I Feel Terrible

I’m a childcare worker. And what you did was right over the years we’ve had some awful spoilt children and this usually comes from the parents not giving them boundaries. They then send them into us saying ‘ we can’t do anything with them’ I think your daughter has over reacted and I would stand aside for the moment an let her deal with this

When my daughter was two and took the occasional tantrum I would walk out of the room and go to another room.. The screaming would stop then she would toddle through to where I was and start all over again. No point in having a tantrum unless you have an audience! I would find it quite hard to keep a straight face.

Goodness me, no wonder she acts like a spoiled brat!
Dread to think what she will be like as a teenager
I would avoid and enjoy the peace and let them continue to ruin her!
Pity her teachers too

Beauty Bumble, I cannot bear screaming.

You could do shape the little girl's behaviour by not rewarding her with attention when she screams needlessly, and rewarding her with "Good girl" and your smiles when she complies, or stops screaming.

Rather than shouting at her which will have the effect of encouraging her noisiness, you should leave the room she is in. She will not like that and will try to please you by shutting up.

These measures will have to be repeated several times;
however a six year old usually is a quick learner.

Was she a screamer pre covid? I know my grandchildren are finding it so hard not being at school, there are loads more arguments and fights. My daughter spends most of her time trying to get them to run it off at the park and one of them has developed OCD with the hand washing! I shout, it’s part of the frustration at the moment.

PS do not even look at her when she is screaming at you. The sooner she is socialised the better for her.

Even if this child is genuinely a dominating character, and this will empower her later on ,it is well for her not to be able to dominate you.

Well I’m sorry for what’s happened, but one thing I can’t be with my adorable GC is fake, if GC is being unkind, in danger, or misbehaving while I’m in charge, then its me that’s got to deal with it, and I would hope there parents would know me well enough to know I’m doing my best for the child, we only want to enjoy our blessings after all, and I’m sorry to say a five year old should know better, maybe mum needs to take a leaf out of your book then she won’t get mixed messages, she’s five so it’s not the terrible two’s, please don’t go feeling guilty you’ve done nothing wrong, if you are allowed to look after her again can you really hand on heart not have a word with her if she’s being naughty, because your daughter doesn’t like it, you must be able to relax and have fun with then, which won’t happen if you cat correct her behaviour (Rant over)

PS Regarding relating to your daughter, unfortunately the choice is all hers. You might be able to apologise and get to see the children again. No need to be sincere.
You are good with children and your daughter is cutting off her nose to spite her face.

I shouted at my grandchildren on holiday because they were running round and screaming at each other near the top of some very steep stairs. It stopped them in their tracks, thank goodness! I’d find it unbearable to have a child screaming non-stop, and would definitely attempt to stop her! I think your daughter is being ridiculous, expecting you to look after her children but not expecting you to set standards of behaviour for when they’re with you.

Mind you, since I’ve been a granny, I’ve learnt from my son (the GC’s dad) that every belief I have about how to behave around children is wrong ...

Love it, Sparklefizz, and the baby is clearly enjoying the show.

Beautybumble - presumably as your daughter herself can't cope with your grandchild's screaming she was simply projecting her frustration and guilt at her own failing onto you who were at least trying to bring to the child's attention the fact that screaming isn't acceptable as a regular way of behaving. In truth your daughter should have been using some form of discipline, if she was then her choice of strategy wasn't working. If children are to grow up to become capable in society they need to be properly socialised and sometimes that means a raised voice to correct their anti-social behaviour, it means some kind of punishment - there are consequences to actions and a parent who doesn't allow their child to realise this is simply enabling the unwanted behaviour. I'm not a disclipinarian by any means, but I do work in a mental health setting and far too often see clients in their early twenties who can't 'fit in' because they won't rein in their own feelings of entitlement to behave exactly as they want. That's down to poor parenting. I'm sure your daughter will come round - after all, your track record of grandparenting is much longer than hers of parenting.

Like Cabbie21 I've read your follow up comment beautybumble about how your daughter knew what you had done.

I have to agree with Cabbie21 in that your daughter now is also unhappy that you don't approve of how the father deals with his child.

Difficult situation as your OP says My DD is beside herself with worry about it as bedtimes can be horrendous.

It's important that everyone deals with these screaming bouts in the same way. Your granddaughter needs to know from her parents what the boundaries are and that if she screams then xyz will happen. They need to pick a moment when she is well behaved. Not straight after a screaming session. She must be told in a calm but firm way that everyone will deal with the screaming in the same way. Has she ever talked to you about the child screaming?

I'm sorry but not much will be achieved by shouting. The child may stop screaming as she did for you. (it scared her) but she will still scream at her parents. I know your shouting was a one off.

There is only so much shouting a child (or anyone) can take before another reaction from the child will take over. It may quieten the child and make them obedient for a short while, but it won’t make them correct their behaviour or their attitudes.

I think your daughter's other bigger problem is her partner. You say he is a terrible father! (in what sense?).

Sorry if my comment sounds like I'm lecturing but your OP tugged at my heartstrings. I remember my daughter ringing me "asking for help" and crying whilst talking. I could hear my granddaughter (3) in the background screaming for exactly the same reason as yours. She rang because she couldn't cope with the screaming and had shouted at her. Dad was not much help but I gave her the same advice about boundaries etc. It took a while, I would say about 6 months but the screaming had stopped. The relationship my now 16 yr old granddaughter has with her mother is amazing. Can't quite say the same for her father.

There are lots of people here talking about "letting the child get away with it." You can let a child scream without shouting at them but refraining from giving in to their demands. This actually shows them that they can scream as much as they like, it won't do any good. They do learn it is pointless. You don't need to scream back, smack, etc. To me it is a better way for them to learn but I do understand that screaming heightens your anxiety or discomfort so I wouldn't criticise anybody for being human. However, you need to ask what you are teaching a child if you start shouting or smacking. You are trying to teach them to be well adjusted adults and they don't tend to shout at other adults or hit them if you are the average person!

We had a very loud demanding screamer in your family .
I used to say to her I am turning my ear off now and I won’t turn them back on until you have calmed down.
It only took a few times but she could go on for over a hour ,but she learnt that I wouldn’t interact with her while she was behaving like that .
Now she is a lovely little girl and no longer “ shows” off

My dtr is having problems with my 6yo gdtr at the moment. She's always been allowed to do what she likes and was spoiled rotten by her other grandparents. She's cheeky, answers back, won't do as she is asked, interrupts all conversations, takes food when told not to and harrasses her elder brother who is 9 with autism. She also harrasses the family cats and tried to put one on top of a lamp yesterday which is worrying. It's the slyness of her I can't stand but then she will get rewarded with new books or a comic etc. Just my opinion, but I don't think enough rules and boundaries were used when she was younger, so now she thinks she is one of the adults and of course it's causing friction at home.

Children need boundaries trust me they really like them so keep it up Favourite teachers and grandparents will always be remembered because they respected them

Pity the days are gone of a good smacked bottom and the threat of “if you scream like that again, I’ll give you something to scream about.

Long ago I offered to look after a friend's little girl (we had a lot of coffees together and out children played together too) while she had a doctor's appointment. This little girl was also a screamer (to get her won way) and I was dreading it if she kicked off on my watch.....and she did! Because she was someone else's child I really couldn't let my temper get the better of me so through the screams I quietly explained that we (my two sons and I) were going to sit in the next room, watch Postman Pat and have some honey sandwiches and when she had stopped she could come and get hers too. It took her five LONG minutes but eventually she just wandered in, sat down and joined us. Relief. I think it just took a while for her to realise that screaming wouldn't work in this house!

...and another thing - most of these 'spoilt children' don't behave this way at nursery, playgroup or at school. There isn't time to give in to every child that screams and it is not tolerated. It upsets the other children too (as well as the staff!) so the sooner it is dealt with clearly and firmly the better for everyone

They do it because they can and they get away with it and sometimes are rewarded! I bet we all know and have seen on TV, some adults who have never grown out of this phase!

She's lucky she wasnt looked in a cupboard! Sounds like a spoilt brat to me

Locked

It’s always difficult caring for someone else’s child, especially if there is a difference in how you respond to a child’s testing behaviour. When a child’s challenging behaviour goes unchecked with its parents then as far as the child is concerned what’s the problem when with you. Differing methods of dealing with children’s behaviour can be very confusing for a child. More especially if the person the child loves and trust, ie, the grandparent, for the child, behaviour that was ok with mum and dad suddenly isn’t with you. Can I suggest that you discuss with you daughter what she would want you do do with regards to the discipline of the children when in your care? In that way the child gets a consistent message about behaviour that is acceptable. If you and your daughter cannot reach agreement then I’m afraid you have to make the decision as to how to move forward.
Good luck it’s never easy.

My Mother wouldn’t have stood for tantrums from my children and quite right too. She didn’t stand nonsense from me either. If a child is hur then of course they will scream but in temper, NO.

Locked in a cupboard, spanked for compliance- some people should never be in charge of children- ever.

Miss adventure..... That's is so funny. ??