If adult children didn’t suggest meet ups as often as you’d like…

Pumpkin82, I don't suggest meet-ups because I know how busy they all are. I'm quite happy to wait for an invitation and I don't complain about not seeing them very often.

I find the 'complainers' a bit pathetic really. Don't they have interesting, independent lives of their own? Do they think it's fair to guilt trip their children into seeing more of them? I want mine to visit when they want to, not out of some, misplaced, sense of duty. I have no need to do 'grandparenting' (whatever that is) at all.

aonk

I have to keep my feelings to myself. My AC are quite good about keeping in touch and are always there if I need them. I’m lucky and I know it. However I often feel lonely and would like to see them much more often as well as the GC. I’d be happy if I could speak to them or see them everyday. I’m sensible enough to keep quiet and only contact them occasionally. Yes I do have other people and activities in my life but nothing compares to spending time with them. Some of you will think this pathetic but that’s who I am. I didn’t have much of a family when I was young and just want to enjoy it while I can. As long as my family doesn’t think I’m pathetic it’s ok.

I'm the same way. We live just a couple miles from DD and her family. The GDs are 14 and 10. I used to spend a lot of time with them before Covid. DD usually invites me to come along on a weekend day when she runs errands and we get fast food, eat in the car and chat. One or both girls used to come along, but not so much anymore. Both sons live an hour away r each have two children. I couldn't go babysit during Covid. DH has never gone with me to babysit. I enjoyed spending the night and slept on the couch. One time he brought a camping cot to sleep on but complained about it. Now he says that he will go with me to watch the GCs, but we have to drive home even if it's late. He also complains about the very heavy traffic and gripes that they could come to us instead. Recently, I went down twice and brought two GDs ages 10 and 7 home with me to spend the night. They seemed to really enjoy it so DH and I both enjoyed them. They spend a lot of time with dil's parents and sister and cousins and I have sometimes had a hard time with that, but I'm grateful they wanted to come those two times and hope for more visits. I haven't babysat other son's little kids because of Covid. Dil is wonderful about sending pictures once a week. Sometimes I wish we lived in a compound with separate houses, but in reality, it would probably wear me out.

i see my son and his family every few weeks, my DIL messages me most nights and i know they would be happy to spend more time with me, all through covid when i could not go out due to health problems and being in and out of hospital they wanted to get shopping and help out in anyway they could, but i was always saying no......i felt that i was wasting there time and i could manage on my own, we do go out every few weeks but i leave it to them to decide, i just feel that they should enjoy time as a family when my son is not working. my son is a bit overprotective as we lost his dad when he was 16, he is now 36, he worries about me and i sometimes don't feel right asking for more time with them when i am constantly being told they want to see me. maybe it's just part of getting older and not wanting to be a bother.

When my children were little we lived very near both sets of parents and saw them at least twice a week . In fact I saw my DM most days . As the children got older , around 8, they were able to go round and see their grandparents when they wanted to.
My DH died 14 years ago and of course the DC are now in their 40s but I see a lot of them, they visit me a lot . I also visit my DH siblings too as his sisters especially have been very good friends since I met DH over 50 years ago .
I feel a bit sad for families that don’t have a close bond over the years .

They do sometimes invite us for Sunday lunch.

I gave up inviting mine years ago. They were always doing something else which is good. Now if one of them invites him/herself over I might tell others to come at the same time. I sometimes say What's happening about x's birthday? I seem to.see enough of them one way and a other. I.might call.if I haven't heard for a while.

GSM
Thank you ?

How lovely Kate and Meryl. Enjoy!

LovelyLady

Difficult being a granny. I live near my grandchildren but with COVID it’s not so easy. They haven’t been in our home for 2 years. My family is so concerned we may get COVID we don’t visit each other’s home. Garden visits yes. No hugs or cuddles for 2 years is hard. Family gatherings a definite no. I’d love a hug from the grandchildren and my children too but it can’t happen yet.
I do get cross!!!

I don't want to pry, LovelyLady, but is it because you or your husband are CEV? I'm not CEV but as I have asthma I need to be careful. My son and daughter in law always test before visiting and like us they are triple jabbed and wear masks when in shops or in trains. We obeyed the lockdown rules to the letter but have been able to have them to stay, and to hug, for a while now. If like us you are triple jabbed, don't let fear keep you from your loved ones. Even if you are CEV, perhaps you can get a little closer to them. I would urge you to ask your GP about this as two years is such a long time.

Katy & Jane
It hasn’t quite sunk in yet ?
When I told some friends, one said ^are you going^?
Another quick witted friend pipped up and said no, she’s washing her hair ?

I daren’t ask as I don’t want them to feel I am needy but it does hurt. I don’t see my 3DDs very much, although 2 live nearby, because of their very busy lives. Moreover, one has and the other’s in-laws have houses by the sea and ski flats for going on holidays, so they ‘get away’ as much as possible with friends or the other family. My third lives in England which has become covid complicated over the last two years, and they are going away with ‘his’ this summer. Hopefully things will get better, luckily I have a few friends here.

Since my post, our daughter has contacted me to arrange two meetups How lovely Meryl . Fabulous.

MerylStreep. How lovely. ❤️

We are lucky too Germanshepherdsmum. Both our sons are very loving and thoughtful and so are their wives. My DH’s mother used to constantly complain about not seeing enough of us despite DH working seven days a week for most of his working life and a lot of his time was spent working away from home, she had free rail and bus travel but rarely visited us. We vowed not to make our boys feel obligated to us, we have always made an effort to see them and meet up with them even if it is only to share a cup of coffee in town. We have spent holidays with them in the past too. We are both 80 next year and have had a few health problems recently so I was touched last week when our older son told us as the weather was bad he didn’t want us to drive down to see them over the weekend as arranged so they would visit us yesterday instead. His three children aged 23, 12 and 11 are thoughtful as well. Our younger son has been very busy at work in recent months as they are short staffed, his wife works full time and helps her mother care for her father, consequently we haven’t seen much of them but we text and FaceTime and I know they will be down on Sunday with a card and present as it is our wedding anniversary and they never forget it.

I have a son who lives abroad and a daughter who is roughly 20min car ride away.

Myself ànd my DD always have days out, if we dont then i am at hers or she at mine. I am very much in all my GC lives, be it looking after the younger 1s through the week or the older 1s sleeping at ours ( like now, school holidays ).

Its is all natural and just the done thing, my daughters partner works on a Saturday so myself and my daughter can either meet up, go to each others house, whichever.

Mummer
What you describe is nothing like my daughters ( one my own and 2 step daughters)
We see and here from them all the time.
One step daughter is so grateful for what we have done for her over the years that she is taking us to Hawaii next year flying business class.

Difficult being a granny. I live near my grandchildren but with COVID it’s not so easy. They haven’t been in our home for 2 years. My family is so concerned we may get COVID we don’t visit each other’s home. Garden visits yes. No hugs or cuddles for 2 years is hard. Family gatherings a definite no. I’d love a hug from the grandchildren and my children too but it can’t happen yet.
I do get cross!!!

I have always tried to be very honest with family and friends and when meeting new people who seem to be people I could be friends I find a time to say to them. I dont say things that I dont mean, so if I said I would take you somewhere and then when you ring I say have a doctors appt or something that will be true. I dont make excuses, and similarly if they dont want to go to something I have suggested I would prefer that they say so. That way you dont end up doing things that really neither of you enjoy. For example I will offer to take someone into town and arrange to meet them for coffee later in the morning. they can go window shopping or whatever and I will do whatever I went to do. I hate spending more time in shops than I have to but am happy to give the person a lift. It can be a bit awkward in the beginning but it works out well and we are able to enjoy some time together and not waste time doing things we dont like. With families you can have the situation where different members dont know the sort of schedule of the others or feel that they cannot say that they no longer like doing x or y. When I lived abroad we came back for about a month, and people would say how nice to have a months holiday, but in that month we had to sort out legal issues , check the house, see doctors or dentists etc and the family were all over the country but expected us to visit them all. I managed to organise that we all met at the swaledale festival which was last week in may and first week in june. We managed to get everyone there for a sort of core weekend and the monday and tuesday. Parents stayed in hotel, sister was camping etc. There were lots of different things to go to , guided walks, recitals , concerts poetry and all sorts of things so we were able to mix and match with each other and let the cousins have some time together and we met up for meals in the evening. It worked out well, gave us chance to see each other but not overpoweringly and for us it meant we saw the family all within those few days and actually had a whole week left for ourselves!! No one had the stress of people staying and catering for large groups , you could avoid someone for half the day if they were getting very annoying and still kept some family time and even allowed me to have some time with my sister in a workshop we enjoyed and with families it was years since we had had a couple of ours just to ourselves. I do think it is worth risking getting an answer that you do not like to actually find out what people like and what may be causing them problems etc and you might find something that you had not thought of before, so again you can have that situation where you think they are fobbing you off and they think they cant ask favours of you and so you all feel stressed and possibly sad but you may not understand the situation. As grandchildren grow up they may become interested in something that you are experienced in and then you may have something in common. I wish you good luck and the most important is keeping in touch with them all

I am like you Kate 1949 since lockdown our relationship with Ac is quite distant .We do see the DGd s once a week after school and all day in the holidays .The other Gp lives further away but they see them twice a week minimum .We live 10 minute walk away but only see them more if someone is unwell then I do school run .

mummer my ACs and GCs are thoughtful and very protective of me. I brought them up to be kind and that is what they are.

My son is nothing like that Mummer, don’t tar them all with the same brush. I tried to bring him up to be a decent and thoughtful person and that’s exactly what he is. So is his wife. Perhaps your attitude is where you’re going wrong? I don’t understand how a mother could speak of her children in that way.

I think that kids(adult) nowadays are downright selfish and we've only got ourselves to blame really?
They're up with the lark ringing if they want to borrow some money/need a lift/want something, anything! But otherwise they're like ships we may or may not pass in the night! Maybe if parents were as mean and nasty as kids say we are-would they think more of us? DH experience of work as a cop says that the scruffiest loudest, scummyest filthiest foul mouthed parents are the ones the kids ADORE!!!! They're poor/bent/always in trouble/akin to nightmare neighbours , but lo and behold! Their kids think they're amazing and they all live in each others' pockets! So What ARE we doing wrong?.............

I have to keep my feelings to myself. My AC are quite good about keeping in touch and are always there if I need them. I’m lucky and I know it. However I often feel lonely and would like to see them much more often as well as the GC. I’d be happy if I could speak to them or see them everyday. I’m sensible enough to keep quiet and only contact them occasionally. Yes I do have other people and activities in my life but nothing compares to spending time with them. Some of you will think this pathetic but that’s who I am. I didn’t have much of a family when I was young and just want to enjoy it while I can. As long as my family doesn’t think I’m pathetic it’s ok.

Precisely Gsm, I am very happy to see mine whenever, they know that and we WhatsApp video every couple of weeks to catch up. Living over 100 miles away, and not having a car plus two DGCs with plenty of activities to get to, I am very happy with how things are.

I have to travel an hour by car (at least twice that on public transport) to visit one AC family and a flight for the other. The nearer I know has activities with GD at weekend (he coaches one of them) so I know free time is short other than on school holidays when I don't have a problem visiting. With the greater distance for other AC I obviously have to make arrangements well in advance and try to stick to school holidays but nit always and I never have experienced any reluctance for me to visit. I do appreciate some GPs do seem to be almost obsessed with visiting family on a regular basis. My family all left home for Uni and I didn't expect to visit them regularly so when they moved on to work and living independently suppose I accepted they had their own lives. As usual there were the usual visits when they needed help with anything as well as social events.