offering to help with a credit card bill

Let your son and daughter in law sort it out for themselves. They haven't asked for your help so leave them to it. I'm amazed how many 'grans' blame everything on to their daughter in law, a bit unjust unless you have any solid reason for knowing this. You seem to have helped them out enough already by giving them the deposit on a house, you must be a lot more generous than me because I wouldn't have done. You say you're disappointed, heaven knows why, you've actually encouraged them to use money which isn't theirs, for the deposit.

Mind your own business, it could have been your son that run up that debt!

One of our children has debts.The others are good at managing their money. We have helped in the past but now keep out of it although I do worry about it . He ignores it!! He has other good points but managing money is not one of them.

*i o

If he's old enough to be married and have a house and credit he surely knows about 0% credit cards and transferring to the best option.
If he him self can't manage money then he'll learn the inly way...the hard way. Mum and dad should not interfere except in extreme circumstances, if they can at all.
He's married, not a child reliant on mum.

I wouldn't say or do anything as others have said. Coming late to the thread I'm not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but a lot of people have loaded up credit cards in January. Christmas expense and maybe a holiday booking. If your son has a well paid job he may even get a bonus in January and is intending to pay the debt off then and has used the card as a short term stop gap. So unless you are approached because they are in serious difficulties I would leave well alone.

*expect

If you keep helping 'bailing' them out they will never learn to manage their finances. If your DiL is not good at money management, it is up to your son to have a serious conversation with her.
You could cause your DiL to become resentful of your interference in her and your son's private affairs.
The fact that you will exect it to be repaid, is neither here nor there nor is the fact that you can afford to do so.
We bring our children up to be independent and you are acting as a backstop by not letting them get on with it.
They are adults and well capable of organising their own affairs and yes, I did note that your son asked for advice about certain things but not the cc debt.
Forget it.

They may already be on 0% interest credit card.
Martin Lewis often advises to change credit card debt from one card to another to keep it at 0%.
Some people use credit cards instead of an overdraft.

It’s possible that the bill was left out intentially, but I doubt it. You would most likely be accused of snooping! I know from experience that it’s hard not to “not see” something but I’d hope that if it was one of my children and they really couldn’t pay it without struggling, that they would feel they could ask for a loan.
Try to put it out of your mind unless it comes up in conversation!

Keep out of it at all costs as it's none of your business.

No no no if they were homeless or struggling then I d be the first to help They are two working people they need to learn to pull their horns in and stay within their means or it will be 10k next time
They haven’t even tried to involve you so don’t say a word

A zero % credit card is a much smarter way to borrow than a car loan or personal loan if you keep on top of it.
Its not a lot of money. It could be paid off within the year if they have an okay money.

Its not good of they were relying on credit cards to put food on the table, but for big items its a smart way to borrow.

Theres credit card debt then theres credit card debt.

Oh my goodness! I have skim read this thread and see that the majority would do nowt and stay out of it. Well I'm shocked at that.

It seems you have a good relationship with your son in that he asked advice about something, so that's good. he also left details re credit card account etc where you could see so that seems open to you too. What you don't know is whether that credit card is a zero interest card that he already has or transferred debt too in which case he could already have worked out a time period when that debt could be cleared without charges.

I would have a quiet chat with him regarding this. His response to you will let you know whether he intended you to see it or whether he has this sensibly under control. If he is paying huge charges on this then he needs to look into a zero charge credit card that he could transfer balance to. As others have stated Martin Lewis site will help you both further on this.

It is the most adult thing to do to have a sensible conversation with him. If his reaction after that is butt out then you might have to butt out.

My parents were quite poor when i wad growing up. I had 4 sisters. My parents always went without (so did we) until they had saved up for it. My parents taught my older sisters and i to budget and save. Once me and my older sisters all left home my parents better off. My younger sister given a lot more help. My Dad sent her so many cheques when she was at uni. She never learned to budget and married a husband who spends money like water. My parents bailed her out when they were alive paying off numerous credit card debt. After parents died inheritance split equally. Youngest sister spent what our parents had spent all their lives savings in 20 months. The rest of us have invested and grown ours. My parents thought they were helping her but actually they helped us far more by making us understand the value of money. It is hard for us but when she moans about having no money we change subject. We pay for meals and are generous with her children but we don't pay her credit cards off for her. My advice mention 0% cred cards are wonderful things. Point out offer in newspaper etc but go no further. Force them to learn.

Don’t get involved! The credit card bill is their business and I expect they don’t want you to know about it. You might feel you can help but from your comments about it this would come at a hidden price of criticism albeit unspoken. To be honest £5000 is a fairly low level of debt theses days and I speak from a professional capacity! If they need help I am sure they would ask. It’s not worth putting a good relationship with them at risk!

If they do not have children that could suffer as a result of this debt and both capable of working to pay off their debt then it is not your problem.

I can only agree with everyone else. We have learned to our cost that well intentioned financial rescuing can encourage more debt and financial dependency. It's so important for our children (and grandchildren in my case) to learn the negative consequences of debt.

£5000 isn't a huge amount by today's standards and should be very manageable for a well paid working couple. I have good reason to think that getting entangled in the finances of a family member is a potential trap best avoided.

Also remember that credit ratings are there for a purpose and that paying debts off for someone might prevent the poor credit rating which would help protect them from a future bad situation.

I think the OP is probably worrying unnecessarily. Fingers crossed anyway.

I was told, "Never loan money to your kids; if you wish to give, make it a gift." They learn nothing by you paying off their debt; they could possibly run up the debt again. Do they have children? I might pay for lessons that they wouldn't be able to afford on their own, or special clothing for their children. Then, you are buying something that gives you joy, rather than paying off something that they shouldn't have purchased.

For goodness sake keep quiet....... Our children have expenses that we never had, they work so hard, much harder than we did, in most cases both partners have full time jobs, homes to run, growing families and all the expenses that entails these days. Most need two cars just to get to work. to be honest I don't know how they do it in fact 5k isn't that much, I had the same until I retired and paid it off. I generally give mine money for birthdays and they can use that to pay off smaller debts if they want and now and again they just get a little wodge. I don't want it back.

Definitely keep it under your hat. It’s their business.

I'd keep quiet too.
You don't know how it arose - it might be that dil overspend or pit could be that its from a planned big buy on a zero interest card.

Something very similar happened to me recently. Please do.not make the same mistake I did by mentioning it. My daughter was furious and we nearly fell out.

Thank you again, and I think most of you have realised that I am not 'blaming' my DiL.
I think the reason I said that, is that as my son is away a lot, I know he manages utility bills etc. but DiL does day-to-day spending. We spend quite a bit of time together, and so that's how I know how she is not 'careful' (whilst not extravagant either).
That certainly doesn't make her a bad person - and I also don't know what the spend was on.
Knowing their personalities, they will have learned their lesson.
And regarding 'control' - one reason I am reluctant to get involved is that I would hate for that to be an issue. Your experiences have all been helpful, and confirm that I say nothing - but be alert for any hints being dropped.
Thank you again.

Please do not say anything about it. If they had wanted your help, I am sure your son would have asked for it, and not left something out accidently on purpose!

Probably he either forgot that piece of paper he left lying, or else he relied on your not reading something he didn't intend you to see.

Kerrenhappuch made a good point; in your place I would definitely not help them pay off a credit card debt.

Your DIL may be a poor manager, but to me the likeliest explanation is that they bought things, assuming they could pay for them, (expecting a raise perhaps?) or helped a friend out who let them down when it came to paying back.