Morbid Thoughts

Me too... faced it over the last year with a cancer diagnosis.
Got the miseries but soon kicked them in to touch and decided to turn it all on it’s head with the thoughts that you only get “one death”
So whilst I’m fit (ish) and as healthy as it’s possible to be with this diagnosis I’m just going to jolly well live as best I can today!
I also work in healthcare and see the worst of it , so I know that a positive mental attitude can really help. As daunting and inevitable as it is none of us truly know what,when or where.....so let’s just enjoy what we can today?

I don't think that anyone here has mentioned J M Barrie's words (spoken by Peter Pan) - "to die will be an awfully big adventure". As an agnostic, I find these words to be rather comforting. In the meantime, I want to enjoy life while I can and make the most of the years that I have left. (I find that focusing on living tends to limit the extent to which I focus on dying.)

Urmstongran I wouldn’t take another 50 years .... but I would take another 20 or 25 ( I’m 68 now)My gran died at 81 and my mum lived to see 91 years...so on that basis I might live to 101.... I hope not but who knows.

Midgey love your post.

That's exactly what my mom used to say. It may be hard to accept that life will go on without us, but I've plenty of evidence that it does. Death is a certainty so why waste precious life worrying about it.

I had a knee replacement recently and was stupidly totally convinced I would not survive the operation because of age and just general misery. Previously I felt very guilty as my mother had died before her 70th and I'm chugging towards 74. I had downloaded the Swedish Death cleanse book and it is pushing me to clarify what I want to do with stuff. I do not think any of us are indispensable and @Gillybob I worry about you. You will be amazed peering over the edge of your fluffy white cloud how brilliantly they will manage without you. They might have a sharp learning curve but isn't it up to us to make sure they will manage?

My Father recently passed away,and in dealing with everything relating to that,I started to think much more about my own passing.I am fifty nine this year.Death is obviously inevitable,and I found thinking about the practicalities very comforting.I purchased a plot in a woodland cemetery for my ashes,and knowing where my final resting place will be is a good thing.It will also be one less thing for my children to deal with.I also made a will,enclosing a letter setting down who gets what in terms of personal possessions.It is so helpful,at the time of grief,to know exactly what a persons wishes are and to carry them out.
My Father left one hell of a mess for us to sort out,it took us seven months of hard work to deal with it all.This has prompted me to have a massive sort out and downsizing operation,and again it has been so beneficial emotionally,
really freeing in many ways.I now feel having done all I can to take responsibility for my own passing,I can enjoy the rest of my life without thinking too much more about it.I hope this helps.

I went through a phase back in my late twenties/early thirties, when I was scared at bedtimes that I would die in my sleep. Think it must have been a post-natal thing. Funnily enough now, in my late seventies, I don't give it a thought.

I doubt if there would be any comfy cosy beds in Heaven. So, not for me thanks. I do like my bed.

I think it will be exactly how it was before we were born. Remember that?

Ah poor u I think its natural to think of death as u get older it's something that doesn't bother younger people I guess I sometimes wonder how it will happen and can't imagine myself not being here but it's inevitable try as one of the ladies before said to push it from yr mind and replace it with a good thought not as easy as I think I know but worth a try, sending good thoughts to u

I lost my mother to cancer and father to alzheimers. Now I am in my sixtys I am scared of illness and dying. I try to not think about it but every now and then something triggers those sad thoughts.

I'm the same Sebstar,have been for years,since my mum died when I was 20. I saw a counsellor but that didn't help.Hate thinking and feeling like this,wish I could turn off the thoughts in my head

Afeica33 - what's DMT?
Use of negative words ie 'morbid' to describe natural curiosity of an inevitable event, stifles open honest debate... sooooo glad to hear from Veda Jimbow15 who know that we are not bodies evolved from an imaginary chemical soup without a soul but precious eternal souls with a body. You may be fascinated to discover your genetic mitochodrial DNA goes back to just one woman, not a procession of apes .
Greengran asks who knows where we will end up - I recommend a book called the Bible.
Its wonderful message makes me happy I'm alive but boy, am I looking forward to eternity! God bless you all, GN'ers

I do think it's natural to think about it more as you get older. From rarely encountering it in our youth, we're surrounded by it...aging parents, our peers telling us their ailments, celebs our age dying...And of course our own aging, aches and pains.
I think you need to settle in your mind what you think about an afterlife. When queries about religion, whether you're doing enough, are besetting you but never dealt with...I think they become an additional stressor, floating round in back of mind.
Would you really want it all again? I'm a pretty content 56 yr old..but once is enough for me!
I think we naturally slow down a bit, want a simpler life. Just think...everyone has to die. You're not singled out, it's a given for all. So the best we can do is make most of every opportunity. Immerse yourself in an interesting hobby, get as many days out as you can, just keep busy, active, achieving.
We all fear suffering...but for so many death is swift, or thanks to modern medicines just a sleepy time of gradually fading away (my 90-something aunt is in final stages of cancer but pain-free and just asleep most of time.)
Make enjoying every day your priority. xxx

Some of you might like to see a local performance of 'Outside the Box' www.fullcircleproductions.org.uk/

which is 'funny, wise and taboo busting; Outside The Box confronts the ‘Elephant in the room’ with grace and humour, asking its audience to embrace mortality and look on the bright side of life, with a weave of untold and surprising stories, a hint of history and some pithy commentary on the funeral industry'

Why not take a friend and get those discussions going? I have no connections with this company, but our local hospice recommended it.

I am so pleased with this post, it gets into the open and makes you realise that you are not the only one. I think my next steps to have a declutter and get my son and gc to help to see what they would like to keep. Other than that life is for the living and we are going on another adventure (ask we call it) next. Going away with no plans and just see what happens .

Because we live with chronic disease and at present have serious personal financial issues, we are tempted to stop wasting NHS resources

Skyweek1 This has to be one of the saddest posts I have ever read on GN (and I have been here since the beginning).

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but sadly I don't think there is . I do wish I could win the lottery and take away your financial worries (I know exactly how hard it can be) and I wish you relief and comfort from your illnesses. sending you and wishing you lots of

I know what you mean I go through moments of feeling like that and then think come on get a grip, the sun is shining and you can put one foot in front of the other. My neighbour is 103 still baking, going out when she feels like it and able to have lovely chats with, just look on it as a phase and it will pass

Thank goodness for posts like this! Surely big part of Gransnet blessings is relief of discovering you're not alone with your worries, and exchange ideas and info to help each other. (Yes, I certainly worry intensely at times about my own &/or my husband's death, but it helps a lot to recognise that it's quite normal to).

There are strategies you can use to reduce your fears. A really good one is to put your affairs in order! Many people think making a will is morbid. It's not! Once done, it's a huge weight off your mind. It's especially important if you own your house. Many solicitors offer a reasonable rate for a simple will. My mother-in-law got a DIY will form and made an awful mess of filling it in, legally speaking. It was just lucky that it worked out OK.

Once that's done, think about decluttering. Many posters on GN have described how they've decluttered to save their family that job. You could invite a friend to help you.

Once that's in hand, (the practical side of things), use distraction. Make a list of the good things in your life and, if you've got time to worry about death (you'll be too busy decluttering) use your list to distract your thoughts. If death pops into your head, tell yourself NO! and substitute a pleasant thought. It will help to break the habit of dwelling on worrying thoughts.

A brilliant website called FutureLearn (find it with a Google search) runs a regular Mindfulness course. It's free and it's enjoyable. It teaches us to live in the moment, avoid ruminating and that worrying is futile because it changes nothing. Action is what counts if you're worrying about something you can change. All other worrying is a waste of time.

Note to self (1): If it's so easy, why haven't you done it?I

Actually, I have made my will and at least my loft is empty, although that's only because we never put the stuff back after getting new insulation!

Note to self (2): Get rid of the clutter! Start today! You can do it! Fight the hopelessly lazy side of you that says, tomorrow....

Don't hold your breath on that last one, folks...?

LIfe is to be lived and it’s how you live it that counts.
I am 73 my husband is 78 we live in the now, we know one day death will come, when who knows just make the most of each day and enjoy your family,friends.

My thoughts were headed in this way as well. But in December my daughter and I were involved in a serious accident that could have killed us both. We both survived and the plus side believe it or not it ended those thoughts.

I now have a different take on death and that is it can happen and it's simply lights out we are done. It makes everything in my life magnified and more pleasurable.

Also here in the U.S. it seems to me that my generation I am 60 have a preoccupation with illness's and talking about them It feels like I can barely remember a conversation that did not involved health care, someone being sick, someone dieing etc. So now I limit my time with those people and try to hang out more with my children and other younger people. It sounds harsh but I think you need to insulate yourself from being around that kind of age related negativity.

Not sure if any of that helps but hope that it does!

DH and I have both spent the last 2 weeks in the same hospital - he was suspected of heart failure, but this was changed to liver disease. I have recurrent diabetic complications. Because we live with chronic disease and at present have serious personal financial issues, we are tempted to stop wasting NHS resources and just give in, knowing that we are ready to die, knowing that we have no family apart from MIL and DS, both capable of coping without us.

Hi Sebstar. Just by reading the comments in here you must realise just how common and natural it is so worrying is just making your days unhappy.
As we all know ,death is unrgoing to happen s and we can’t escape it (not that I would want to ), my mother and my father (god rest them) both died in their early 70s so I always worried when I reached my 70s I would join them. I think the only thing I achieved from that worry was almost white hair. I think since my mid 70s I have been living on borrowed time and now I am 82 I just wonder if I will reach 83 but I have stopped worrying about it and I advise you to do the same. Think about it ,prepare for it if you want but don’t worry about it and I wish you and your husband. A long(er) and happy life

Sorry meant my message was referring to Day 6 message not Sebstar. ?

@EllanVannin your encouraging words are uplifting to us all - Bless you