no-chat partner

I too live in a mostly silent house . Occasionally start a conversation but as other half is selectively deaf too, it gets
difficult.
He “entertains” me by muttering to himself and often repeating old song lyrics.
Luckily I can get away for walks with the dog and fun things I do with my friends and family.
Guess it could be worse. ??

You are so right kwest.
At 60, I've been on my own for twenty years now. My husband died young, suddenly and unexpectedly. Sometimes, when I hear other and older people grumbling about their partners I think, well at least you have yours. He or she got 20, 30, 40 years or more longer in this world than mine did.
I'm not seeking to underestimate the unhappiness some people can feel in enduring but difficult relationships but I do find myself biting my tongue when I hear friends moaning because their husband didn't take the bin out, left the loo seat up or some other petty grievance. I would give anything to have my lovely husband back for fifteen minutes.

Life is short , every moment is precious. Appreciate what you have. Neither of you are perfect. Many of your friends, alone and lonely, would give anything to have their partners back for fifteen minutes. I am terrified that my wonderful husband will die and I know he feels that way about me too.
We are both (touch wood) healthy , happy and grateful for what we have, however humble, and so afraid of something beyond our control bringing it to an end. Don't waste a second with regrets, we are where we are, let us be satisfied.

I'm wondering if we grow quieter and more contemplative as we get older. I always thought of myself as a gregarious person, loved to chat, always worked in jobs which had a lot of contact with customers, clients, students. I've lived alone for a long time now and can happily spend days immersed in my hobbies talking to no one at all. I do still enjoy a interesting conversation but increasingly find mundane chit chat boring. I guess it must be harder to be living with someone and find the conversation has run dry.

We don't talk much but it's not a silence! I'm on my laptop and she's on her tablet but comments do get passed. Much like Victor and Margaret Meldrew. We also have our Jean Warboyes, a friend of over 40 years who is recently widowed. DW understands that I am not a demonstrative person and accepts it but she knows I'll have her best interests at heart. We're all different so have to manage in a way that suits us.

Many years ago I got so fed up of listening to my own voice ,trying to make conversation with my husband that in the end I stopped talking to him and he did'nt even notice. If I asked him something there would be a reply ,usually a yes or no or why do you want know.Eventually the rot set in and we stopped communicating at all. Sad to say when he passed away I hardly missed him at all. How sad is that?

My wife speaks enough for both of us.
I am a good listener, or at least crack on to be.

I've been married for 38 years, and never really noticed the fact that my husband is not bothered about talking much.... we used to go out, see friends, then we had our 2 sons, so everything revolved around them.

Now, he's 60, I'm 59, and as great as he is, he bores me to death. He can (and does) sit and watch old programmes on tv, for hours at a time. I too feel lonely at times, but we meet a group of his mates and their wives every Saturday evening, and I have friends I can meet with for Zumba 3 evenings, then the rest of the time he's in one room, I'm in another. He works full-time, I work part-time, so I see a lot of other people in work.

Neither of us speaks much. I used to share things with him but after being ignored or getting no reaction I stopped. Now I only speak if I have to and know exactly what he is going to say at certain times of the day. Eg at 10oclock do you want a cup of tea. 10.30 pm I think I’ll go up to my bed.
It’s quite sad for both of us I think. I have friends to talk to. He plays golf but I have no idea if he is chatty or not.

We have just got home from a weekend away and have been sitting in companiable silence catching up with the world on our phones. We always have something to chat about but having chatted non stop since Friday with our friends it's nice to be quiet. The best thing for me is that the TV hasn't been switched on. He seems to need that on as background noise. Now that really annoys me.

We are the same Monica, plenty to chat about on all sorts of topics. Love it.

Menopaws I think I may have some idea of where you are coming from.
I have pm’d you.
Bon courage!

with my partner its nice sometimes to just sit in companionable silence with no awkwardness but i would hate it if we never talked can you find common ground ask about hobbies work interests or have you come to the end of the road

I was never so lonely as when my husband was here. Gone now and I am no longer ignored or disrespected and no longer feel lonely.
I can phone my sisters or friends if I want a chat. I talk to my plants too and there’s no-one here to think I am silly.

Me: Do you think we chat enough?
MrA: Well you chat enough with your friends, don’t you?
Me: I’m talking about us, you and me.
MrA: Well, there’s no point in chatting about things that don’t interest you, is there?
Me: Yes, but do we chat enough?
MrA: Jane, no stone is left unturned!
??

7 years ago, 3 yrs after getting divorced, I decided to join a paid dating agency and met or spoke to several really nice men. One in particular could, and did, talk about any subject under the sun. Some of our pbone conversations went on from about 9pm till 6am the next morning and I kid you not.
Talk ranged seamlessly from our children to his business, from the inner workings of a washing machine to IT systems, from arboriculture to food prep to the weave of Persian rugs to travel, books, the inner workings of cars.......I'll leave the other several hundred topics.
Time seemed to fly and I was never tired during all that time. It was a regular thing via Skype. He lived in Berkshire but we never actually met.
I now have a partner with whom I do not live. We enjoy great conversations because I'm interested in his work (he's a CEO in banking) and he's interested in women's incidental chat as a relief from his predominantly male world of work.
Exactly 5 years ago last month, I met someone on a day out at his place of work (a sporting venue) and we too have long conversations interspersed with him inviting me out or to go on holiday with him (sleep separately) to Australia or anywhere I choose.
I like my own space and could never live with a man 24/7. Men who simply want to sit and watch tv are not attractive to me. They have to be interesting and able to converse with anyone...but shut up when I'm reading.

knspol. My late husband was always ready with a joke and lots of conversation when we were out and about. Everyone thought that he was such a jolly chap. At home, though, he spent most of his time watching dvd's of all the old comedy series, and 'nodding off' at regular intervals!

Yesterday I had a lovely chat with a man with no voice! We were both looking at jig-saw puzzles on a car-boot stall. I made a comment, and he pointed out the hole in his neck. He had had surgery for throat cancer, and now can't speak and breathes through the hole. By means of me lip-reading, and him writing on his notepad we chatted for about 10 minutes. Apart from the throat cancer, he is also in remission from bowel cancer. He was an amazingly cheerful man, coping well with all his difficulties, and I admire him very much.

Cabbie21 Yes I have a grumbler too. It gets me down as he doesn’t have anything nice to say about anything or anyone. When I suggest something positive he says I am naive, so now I just mentally switch off.
He says, when I ask him something, that he has already told me and I don’t listen Perhaps the switching off is becoming a habit!!

I am really suffering from 'loneliness ' at the moment, I just don't know where I stand. Himself has cancer treatment every other week so we have a good week..chat chat touchy feely everything is lovely then we have bad week..no chat, hard face, no attention, silence, snippy remarks so just as I think he hates me he comes back to the man I married. My god I find it hard as it undermines my confidence and although I expect it, it's always lonely and I feel very sad for a few days.
I've described it as his pmt. he doesn't know he is in it, thinks I'm talking nonsense if I mention it and if I say he is being a git he is quite verbally hurtful, then the following week he is a darling, smiley and attentive.
I'm up and down like a bloody yo yo and although I know the routine but yes loneliness is a great description annep, I was tempted to start a thread myself but thought I might offend those without a husband at all which I would never do as I do realise just how lucky I am

My DH doesn't do chat but an equal bugbear is that he doesn't listen either. If I didn't speak to him we'd probably stay silent for days on end. Also never tells me anything that's going on eg repairs organised etc. Complained vociferously about this have tried reasoning, quiet discussion and nothing changes. To exasperate me further we were at a concert recently and I returned from the ladies to find him laughing and chatting away to two young men, an outsider would think he was a real socialiser.

We talk about this that and anything from news items to items of interest to things that arise from our two very different hobbies where both have some interest at a bystander level with the others passion.

Then there is DC, DGC, house related material, things to do together. The supply of things to talk about is inexhaustable.

I am a bit the same, RamblingRosie. My interests take me outside the home, so I have plenty of news to share when I get back, but DH is not really interested.
We do have a couple of shared interests which we talk about, but mostly he is silent, apart from grumbles about politicians, adverts, other drivers. Mostly I do agree, but I get fed up of his grumbles, when he can’t find anything more pleasant to talk about.
A huge difference between us is, if there are plans to be made, I like to consider various options, whereas he will settle quickly on something and won’t consider any other possibilities. I make up my mind by talking things through, whereas he thinks silently and decides. Neither is the right or wrong way, but it can lead to friction if it is something we need to agree on.

Sandra F I too have resorted to going out more - mainly volunteering- and I meet people who have common interests. My DH has no friends that he goes out with and he is always in the house. Hence we have little to talk about. He is not interested in hearing about my volunteering and the only conversations we have tend to have are to do with household issues. So I like to think positively and that by volunteering I am gaining new friends and contributing to worthwhile causes.

Yes, Paddyanne I think we need to get out more as everything we talk about seems to be about the guest house. We do get along great though and have a laugh.