An upset grandson

Sounds as if you already really deserved this holiday ... even more so after reading some of these posts, probably!

It's really a pity that you're having to go through so much but (famous last words) try not to worry. The postcards-and-map ideas sound excellent and who knows ... this might actually help your grandson in the long run.

You sound like a marvelous Gran and your family's very lucky to have you! Don't let the muggles get you down and enjoy your holiday.

You've set yourself up as his base his stability. A mere holiday doesn't justify this upset. Postpone til he's 13/14. He will be less dependent on you and more able to cope.Holidays.... waste of money and time!

Yeah to me it sounds like there isn't one single adult in this family who is prepared to put this child's needs first. As for this talk of Skype - at 9 that requires some adult to take the time to organise it. The OP didn't make it sound as if the parents would get round to it!

I understand the need to visit sick relatives - can the child not go with them? They can take some school books for him to keep up with his education.

Ideally the adults should have sorted this worrying emotional dependency on the grandparents well in advance of any necessary separation. You can't have it both ways.

I really don't think any of the suggestions about keeping in touch/Skyping/postcards etc will completely solve your GSs problem. His problems are probably more linked to what has happened in his past than just your trip. You say you looked after him since he was 10 months old, possibly when his mother went back to work? Anyway his first experience of separation, his parents are divorced, lots of children blame themselves for parents splitting up, no matter how young they are when it happens. His parents have both remarried, another instance of feeling a bit left out. He has suffered a lot of emotional damage in his short life and your trip may be just a trigger bringing out all his uncertainties and feelings of loss. He needs everyone in his life to talk to him about what has happened to assure him that he wasn't responsible for the divorce, that both his parents still love and care for him, that he has a special place in both their families and that you will always care for him. Even then it may take a long time to help him through this.

Still can't quite understand why danae doesn't contribute more to this discussion, even if only to comment on all the positive ideas that people have put forward. I wonder if she will act on any of them or has she decided on another solution?

Danae - It's such a difficult one being pulled in different directions by grandson and committment to visit elderly relatives. I'm sure the practicalities of the school run have been sorted out.
Can't understand the suggestions of taking him with you - that amount of time away during term-time wouldn't be allowed anyway.
Wondered if you play word-games like Wordchums at all? have recently started playing this with my nearly 9yo GS and it's a great way of keeping in touch if he has access to an ipad or phone. He sometimes wins too! You can send short messages to each other, and it would help him learn about time-difference from one side of the world to the other. Worth cosidering. Have a great trip, and enjoy planning the trip for 2019 with GS.

nigglenellie - I can under stand why Danae is not responding - she is probably sorry she ever opened up her heart on this site. There have been a lot of conflicting views but most of them will be most upsetting for her. We are in a very similar position to her and I would be doing the same regarding the holiday. After all it is to see elderly relatives who may not be there when the next trip is planned. Of course her grandson is upset about everything and although some children are very confident at 9 don't forget this boy has been through his parents divorce and although they have created new lives and family he will still feel a bit of an outsider when at home. Of course it's not helped by Danae being his main carer since an earlier age but that can't be re-written and she has given him a life that kids his age should have. I doubt his parents would have done that for him. All she can do is keep re-assuring him that they are having a holiday and his life will get back to normal when they return. Danae - do try and fit in as many sleep-overs as you can before you go and involve him when setting up Skype and get him clued up about Australia and what you will be doing and he will get interested. Do you get a chance to speak to his teacher at school as it would be good if they were aware of the situation?

I agree, I'm not at all surprised the OP hasn't returned. Jacq10 - good to see a sympathetic comment. You add that "he will still feel a bit of an outsider when at home". I know you mean at either of his parents homes, but the reality is, his home is with his grandparents. I do not criticise the OP for going away, she has good reasons to do so. She's dedicated the later stages of her life to her grandson for 9 years. So many grandparents step forward, as she did, to care for grandchildren. They should be appreciated rather than criticised for having to balance so many family needs other than their own.

Hear, hear!

I am not at all surprised that Danae hasn't returned- she came on to get some constructive help and was sent on a guilt trip. Terribly unfair when she and her husband are fantastic grandparents.
Some replies are not in the least realistic - 'take the child with you and some school books'!! They would be taken to court these days for truancy - parents get fined for a one week holiday!
This child also has parents and siblings- things may not be ideal but every child is looking to their parent for love - and he equally wouldn't be happy taken away from the rest of the family.
Danae's job is to be the grown up in all this and handle the whole situation in a matter of fact, emotionally mature way- in order to give him the security needed for people he loves to go away for a holiday- knowing that they are thinking of him, keeping in touch and will be back.
Meanwhile his parents may have to actually take responsibility if they are in charge- it may do them all good. At least it gives Danae chance to tell them what they ought to do while she is away.
I agree with Iam64 and Danae deserves a 'best grandma* prize - not a guilt trip and to be told that she can't possibly have a holiday without the child for the foreseeable future and that the elderly relatives don't matter one jot!

As well as negative comments, which you must expect on an open thread, (it goes with the territory!) there have been many positive suggestions which I would have thought danae would have responded to, including the last few posts.
It would be interesting to know what her feelings are to the many excellent suggestions made on here!

I still say there must be more going on at home than anyone wants to see if he's responding that drastically

Could be!!

Danae, stop worrying so much! He has both his parents, although not very caring ones by the sound of it. Never the less, he is not being totally abandoned, is he? It might do him and his parents good to have to be more involved with each other. It's only a month and you totally deserve the break. Enjoy your time away!

I hope the OP does not feel criticised - on a forum there are bound to be all shades of opinion represented.

It is very clear that this little lad does see his GPs as his rock in a changing world. In no way does that mean that the GPs should not have a holiday - but it does mean that deciding to do so is problematical; some would have made the same decision as the OP, some would have made a different one.

And there have been lots of constructive ideas on here as to how his distress might be reduced.

What a difficult situation to be in - but what a valued stable base these GPs have been.

I still think they should take him with them - what a brilliant piece of life experience for him. To hell with school.

I agree with bambam: stop worrying so much. Bed-wetting and clinginess are not necessarily that big a deal.

^ Bed-wetting and clinginess are not necessarily that big a deal.^

It is to the child otherwise it wouldn't be happening.

It does need to be remembered that this is a child with two parents, two step parents and siblings. They are his main life - he does not live with OP. Grandparents offer extra stability- importantly so in this case- it is up to the parents to now manage the situation. I think they must be aware of it and are likely to be thoughtless and over stretched, but I feel sure that they must love him and have his best interests at heart.

Actually Leticia, the OP appeared to be saying that the child regarded her as his main carer. That may not be the fact in law but can the child suddenly adjust his world view to fit the law? I really think any grandparent who wants to be free to go on a holiday without the grandchildren (perfectly reasonable) has a responsibility, along with the parents, to make sure the grandchildren are not emotionally dependent on her constant presence.

I don't agree, merlot. Having dealt with a bed-wetting over quite a few years, I know for a fact that it wasn't a big deal for the child. Besides which, bed-wetting isn't always caused by psychological problems.

Anyway, whatever the cause, there is readily available treatment for bed-wetting.

a bed-wetting child

Baggs, the bed wetting was mentioned because it is new for this 9 year old. We're not talking about a child who has always had trouble staying dry. De-novo bedwetting at that age is almost always a red flag.

I think if complete strangers were having an in depth conversation about my grandson and bed wetting I would be replying to their comments!! I find it very strange that she doesn't!!

Well, due to some of the more doom and gloom comments (of which mine fell into) she could be currently consumed by a family crisis! ... Or she might have decided it was a bad idea to post and be already away on her holiday

I should imagine life is quite busy for Danae, bringing up a child. Possibly she feels disinclined to answer, and I can't say I blame her.