I have never thought of this...

My Dad organised everything before he died. He gave away lots of stuff and got various envelopes for paperwork, sorted and labelled it so my brother, sister and I could easily get it done. The only thing I wish he hadn’t done was throw away old photos. I would have loved to have had those - but then I’m a hoarder!

Missed out the I.

I was a bit of a hoarder... I bought a book by Marie Kondo that really helped me. She said to pick up everything and hold it. If it gave you joy keep it....If it didn't get rid of it. I would recommend her book. It was difficult to do though...separating myself mentally from 'stuff'. I had newspapers from royal weddings etc....I burnt the lot....hahaha The feeling of 'release' was amazing.

I believe one of the hardest things we have to deal with in our life, it has been for me, is the responsibility of clearing out the possessions of deceased loved ones.
I am not referring to 'clutter' although what we see as 'clutter' was part of someone's life and who am to judge.

This is very much horses for courses management. While it cannot be right to interfere with any relative's life style there is one very serious point - fire.

The more flammable stuff that is kept the greater the danger. A common sense approach to fire risks can bring about a change.

Dove, you speak of respect and say you don't interfere with your children's lives and they don't interfere with yours but to leave the burden of throwing your hoarded belongings will very much affect your children's lives.

My husband had to deal with all of his parent's belongings on his own and it was a hard physical and emotional task. Not only that, but when these immense tasks are under time pressure and decisions about what to keep and what to let go have to be made quickly some precious things can be lost in the melee.

It is kinder to make a collection now of things which your children will treasure as family objects and mementoes and to begin to offload that which you no longer use.

I read somewhere recently that we "should live to live and not live to die" as we get older. That said, however, I am decluttering a little, as and when the mood takes me (via Ebay, charity shops and the tip) but am keeping what I want to keep for as long as I want to keep it!

I also remember the saying "one man's trash is another man's treasure".

My MiL had to go into a nursing home for her last few years and we had to clear her house within a limited time as it was council property. She was allowed to take a very small amount of her "treasures" with her and we had to then clear her property. My late FiL was a bit of a squirrel...of sentimental things really... and it felt quite sad to have to dispose of things they had loved and cherished. After sorting out the things we kept, and others given to family members, I rang a large local charity shop of which my MiL had regularly supported and asked them if they would like to have the opportunity to have the contents of my MiLs house. A time was arranged for someone to come and look, and they agreed to take everything apart from one bed which they took to the tip for us. All other furniture met with the required fire safety regulations and was in good condition. They even took the washing machine (twin tub) as could raise money from scrap value, and an electric cooker(one ring broken) as they had their own electrician who did repairs and tested to required standards. We helped their cause and they helped us in disposing of a lot of stuff.

I would never have asked any older person, certainly not my mother, to clear up to help me when they died. I have told my children it is fine to give away, throw away, or keep all and any of my things after my death. Also, I heard of a woman wracked with guilt because she had not visited her father one day, and he died in the night. So I've also said to my children that when I die, I will die knowing that we love each other, and they should not worry if we'd not seen each other recently.

When I cleared my FIL's home I had the joy of dealing with his electric earwax remover, complete with wax! Please make sure you dispose of yours before the children get lumbered with that task!

Hoarding used to be called Collyer's syndrome after the Collyer Brothers who lived in a 5 storey house in Harlem which had to be destroyed after they died (killed by the hoard) and was turned into a pocket park. It is a truly awful condition. I sympathise with anyone who has to deal with the aftermath of it and it is very sad for children brought up by hoarders.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers

This subject comes up on Gransnet with understandable regularity. I'm surprised that the OP hasn't had these thoughts before.

When my DH's aunt died, my mother-in-law (her sister-in-law) was left to sort it out, as my father-in-law was pretty incapacitated by then. So my mother-in-law started to clear out, but unfortunately she was killed in an accident before she'd got very far.

I'm lucky that my parents never accumulated clutter. My mother has no more books in the house - her eyesight is no longer even good enough to read library books. There is only a minimum of kitchen equipment - (she doesn't really cook any more) - and clothes (She alternates two blouses and wears them for a week each.) It's very liberating - the house is tidy, clean, light and airy and she likes it there.

My DH has inherited his hoarding habit from his father and has accumulated no end of stuff. I shall be retiring soon and will definitely be whittling my part of the junk well down - I hope he follows my example.

The problem with the Swedish Death Clean is that I do feel that it is a preparation for the shuffling off of the mortal coil, and that thought has prevented me from starting any de-cluttering so far!

My son, in concert with my wife, cleared my attic, the only space that was ‘mine’ in the whole house and where I had always planned to spend time during my retirement. I feel totally violated. My retirement has been completely ruined and frankly I feel that I just want to walk away from them both. All of my stuff that I managed to rescue (about 5%) is now in boxes, really hard to get at as I get less flexible and I know it will all go in a skip as soon as I go, including all the carefully collected and named/dated family history stuff that my grand children will, when they are much older, really value. They might even sell some of the heirlooms.

Please listen to older people. We may be trying but we KNOW what, eventually, represents long lasting value even though younger people, quite rightly at their stage in life, consider to be ephemera, once ephemera is dumped you can NEVER get it back.

When my parents moved into their house 65 years ago my father bought his huge collection of Evening Post magazines, he's hoarded everything ever since (for example I bought them a filter jug because the old one leaked and was frankly decrepitly unhygienic; he refused to throw it away).
I dread it when they die, there's a big five bedroom house, attic, outbuildings all crammed.

Its a labour of love. If not, throw the lot away.

I think it depends how extreme the hoarding is. There is no point in trying to reason with someone with an anxiety disorder. Dealing with the anxiety over rides everything else. I see this with my cousin. He is generally fairly easy going but if anything blocks his quest for something that he has decided that is essential for his 'collection' he can turn quite nasty. He always says that it is something his wife wants but she would quite like to get rid of some of the stuffed toys which fill the house although she does enable it.
Trying to use logic with someone who is not thinking rationally is a waste of time. Unless they are prepared to have intensive therapy and are lucky enough to find the right therapist, you may just have to accept that you will need to get specialist clearers in.
One problem is that they always think that their hoard is worth something.

I have told my daughter to hire a skip as well, lol. What we have around us as we get older more often than not hold happy memories for us, if not that is the time to get rid of things, not to please others, I cleared my parents bungalow after they went & was happy to do so, seeing things they had kept for sentimental reasons, isn’t that what life is all about?

I'm not a great hoarder (my oh is) and yes i will definitely de-clutter the only thing I want them to keep is photos of family that cannot be replaced, anything of sentimental value they can have if not have a garage sale and spend the money on a family meal

My Mum is a hoarder, even my Dad used to tell her off, and my siblings and I will need a month of Sunday’s to sort it all out when the time comes. I tactfully threw into a relevant conversation that I am going minamilist so that my 3 don’t have mountains to plough thro, so she asked if I would help her clear some rooms out. It was so painful, I gave up, as it was just distressing her ! Even stuff she has not used for years, clothes she will never get into again .... she just can’t bear to part with it all. I found 32 empty perfume bottles, 22 faded old dusty gift boxes she intended to re-use, a bin liner bag full of old vacuum cleaner attachments etc She even has a bag full of the cellophane wrappers that greetings cards come in ?? Money is no problem to her, it’s just that make do and mend generation, and don’t throw anything away in case it comes in handy !! We just accept that one day we will need an awful lot of skips .....

When my parents got into their 70s my mother divided everything she wanted to pass on and put my things into one cabinet and one half of the loft and my sister's things went into another cabinet and the other half of the loft. This is how it remained until after their deaths.

I have already gone through my 'trinkets' and anything of value with my girls and the rest is going to charity or online. The remaining clutter is going to the tip. I must admit, I wouldn't be doing it now if I wasn't moving house but it has to be done sometime, it might as well be now.?

I was with my 95 year old Aunt the other day, and I think a visitor had said that her house was a bit cluttered, with that in mind she said "I think I should declutter" my reply was why, as all the items had memories to her, who'd given them ,where she'd bought them, etc. I'm one of her executors so as long as she puts in her will if she wants anything to be given to a person I can deal with the rest. I won't be so personally attached to them.

My mum is 92 and she has asked me to help get rid of stuff as she doesn’t want it to be a big job when she dies. I was there a couple of weeks ago, took stuff to the tip, eight bags to the charity shop, and general de clutter. We also took out every draw and she went through a couple every day. We turned out every cupboard and had a good clear and clean out. She said she felt so much better for doing this, I was there for about 2 weeks and we were both tired by the end of it but pleased we had done it.

I have finally convinced my DH that we need to clear out his domain, the garage, as I can no longer gain access to my gardening tools in there due to "stuff". He is a hoarder and has six bikes in there - all essential he assures me but there is also a huge amount of stuff that he thinks he may have a use for some time.

Once Easter is over we shall make a start at one end and work backwards to gain some sort of order and easy access. At least that is my plan. I shall have to be ruthless and may even resort to bribery.

Trouble is about the time you think you really ought to start clearing out, which we are doing slowly, is also about the time when energy levels and physical strength are not quite what they were, still we plough on. As we have occasionally asked if the AC can make any use of a particular item and the offer has been declined I think we can be pretty sure what will happen once we are gone.