Relocating to be closer to family

You don’t say if you both work, but assume you do as you are quite ‘young’ still.

I think Covid may have contributed to your feeling unsettled.

For what it’s worth, to me you both sound very contented where you are. Yes, you may be left alone in time to come, perhaps you would think about moving if that were to happen. As for seeing your family, could you visit a bit more often, to ease your worry over not seeing them much?

I don’t think I would rush into huge changes as I think your anxieties may lessen as we get back to a more ‘normal’ way again.

If finances permitted, I’d rent a place in Scotland for a year and see how it goes. The aspect I’d find particularly upsetting is if your husband wasn’t accepted. I wouldn’t want to live where he was treated as an outsider.

Lockdown has made everyone think twice about everything hasn't it. It sounds as though you have made yourself a lovely life.

If you have good friends where you are, I'd stay put, and just plan to visit your parents more often so you are reassured they are OK and can help sort out care etc if needed. I'm assuming you work, could you use your holiday allowance to take a three day weekend occasionally? Go on the train so it's easier?

As for being alone, I left my friends in London to move north due to my husband's promotion twenty years ago, sadly my husband died in 2016. I was left in a huge house I couldn't afford to run or maintain and have sold and downsized, but I couldn't afford to go home. I'm here alone now, don't have many friends, but I feel happy that I still have my trusted vets/dentists etc.

As for the weather, I'm on the coast in Northumberland - we've got horizontal sleety rain today and the North Face coat will have to come out. I'd never really been cold until we moved here!

Good luck.

Oops, sorry, I forgot you probably haven’t retired. My suggestion isn’t practicable.

Would you want to go back if it wasn't for your parents? I'm a bit younger than you and relocating can be both tough and refreshing. Do you really want to leave all your friends and connections behind? Is it an option for your parents to move closer to you? That's a very personal decision I don't think any of us can really help you decide on. I do have parents abroad and do understand the concerns about them getting older. I have encouraged them to move closer to us, though they aren't interested.

At 50 you can both statistically expect to live for another 30 years. A bit early to start worrying about being widowed. I am not saying it cant or wont happen, but look around and see how many really elderly couples there are a round.

If you are worried about your family in the generation above you, and I do understand that, can you not simply not visit them more often?

You do not say where in Scotland they live, but if driving is getting exhausting, from Cambridge there are regular trains to Peterborough, some take less than an hour and Peterborough is a regular stop on the London-Edinburgh line. Book tickets well in advance and it is not outrageously expensive.

SpringyChicken

If finances permitted, I’d rent a place in Scotland for a year and see how it goes. The aspect I’d find particularly upsetting is if your husband wasn’t accepted. I wouldn’t want to live where he was treated as an outsider.

Renting is a good idea but a year is not long enough to be accepted. We were chatting to an older lady in a local village, she bemoaned the fact that she moved from 30 miles away when she got married 50 years ago to a local and she was still an outsider! We found joining the local dog club was the best thing we did as we met locals with the same interests.

However, my two best friends are from the same town in England that we came from though we didn’t know each other before.

We know English who have really settled in and others that hate it or regret moving away from family. If you are a family person then that is the important factor.

You seem very happy with your lives in the south and would be giving up a lot to relocate. Only you can answer the question but maybe write down a list of pros and cons? You could also consider an extra break to see your parents. Nothing is perfect, just depends on what you want to compromise on.

When we are stuck on an important decision we write down all the pros and cons. It seems clearer when you list things.

I too think that the Covid restrictions have made you reevaluate. You sound so very happy where you are and so dubious, concerned and anxious about moving I wouldn't even consider it if I were you.

I can see exactly what you're thinking about your parents, but I would just focus on visiting more and then returning to your lovely home in the place you've chosen and live your life to the full there enjoying each other, your pupper and the friends you've made. Are your parents able to travel? Could they come to you for a holiday or could you meet up half way for holidays? That way you could all have some happy adventures in beautiful places and stack up a pile of delightful memories to last forever.

At 50 and 55 you are young. In 10 or 15 years time when you look back on you now and will think 'Goodness, we were young chickos, what on earth were we thinking about that for?'

My aunt used to say 'You can only live your own life'. You can't live for your parents or anyone else. Enjoy yourself doing as you please, you're only here once.

You do sound very happy where you are. We moved a couple of years ago to be near family, but it is our daughter, so we're the older generation that has done it. It's worked out well, but we used it as a practical move too - exchanging an old cottage with a huge garden to a modern detached with a small garden which is nearer amenities and public transport. So it wasn't just about family. Is it out of the question that your parents would consider moving south? It does sound risky for you both to uproot yourselves from your very happy life.

Stay put and visit family more often and possibly stay over for a few days.
You don`t need the stress,and as has been said,when the day comes when/if your on your own,maybe that`s the time to move back.

You will find many English GNs who are happily settled in Scotland. It can happen!

Thanks for all your feedback.
We both work part time and are very lucky to be financially secure to the point we want to retire early.
The friends we have made are neighbours and people we say hello and chat to in our local pubs but we don't tend to have very close friends.
My parents wouldn't move here to be with me because my siblings nieces and nephews are close to her. I am not close to my siblings, we only ever talk when I go home to see my mum and dad. We don't pick up the phone to each other.
I have this image in my mind that if we relocate an hours drive from my family I can spend more time with my parents and hopefully my siblings will come visit me but my husband thinks that I am living in a dream world and they will very rarely visit as they work all week and have their own children to look after.
My husband has suggested similar to you guys that I should visit my parent 3/4 times per year and they can continue to come here when they can.
My parents are getting older and are not as mobile as they used to be and I do worry that I will regret not being their for them.
I think the fact that I am unable to make a decision about what to do tells me it's not the right decision to move otherwise I would be sure it's what I want.
It's just so scary making big changes xx