Grandchikdren

Apricity. Spot on ?. Thank you for expressing a kind of love so articulately. For myself I will continue to give give and give of myself and my wallet to my GC as long as I feel about them the way I do now. Admittedly it is a two way street but I will try to initiate meetings with them on a regular, but not intrusive, timetable. Cards and presents are 'stuff'. I'm hoping for a little bit of their time and that is such a precious commodity. Trouble is, at this stage, I have so much more going spare than they do.,

I get cards and am pretty certain that their mother, my daughter, reminds them

As many have already mentioned, many young people do not send traditional cards in the post. Sometimes they get reminders about forthcoming birthdays automatically on social media, if set up, which triggers them to 'post' a message or to text to a mobile phone. They probably won't post a card.

A text or message not the same as getting a card in the post, but it's best to engage with social media if you can. You are obviously on Gransnet but are you active with messaging your family? Let them know you are actively interested and appreciate messages from them, make sure they have your mobile number, and with any luck they will message you on your birthday.

I used to remind my children that it was my parents birthday. Can your children not do this?

Same happened to me, when suggested a text Would be nice , I was told not to guilt trip her as she gets upset easily. Sad

Funnily enough, it was my birthday this week. I received a ‘happy Birthday’ text from one out of three of my adult grandchildren. I feel hurt too!

But you are hurt. I have three grandchildren and two great grandchildren. Over the years (even though I'm a pensioner on a very limited budget), I've bought gifts and then I was told they'd prefer money. I rarely - if ever - get an acknowledgement and occasionally, when I've asked if they did receive the card and money, the reply was 'oh, yes. Didn't I text you?' knowing full well, they hadn't. I made a decision this year and you may or may not like it; but I decided that after all the birthdays are over this year, I am not giving any more money to any of them. I will send a nice card with the appropriate words - but they won't get anything from me. And - even more scandalous - I am not giving them presents for Christmas. In September of 2018, I was on the Martin Lewis Money Show (with my grandson - who is different to the other two) and Martin talked about people on low incomes being forced by 'nicety' to buy presents for people who felt obligated to give back. Not any more.

Gill61 Tell her that you get upset easily, too, when ignored.

My birthday is coming soon. I know that the son who lives with me will probably give me a card, and a bunch of flowers. My DD, who lives nearby, will do the same, and may organise a meal out, or afternoon tea. My GD, 21, will get me a card, and maybe a small gift. GS who is 18 usually has to be messaged to see if his money arrived safely, but that’s lads for you!
The Aussie branch of the family have been told not to send gifts. The postal charges are ridiculous. I will get cards from one, possibly two of them, but not my eldest DS and DIL who are terrible at keeping in touch. They are the ones with no children, and most free time, too.
I send cards to all of them, for any special occasions, but gifts, not very expensive ones or some money, only to the GC.
I would be very hurt if my birthday was completely unaccknowledged . I certainly wouldn’t be sending money to.nephews and nieces who asked for it, but otherwise ignored me. My thoughts are with any of you whose birthdays go unremarked by the family. It’s a sad situation. Flowers for you all xx.

Our family (4 grown up daughters, 4 grandchildren) don’t really worry too much about cards and gifts. Sometimes we send them, sometimes we don’t. But we all chat regularly and are there to help if needed. Those are the things that matter. Grown up children and grandchildren are busy with their own lives and friends. That’s all. It can be hard to realise that you’re not the main person in their lives anymore and, in a way, it would be pretty sad if you were.

I am sorry that you feel hurt but a card is not a measure of love, they're young and distracted and just don't think of cards. You sound like such a lovely Gran that I'm sure they can't help but love you.
I am a practical sort myself and see cards and postage as a bit of a rip off. I'd much rather a telephone call or a whatsapp message. Since the advent of Whatsapp our whole family post a string of messages to the birthday boy/girl and we can then print the page off if we choose, much easier to store one sheet of A4 than a pile of cards that you feel can't be thrown. The advantage is that all the youngsters are on the family group and so everyone is reminded of everyone else's birthday.
Facetime and zoom also provide nice family chats which also include family overseas so birthdays can be quite joyous without a penny being spent.

it is sad, to be so taken for granted and unregarded.
don't collude in it. don't be a victim.
send messages that don't cost money, or effort shopping.
but don't extend yourselves for people who take without giving.

I had a birthday recently,the first one on my own.I GD who I am very close to brought a lovely card plus flowers and wine.Another GD ,who I am also close to ,came two days earlier with a fruit hamper and 2 bottles of gin from her 2 sisters and 1 brother.I consider myself very lucky to get cards from all of them and home made cards from the 3 foster grandchildren and 1 GGD.I know they are all concerned for me and unable to visit.

on the whole there are no thank yous anymore, disgraceful really and bad mannered especially when these days it is so easy with the internet and texts

Totally agree with pint sized who says they will regret later. Sounds like a lovely person. Personally I have today bought a card but no gift for great niece who is 21 as I feel that despite being so close when she was younger is now more like a stranger.

Thank you everyone, it nice to know they are happy, that’s the main thing. I will continue to sent cards and a gift card, not expect anything back. I would feel mean not acknowledging their birthdays as it’s contact with them. I have decided to reduce the amount I give though and start to treat myself on my birthday, but I won’t wrap it.?

I have two grown up boys and always remind them when it's Grandad's birthday (Mum died last year). It could be argued that I shouldn't have to remind them but it's worth it when my dad tells me they've sent a card, visited or phoned.

DH had to be reminded when his own DM’s birthday was - and every year was surprised when I told him it was the same date as my DF’s birthday! With that sort of track record I’m not surprised that DGC forget birthdays - but in my experience usually their Mums remind them and they do something about it. If they then can’t be bothered why should you bother about them?

I post a gift to our great-nieces and nephews at Christmas and even write my email address on the card.
One niece always sends a handwritten thank you card, two nieces-in-law send a Facebook messenger post, others don't respond and I don't even know if the gift arrived (or didn't they like it?).
Hey ho. Can't win 'em all ?

You should ever give a gift to expect one in return.....

these mostly mothers who have to prompt youngsters to remember GPs' birthdays, why don't they tell them to put it in their phones, under calendar, with a reminder a week before.
maybe stand over them while they do it.
bet they've got all their important events in there.

I agree with your sentiments Apricity and Peardrop50 but if you enjoy receiving cards and a small gift as I do then I think one's family should be aware of this and do it because it gives pleasure. A little thoughtfulness goes a long way.

I think it is the trend with a lot of youngsters now, my nephew 'doesn't do' cards, he likes to receive them though, especially if there is something in them! He doesn't even sent them to his Gran who is 98 next month. I think he is downright mean not to send her one!

I wouldn’t be particularly upset about a card or visit, but surely that could manage a text.

Part of the reasons we had family breakdowns were due to this sort of thing. My late MIL had expectations, certainly around cards and presents. I always felt our parents generation were a generation that expected things, and there was a duty to do certain things. We reversed that for our children. We said if you want to.....fine, if you don’t want to.....fine. No explanation needed. There’s no joy in receiving something that the giver has been told to send you.

I honestly think that we were the last generation to be brought up to remember relations' and friends' birthdays and wedding anniversaries.

I don't know, can't remember looking back, if we tried to bring our children up to do the same.

I just know that they don't do it, either because they don't think it is important or because they just forget.

I think we just have to accept it, as it will cause bad feeling if we reproach them, but it could perhaps be time to consider whether present giving is to continue.

In my family we give presents if we are actually with a person at Christmas or on a birthday, otherwise we don't.

Try not to be too hurt- easier said than done, I know and do buy yourself something on your own birthday.