What would you think if you received this?

trisher, not taking the baby out before churching was never a religious requirement but in some parts of the country it was a tradition.

My mother was 'churched' after each birth. In each case it was a quiet moment of prayer and thanksgiving for the safe delivery of a healthy child and a blessing by the priest and took place, for convenience, after the christening. My mother was going out with the baby as soon as she returned from hospital. no waiting for the christening and churching.

Oh how I enjoyed those days in hospital after my three were born in the 1980s!
It was five days if bottle feeding, six days if breast feeding and ten days if you'd had a section.
Visitors were strictly limited to two at a time and only for an hour in the afternoon.
Only baby's father was allowed to visit in the evening.
All meals and drinks were provided, help and advice from caring midwives and nursery nurses was available whenever you needed it.
We all bonded with our baby, sharing stories and experiences with the other new mums.
No worries about what was going on at home.

I was told with my second that I could go home a day early, on the Sunday, but I knew my fuss-pot mother-in-law was at our house. She'd already visited me and seen the new baby.
I asked the staff if I could stay until the Monday as expected and planned.
Mother-in-law went home none the wiser, and my husband and our two year old came to the hospital to bring me and the new baby home. Perfect.

Looking back it was an invaluable time and I actually feel a bit sorry for today's new mums.
Earlier this year my daughter had a section on a Friday and was discharged on the Saturday, but the paperwork for her and her day-old baby took so long it was midnight before she actually got home. She was shattered.

I just would not bother going to visit at all.
Very rude listing rules for your mum or dad I'm sure they have the common sense to be sensible and have the new mums and baby's interest at heart.
I would feel absolutely gutted and upset

I think this is the way of covid, being safe. They did say they would face time so I'm afraid it will have to do. If they do phone for help I personally would quote rules, no I wouldn't. My daughter wanted rules around Christmas when her son was born, we could not visit on Christmas day as they wanted day for them. We stuck to it the first year, after that they phoned us at beginning if December to tell us they were wrong and to visit Christmas day. We visit every Christmas day now. Give them time and see what happens, it is their child. Xxxx

I’d reply… yes , no problem at all , although we are very busy and a bit under the weather ourselves . However we will try to fit you in for a visit in the next couple of months . Congratulations on your precious baby ❤️

How did we survive!? Our parents? Grandparents? My dad was born in 1917. He survived a flu pandemic, without the NHS and interventional drugs that we have these days. He survived a war, but lost both legs. I would be heartbroken if I had not been able to meet my two beautiful granddaughters for that long. Every moment is just as precious for the grandparents too, we will have less time with them in the long run.

Maybe parents these days want to enjoy their baby, not just survive and put up with social and family expectations

Nobody knows how much time you have left on this earth

Hithere

Maybe parents these days want to enjoy their baby, not just survive and put up with social and family expectations

Nobody knows how much time you have left on this earth

Also not look presentable, not worry about the state of the house and not have to make anyone a cup of tea with a billion stitches and the emotional range of a 2 year old

Well, after the way that email was worded, the baby's parents might find that they are desperate to show off their new baby (after the 2 weeks is up), but no one visits! I would never receive an email like that from my son, he has better manners and more respect - we were invited to wait at the hospital with the inlaws, when our lovely DIL went down to theatre for a planned c section; neither of them could wait to show off their newborn, which I know doesn't seem to be the norm these days). If however I received that email from a friend, I would be reluctant to visit at all, as it sounds like visitors are not really wanted or welcome.

Mary59nana

I just would not bother going to visit at all.
Very rude listing rules for your mum or dad I'm sure they have the common sense to be sensible and have the new mums and baby's interest at heart.
I would feel absolutely gutted and upset

What you’re missing is that not all grandparents have common sense. Their perceived need for baby overrides all normal sensibilities

I’m not understanding why so many say they’d refuse a visit or babysitting down the line

Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

It’s not just new parents who are extra precious

Summerlove

I’m not understanding why so many say they’d refuse a visit or babysitting down the line

Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

It’s not just new parents who are extra precious

Love is not supposed to be transactional is it.

Love is supposed to be supporting your children as they transition into being parents... Their way

I am laughing at these
"Well I would never visit/they'd have to beg for help/let them suffer posts"

And then people wonder why their children estrange and are distant ? this post is the Perfect example.

You think they'll change their minds? Even though a lot of young parents do similar now? The rules were sent that way because the mother didn't listen! She was Told No! She didn't accept the no! This makes the paper trail so there is no wiggle room or miscommunication.

This generation Have learnt that you build your own village.
So that nasty relative you would be tied to in years gone by is no longer needed. You can be free of them and focus on those who would gladly wait to meet the baby and has only your best interests at heart.

Bibbity

Exactly. Giving birth is an extremely vulnerable time for a mother. There is a huge amount of physical and psychological work she needs to do. Consequently there is no right or wrong.

Some women want to show their baby off right away, and are open to having frequent visitors, sometimes right after the baby is born. I'm sure there are several photos of my hands in existence from when I worked in a rural hospital. I'd be assessing and dressing the new baby and family members would be snapping pictures. Nothing wrong with that.

By contrast, some mothers would like to have some private time with just their partner and the new baby. Nothing wrong with that either.

I think what the gran to be needs to remember is that it's not about her. This is about the couple becoming parents for the first time. Two weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Summerlove, vs, bibitty

❤

+ agnurse

I’m so grateful to read the reasonable responses on here from people who, not only completely understand, but would respect the new parents’ wishes.

I imagine the prospective parents have read a lot about what to do, setting boundaries etc. A bit similar to birth plans. A great idea, sometimes they go ahead smoothly, but often the real thing is soooo different to the anticipated sift lighting and music. Similarly plans to read War and Peace on maternity leave whilst contented baby gurgles quietly in the corner. The note is crass and clumsy, but maybe gran to be is too much sometimes and needs to learn to back off a bit, let the couple be in charge until they reach the stark reality, if they do, of just how exhausting a new baby is and how helpful a facilitating, as opposed to interfering, mother may be.

Heartless. Different if there's some particular medical need. Or perhaps mum is feeling mentally fragile, or something like that. Babies change so much even in 2 weeks. If everyone tests themselves before visiting, then no problem. Could wear masks too. This daughter could regret it one day if she goes through with it. Also seems so formal, in writing like this. Grandparents are not like other family and friends. A f2f conversation would have been better. Perhaps husband is insisting on it or other mums doing the same and influencing her. ?

With my first, my mother was there with me the. entire. time. And she would not stop talking. All through labor. 3 hours of delivery. When I got home. Just kept talking. And when my hormones crashed, like every mother experiences, she would not leave me alone to have a good cry for no good reason. She was up in my business for a week. It was actually really stressful.

My second came 2 weeks early. My mother was not due to fly in until closer to my due date. I am so thankful that I had that two weeks of peace with my baby.

This generation is doing things differently. They are hearing from others how nice it is to have that time as a family, especially with dads having paternity leave now. They want to bond without visitors. That does not make it wrong, it just makes it different than how past generations did it.

I am shocked by how many posters here say they would not visit at all or put up rules for visiting them in response to a new mother setting reasonable boundaries. Definitely a cut the nose off to spite the face scenario.

When my first child was born my own mum had already passed away. I’d have given anything for her to visit my baby as soon as she was born! My MIL was one of the first visitors at the hospital and it was lovely. My daughter was her first GC and the family made a real fuss of her and me. No one knows when our parents will be taken from us. I hope this very entitled young couple have lots of time with their parents and family…they seem to have it all very perfectly planned out

How many grandparents would have the same attitude if instead of being in the hospital to give birth, it was an operation for kidney stones, appendicitis, etc?

Clarer yes, new parents are entitled to make their own rules and choose when to see family after birth, that's the point.

My husband didn’t want to spend his short paternity leave passing his baby to relatives either

Everything is different now than it was back in the very olden days when we were new mothers!

Paternity leave hadn't been thought of, often fathers couldn't have time off work apart from a day or two (my DH couldn't) so mothers or mothers-in-law were welcome to come, stay, not to take over the childcare but to cook, do the washing etc.
I know that I was very grateful.

Fathers have paternity leave and are more hands-on with new babies now.

Kryptonite

Heartless. Different if there's some particular medical need. Or perhaps mum is feeling mentally fragile, or something like that. Babies change so much even in 2 weeks. If everyone tests themselves before visiting, then no problem. Could wear masks too. This daughter could regret it one day if she goes through with it. Also seems so formal, in writing like this. Grandparents are not like other family and friends. A f2f conversation would have been better. Perhaps husband is insisting on it or other mums doing the same and influencing her. ?

Heartless? To express what she wants after a traumatic, exhausting medical procedure?

Wow. Some very selfish people here.

A grandparents can wait two weeks. Babies do not expire. They spend that time sleeping. It's the mother who needs time to heal. Nothing in that needs to involve anyone outside the immediate family.

She did tell her mother No. her mother did not accept the no.
Now she has it on writing to read back when she forgets.