Friend talks about money

Along the same lines but at the other end of the scale from the poster's friend, I know someone who's always saying that she can't afford anything. This person is single, has no children, has two comfortable pensions (career, plus state) and to my knowledge, has been saving a great deal of her income for decades. She lives in a large home in a popular rural area but resents paying out money for its upkeep. She's proud of having cheap holidays, and of never paying for holiday accommodation, because she aways stays with family or friends. It can be very wearisome hearing this, time after time, when we're pretty sure that she must have at least 250k saved up.....

I think I would start distancing myself from her .....move on from calling this person a friend. Obviously the two of you have different values!

I completely understand where you’re coming from, I personally think it’s the height of rudeness to talk about money or ask how much something costs. If it were me I’d wait for the next opportunity to say casually ‘have you got some money worries?’ Wait for her to answer or then just casually say.....only you seem a bit obsessed with money, always talking about it and I was worried you were struggling? That should make her feel a bit embarrassed because she will then think what she says hopefully and keep quiet! I’ve just had to severe a friendship unfortunately as it got on my nerves once too often from a couple of friends who were well off but literally counted every single penny they spent or could save to the point of complete annoyance when going out with them. They even ordered one tea and a cup of hot water to share the tea bag between them, one ice cream to share, one meal and extra plate (try deciding how to split the bill with that!), the husband literally worked the petrol out before going anywhere to see if he could get more mileage taking a different route then you were told what they had saved ? etc. There was never a normal conversation without the husband adding in a rundown of how much he’d managed to save, buy something cheap etc every time we met, both my husband and myself couldn’t take it anymore recently and have decided to give them a wide berth as the conversation got extremely boring and depressing. There’s more to life than money to worry about.

My husbands 'best friend's did this to put my husband down, as he was long term sick following a hip replacement at 29. Eventually I refused to go near, and my husband pulled back a little too. Several years later, after being incredibly stupid, his friend realised what good friends we had been, and stopped with the boasting. Although they moved away we are now good friends

I have a friend who likes the best of everything and is not afraid of many loans to pay for it all.
She has a lovely home with all the mod cons.
But all she talks about is the same thing... how much this and that costs. I am completely opposite. I will discuss the price we paid for our T.V. for example, if someone asked me, but other than that, I don’t discuss earnings, savings etc.
We had a night out. And she insisted she paid for everything. She dropped into conversation about the struggle I go through.
I think that because I don’t tell her my financial situation, then she assumes it’s dire.
It is quite the opposite!

None of us are perfect! I think I’d find her info mildly interesting as long as I wasn’t expected to share my financial details.
I agree with other posters who have suggested that financial insecurity in earlier life is often the root cause.
Thinking back, I recall a friend who used to go on about a particular theme regularly. I did find it mildly irritating until she thanked me one day for being the only person who liked her enough to listen to whatever she wanted to say.
It brought me up short! She was and still is a lovely person and our friendship is rock solid. She’s 14 years younger than me and we have many differences but I think as we have shared experiences and opinions etc, we’ve built a lasting friendship.
In the OPs case, I’d suggest showing a mild interest, changing the subject and persevere with the friendship if it’s still mutually satisfying in other ways.

Bottom line, your friend is boring if all she can do is talk over and over about herself, her incomes. Chinese proverb - Empty vessels make the most noise. Stick with your impoverished interesting friends or your seriously wealthy interesting friends and cut out the social climber.

I have a wealthy former friend who asked me to a family lunch party in an hotel then pointed to my indifferent meal she’d paid for and said,” You won’t be getting a birthday present this year because of this.” At her 60th birthday lunch I presented her with a really lovely turquoise leather trinket box lined in fuschia which had cost me almost £50. She unwrapped it, opened it then announced to the assembled guests,”But there’s nothing in it.” She calls herself a Christian...

I was always told it was vulgar to talk about money. I don't know how I would go about suggesting to a friend that they change the subject; perhaps make a sign saying something like those who speak of money know the price of everything but value of nothing and place it prominently?

Some really interesting thoughts on the background to this behaviour, but I feel the same about bragging over wealth and ridiculously overpriced designer goods. My car is also an A to B, safe, comfortable job with enough room for the dog cage . No frills. I just don't get the hype /faff over a piece of metalwork. It's a car.
I hate the waste of silly money, perhaps it's worth saying to her how lovely it must be to have enough funds to give money to lots of important charities.
My parents weren't well off, weren't envious of others, but valued people for personality /kindness instead of status. It was a good life lesson for the four of us. A fixation with money is so prevalent but I would find endless reference to it pretty wearing.
I wish you luck, I hope changing the subject is part of the solution but maybe picking your moment and asking how money was regarded as a childhood thing, it could explain a lot. As another GNer said, it could actually be a revelation. I'm rather intrigued now too!

I had a friend who was very much like that. Always telling me what wonderful things they bought and the exotic holidays they had. But then her husband died suddenly and she was plunged into financial problems.
I just felt sorry for her then; their way of life had obviously meant a lot to her. We are still friends, I'm glad to say, but she has changed tack. She is undeniably attractive and now talks all the time about how many men admire her and are pursuing her.

I used to have a 'friend', who would go on and on about how broke she and her husband were who would shout 'HOW MUCH'? If I purchased anything from a 'real' shop as opposed to a small ad, car boot sale, charity shop, of freecycle or the like.

I never made judgements about her purchases (which were many and unneeded), or the running of their car, a huge beast that she boasted did 12 miles to the gallon, helped her by paying half the cost of spaying her dog, and treated h er every time we went out.

Our friendship came to an end when her dog, a beautiful, but very obese American Bulldog, developed hip dysplasia. She and her husband had the choice of surgery which could potentially resolve the problem but would cost a fair amount (though they would be offered a 50% reduction), and offered no guarantees, or putting her to sleep. They opted to put her to sleep.

I was broken hearted to see such a beautiful animal euthanased as opposed to being given a chance. Had she spoken to us we would have happily helped them with the cost and aftercare but no, the first anyone knew was when she plastered her woe be mine story over Facebook.

So I'm afraid I had to back away from my so called friend who went on about money.

why not? talk about money? well getting to know people, retired ... sort of helps me to know someone elses circumstances,, but to keep going on about it.. dunno?

WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT¬ ! I have to keep reminding myself of that! LOL

I like to know the cost of things... so I guess I could be "guilty " of that... but not income etc... once is enough

It would be rude to say so to her, but Oscar Wilde’s quip of knowing the price of everything but the value of nothing comes to mind. I agree with others it’s rather touching though bit boring, sms people just don’t have an edit and it does show how this constantly goes through her mind. You could tease her.. when she mentions something that has no price ask her what she thinks it might be.. she might pick up that she has an irrelevant habit. Or perhaps when you are speaking of something of yours ask do you want to know the price? A little bit of humour might help

Maybe tell her that she really ought to stop telling people about how much she pays for things and how much money she has, as like a previous poster said, it could make her vulnerable to thieves. For example if she tells guests in her holiday home how much items cost, she's asking for things to disappear.

I really sympathise with TwinLolly, I live in a country where the all talk about money non stop. I think it is so rude and a terrible way of showing off, they can even access a site where you can check how much people earn! I dont think in this case here, an entire nation can be insecure, they just have to be better than the Joneses,it is so irritating I have lived here for fifty years and it doesnt get any better.

I had an Aunt who told me how much everything cost, but she had a poverty stricken childhood, and I felt it was her way of proving that she had risen above it!

I think she’s showing off to be honest and trying to impress you.

I love to hear about friends bargains they’ve got but bragging about how expensive something is, is quite common. I definitely wouldn’t discuss income with anyone it’s private.

Think she’s wanting you to compare your income with her! I’m also lucky enough to have holiday cottage but if someone wants to know my income from it they can look on website!!

I have a friend who is very interested in the price of other people's houses. Yawn, yawn, not interested

I suppose it’s interesting to start with, but it come become boring, irritating and boastful. I wonder if your friend came from quite a poor background and can’t help sharing all the new wealth that she has.

I really don’t know how you can stop this, but I suppose you could say something like ‘yes, you’ve told me this before’.

I’ve noticed that whenever I buy something for myself or for the house my DIL always asks how much it cost. Sometimes I manage to sway the conversation and avoid answering because it’s something I would never ask anyone unless they brought it up themselves. Now I’ve started to have dark thoughts about her thoughts - is she thinking ‘that’s less for us when she dies?!’ I’m sure it’s probably just curiosity or a difference in upbringing but I do find it awkward and a little annoying - they’re not short of money btw!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My father in law did that once and the brakes did not respond as they should have done. My husband was worried sick. My FIL was penny wise but pound foolish. Would tip someone £10 but would travel miles to save a penny

Just tell her as you’ve told us. Is there something underlying it all do you think? Low confidence/ self esteem? If not, it all sounds really boring.

Just explain to her that if she ever feels she has accumulated too much wealth, that you would be more than happy to relieve her of some of the burden. If that still troubles you, pass it to me!