Behaviour of dgd

Can I just ask what’s wrong with Disney?

Granny loves Disney. Aged lover loves Disney. AC love Disney. GC love Disney.

Best family holidays always.......well you get the idea.

Oh we all loved Butlins too.

guess we are just Chavs ??‍♀️?‍♂️??‍♀️?

There is nothing wrong with a holiday in a country cottage - but what some posters are failing to realise is that they went with children - who have each other to play with.

BlueBelle Tue 14-Aug-18 06:33:37 Your post is spot on.

We have experienced both - holidays with children and holidays with a child and believe me, holidaying with just one child is much harder work.
When we had one child left at home (there being an age gap) we did have a dog and, if we went on holiday in the UK, at least the child had the dog as company as well as parents - parents who were willing to play on the beach, go in the sea, fly a kite, play frisbee, beach cricket etc endlessly.

Sometimes it's a choice to have just one child and sometimes it is not.

As for Disney - it doesn't appeal to me but other Granny and the DGC loved it!

Newmom Not letting her go on the donkey ride unless she behaves herself is like setting her up to fail.
That is the expression I was trying to think of yesterday - all this "you can go on the train/the beach/the adventure playground" only if you behave" *is setting her up to fail.
The wrong way to deal with bad behaviour.
Think positive and you may get eagerness and good behaviour.

So she behaves badly when she's taken shopping! What child does enjoy shopping? Plenty of adults find it boring but necessary. How necessary is it to take her to the supermarket?

Presumably the cottage has a garden - does Daddy go in the garden with her to play games whilst Mummy is preparing a meal or vice versa - what games did they take with them btw? We usually found room in the boot for balls, boules, racquets, frisbees etc.

You see Ethel I might have this quite wrong but it sounds as if your daughter has worked her butt off and wants a perfect little family holiday a magazine cover cottage in lovely surroundings mum and dad holding hands while child skips off making daisy chains .... but forget it
‘They don’t like a noisy holiday camp’ ! Really I can count on a hundred hands the things I haven’t liked or wanted to do when entertaining my kids There are plenty of quieter camp sites around that still have kids amenities Bringing up children is a huge sacrifice and I just think that you are all expecting way too much from this little lively bundle and she’s kicking out She’s not a Victorian child doing her needlework

I m really concerned that Ethel feels she has got to ‘save’ the situation by sacrificing her own holidays

I prefer 5* hotels to caravans or tents, but it just wasn't possible when the DC were younger - and they would probably have hated that anyway.

Does she have any cousins or do they have family friends with children similar ages? Some of my family have found it's better to go on holiday and meet up with family or friends cousins so that the only child has someone to play with.

typo in there! '
family with cousins or friends with children'

etheltbags1 Don't despair too much!

I found this site in first place because I was concerned about my then 4 year old's behaviour. He sounded very much like your GD and like yours, MY daughter was demented! I had brought up six children and non of them were like him so even I hadn't experienced it before. I got similar responses from everywhere i.e. parents fault, don't do enough, bored, you should do this, that the other. Fact is non of it worked with my GS.

I agree, a lot of it has to do with overly bright kids being bored and I think the people who think the solution is an easy one have possibly never had a child who is so wilful? Sometimes it just isn't possible to devote all your time and attention to the one unruly child.

Children DO have to accept certain boundaries and rules no matter what age (for safety issues if not out of respect).

Although I was upset for my daughter which is what I think you are feeling? I found I had to step back a little and resist the urge to 'take over' I found inspiration in a strange place and pointed my daughter in that direction (I won't say where because it is advertising and it is quite controversial way of rearing children) BUT ....found that it helped and with consistency and coupled with finding external activities (such as Taekwando) plus starting school full time, things improved considerably.

He is now quite a delight and a very very intelligent boy. His teachers love him and well....I am such a proud Grandma.

So please do not think you have a grandaughter from hell and things will never change. Lots and lots of people would be able to empathise with you in this.

It sounds really worrying and I do understand why you are so concerned. I won't add to the advice already offered, but I most strongly suggest you and your dd read the book 'How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk'. It isn't a magic wand, but does have a lot of really valuable ideas in it, based on research and many many parents' experience.

Ahhh! The point is that she's getting a reaction. Ignore all the flim-flam and naughtiness, make sure that whatever tantrum she indulges in, no attention is paid to her other than msking sure that she's safe.
When shopping, buy some extendable reins to attach to the trolley and warn her that they will be used.
I bet she's bored after all, what 4 yr old wants to spend all holiday with mum or granny, people she sees every week at home.
Maybe your DD could find some other children for her to interact with at a safe play area where they are holidaying.
You can get wrist straps (like a watch) which have a tracker in and an app to go on your phone, should she run off.
Buy her a simple kite to fly, a bubble blower, something to tire her out. Play cricket or tennis, the child size ones are cheap and can be left if they don't want to bring back extra luggage.
Leaving her to play sedentary games or walking around places of no interest to children of that age, is a no-no.
You can do no more.
As for the eternal question 'is she being bullied?' why do people ask that? She's 4 not 14. It never came into my head to think that with my 5. There will always be people you come up against in life, child or adult. It's life.

"The grown-up don't like the noise and bustle" and the wee one doesn't like the "peace and quiet".
It's all about priorities then. My 2 wouldn't enjoy a holiday with nothing to do either.

No I am sure you haven't Ethelbags! Problem is with pushing boundaries, if the boundaries keep moving, no one knows where they are, and that is distressing for children. If you think it is time to leave a party she is attending, then you go, you don't let her rule the roost by refusing until everyone else has left. Was SiL over indulged as a child, in which case he won't understand the concept of being spoilt?

It is difficult for parents if they are not used to standing firm, and important to pick your battles, but for unacceptable behaviour 'no' really has to mean that, the first time it is uttered, no debate. Distraction can still work to an extent at 5, and rewards and praise for good behaviour the most effective, but do encourage your poor daughter to set those boundaries!

Frankly, if this behaviour is only while the family is on a holiday that sounds exceedingly boring for a five year old, I think both Ethel and her dd should grin and bear it. Tell dd to try as far as possible to ignore this bad behaviour - making a fuss about it, will only make the child worse.

Tell her also, either to send her better half shopping on his own with a shopping list, or make him look after his DD in the cottage while Mum does the shopping on her own.

Unfortunately, I think this child is realising that her parents are not in agreement as to how she should be brought up and that she is indulging in the time-honoured sport of playing the one parent off against the other.

Dear Ethel, as others have said your DD needs to have a serious talk with her husband about common guidelines for bringing up their daughter, and if this bad behaviour continues at home, the family are either going to need what used to be called a child guidance clinic, or a marriage councillor, as nothing is going to improve until the adults sort out their difficulties.

Havung read further...holiday cottage in Yorkshire? Lol. The child wouldn't be interested at 14 or 24, never mind 4/5.
I remember spending 3 weeks over Christmas/NY in an hotel with 4 of my children at a well known seaside resort on my own as DH was working abroad. Youngest was under 12 months old. We found plenty to do and staff were happy to babysit occasionally when they were bathed and in bed, so I could have a 'grown-up' meal in the dining room.
It helped that I stayed there regularly but when you have children they come first and I can honestly say that none of mine ever had a tantrum or ran off...ever.

Sorry...typo. Having

I am going to put my teacher hat back on and give you some suggestions. It can be the change to routine, the unexpected that cause the child to be unsettled . The best thing to do is to create a visual timetable of what she is going to be doing. Schools use lovely colourful cards but a series of post its where you create a visual for what is going to be happening. This can be as simple as a matchstick drawing as long as granddaughter understands what it represents. Get her involved. One sheet per activity. Stick them on a a piece of card in order. As each activity is completed get her to remove the relevant post it and bin it. I did this with an uncooperative grandson who was uncertain when staying with us for the night. We drew pictures of his bedtime routine and he enjoyed looking to see what was next and screwing up the paper when finished. Hope it improves for all of you

I’ve just had my 5year old gs to stay for a week. He too liked to run off and boy is he fast! We took him to lots of child centred places, which he seemed to enjoy, as long as he could climb, run and generally let off steam.
Back home was a different story, couldn’t sit still for five minutes and not interested in anything. That’s when the problems started and the tantrums too. I was shocked,I thought tantrums faded away after about three.
I can really sympathise with Ethelbags daughter. I was exhausted at the end of the week.

Can I just ask Ethel is the partner the child’s father ? or if not has he been involved with her from a baby or is the relationship more recent tho s could be quite an important question ?

When children misbehave, you have to look at the parents' behaviour. Are they consistent on the serious issues like running off, kicking etc. Are they too strict on the minor issues so children feel they have no control over any decision affecting them? Do they give the child enough time to just run around in a safe place? Does the child feel loved and that their parents give them enough quality attention or is it only given when they are misbehaving?

Young kids hate shopping in supermarkets so why take them unless you involve them in finding the things you want to buy. Buy some reins and put them on her if she continues to run off, no matter what the age, and say they will be taken off when she can walk sensibly! Praise a lot when she does good things and only give treats when she choses good behaviour ( not to be used for bribery beforehand). Remove the audience and ignore her when she is misbehaving on the naughty step and saying she hates you and only start the countdown when she is sitting quietly and then talk about why she was put there afterwards.
For every naughty child, you can usually see inadequate parenting alongside but the child gets the blame for the bad behaviour!

If her other grandparents spoil her the she is trying to make you do the same, give in and say yes to her every whim.
She will be great fun when she is older. Meanwhile you have to explain why you ask her to do something and stick to your word. You can try bargaining but I suspect she will just run you ragged. Keep surviving but don't, whatever you do, give in. It will pass but better get this stage out of the way while she is young when the mistakes will be relatively little ones. Rebelliousness in older children tends to be more serious and lead to major problems.
Try to take the burden of coping in turns to give time to recharge batteries with perhaps an alcoholic reward after long, hard days.
Good luck {flowers}

There’s a hard truth here: you don’t get a holiday from parenting small kids.

If you go on holiday with tots and expect that YOU will have a relaxing break, your expectations will be grossly disappointed.

Relaxing fun adult holidays are for folks with no small children to look after.

The rest of us are just trying to survive ?

Typical teacher idea...dreadful.

That was for hatpev

My daughter used to start getting ready for a tantrum as soon as she felt the buggy slow down as I looked at a shop I might go into.

It sounds very much like your GD is unsettled by the changes around her.
It might be an idea for your DD to set a routine that she can hold to, breakfast, teeth, dress, read a book/quiet play, a trip out after plenty of warning, lunch, etc then a gentle wind down toward bedtime.
I'd suggest, where possible, to ignore the tantrums, and act as though they never happened, unless of course she is at risk.
My then 4yr old GD, (now 10), decided she didn't want to walk through a shopping centre and sat down, refusing all attempts to get her to move. I walked to the side, watching her all the time while she kicked and screamed at me. I continted to ignore her and after 10, (long), minutes she got up, came over to me and hugged me. That was when I realised that we were being watched by a security guard, 2 police officers and my daughter!
My GD never pulled that tantrum again.