnics happen about 4 times a year and we take our older grandchildren on holiday (without their parents) during the Easter break.

Sounds lovely. I am wondering whether your ACs inlaws also enjoy a set yearly holiday with their AC and yours, and their grandchildren, and such like or whether there just wouldnt be time to fit any of them in as well?

I am 30 with 3 DC 7 and under but I do really try to see my parents often. I am also very lucky to still have my Nan. Whom adores them.

But often is not as often as we would all like. There is just not enough hours in the day and then when a day free does come up I just want to do nothing sometimes.

We do talk on the phone and message a lot. We live near the Tesco that my Dad uses so he will come by when he's there.
I do arrange most of the meet ups and such because it is usually our calendar that dictates the days so it just makes sense.

We live 200 miles away, so we tend to see the family in chunks, much as described as GrannyActivist.

Our companion grandmother lives locally to them and is now well into her 80s and not that fit, so she is the one they see at least weekly, and always have. More frequently when the children were tiny. She was a tremendous support to the whole family, when they were going through a very difficult time. They go away with her for weekends and she also used to join them on other holidays.

So madgran it is possible to see grandparents as GrannyActivist describes, while the companion grandparents living close to the family spend just as much time with them, but in a different way.

My3sons123
I felt so sad when I read your post. I think our children lead their own lives. It doesn’t mean they don’t care. There are some GPS who haven’t seen their GC for years. So you and I are slightly better off. Tomorrow I will be doing a meal for middle son and family. Haven’t seen them since NYE and they live just a 10min drive away. You seem like a sweet, mild mannered lady. Now I am the opposite. I don’t think my d.I.ls (especially the middle one) like me, but as long as I can see the GC, I don’t care. Anyway, just be happy with the ‘crumbs’ - and take comfort from the fact that there are many in a similar position.

It depends on how close your family are. If I see mine it involves at least one overnight stay. I don't feel I can invite myself to my DS's as easily as I do my DD but to be fair they do make the effort to see us often. This has been even more apparent since lockdown ended as I think they missed seeing us.

My DD lives 30 miles away from us, but once a month, she will stay over the weekend at our place. I used to have meet ups with her, usually go shopping, have a meal and stay at her place over the weekend, but all that stopped due to the pandemic.

Her live in partner, on the other hand, seemed to prioritize his mates before his mother.

We don’t have any family here, my family lives 11000 miles away. My DD told me that she once told her partner ‘I would love to see my family but I can’t since they live on the other side of the world, your mum only lives 40 minutes drive away, yet you don’t make any effort to see her.’

Since then, he makes more effort to see his mom, and she came over to their place as well.
Once they have children, I expect the situation will change.

Our children are busy. They have jobs, homes to run and maybe children too. I think many grandmothers, if they were working mothers, forget how difficult the juggling was and how little spare time they had - otherwise we wouldn’t get the complaints on here. My son and his wife know they are always welcome whenever they are able to visit and I always leave it to them to say when they would like to come here. My diary is pretty empty, theirs are full to bursting. I wouldn’t dream of suggesting anything or of dropping hints or complaining that I don’t see them as much as I would like, nor comparing how much time they spend with us and with daughter in law’s family.

I absolutely agree Germanshepherdmum, that how I see it too!

Same here, GSM and BlueBalou

I suggest things and dates if I want to see them. Although I do tend to leave it quite a long time. Covid-19 hasn't helped. Some of my grandchildren have the wherewithal to visit on their own accord but they are also busy too.

mine live 4 hours drive away which usually means an overnight stay in a hotel, which is very expensive in their city at weekends. They work M-F and their weekends are their free time, I hate to intrude, I vaguely remember how busy my weekends were when I had small children. I usually visit once a month and also spend a week there in the summer holidays sleeping on the pull out sofa which I can't do with my husband (disabled) hence the hotel

I just wish that once in a blue moon they the adult children would Invite us for a Sunday lunch, or any lunch on a weekend!!! The last lunch we were going to at my daughters, my husband tested positive for covid left before hand, he wasn't even ill, just sneezing!! No lunch, so disappointed, I make colossal efforts to do nice meals when they come with grandkids and make it look lovely..they needn't, but just wish they'd blooming well invite us now and then even if we can't come it's nice to be asked!!!

Cooking lunch for visitors is time consuming. It eats into the morning and then the guests probably want to hang around and take up the afternoon too. That’s basically half the weekend gone so all the chores and shopping have to be fitted into the remaining day. It’s selfish to expect a young family to do that. Retired people have all the time in the world to make a lovely lunch and they don’t have to fit everything into a weekend.