An upset grandson

I would not necessarily put the bed wetting down to you going away. Has he been checked out by a doctor, via a urine test, to see if there is an infection there? Easily picked up at school etc. My GS started to wet the bed at about the same age and it turned out to be Type 1 diabetes. Sorry to sound the alarm on this but it needs to be checked out by a medic.

Some things I've tried are hide things around the child's home so you can direct him to them when you write. Leave your favorite blanket with him for "safe keeping" so he has something to curl up with at night and think of you. Put some of you perfume on the blanket-to bring you closer. Plan something fun for when you return so you can talk about it when you Skype. Like decorating for Christmas-tell him to look for favorites as he walks by the shops and tell him what you are finding on your travels. Do you collect anything together? Small metal birds? Those walking toys that are very inexpensive? Leave him a really good book-hidden of course-and take a copy with you. Read together when you Skype. Have a secret saying and then learn to say it backwards together. Name your car-mine is the happy car-he will talk about it forever. Get him to name it. Buy him an inexpensive tackle box-the kind people take fishing that has tons of little compartments-fill them with office supplies like rubber bands, paper clips, marbles, and little things from your home he likes. Also, write him a little book with good sayings that remind you of him-I love doing your homework and think every afternoon of us together again doing homework. When I brush my teeth in the morning I think of us looking out in the morning watching birds-I love the blue ones. You get the idea. You are leaving part of yourself with him so he knows you are coming back. Sorry this is so long. It will be hard but you both will get through it and be so glad to see each other again!

I thought all sorts of things were connected which turned out not to be.

Just saying.

I don't expect anything but I do wonder. The scenario given sounds fairly complicated and may be the cause of the child's stress and the bed-wetting. But there may be other causes too. That's all I'm saying.

That's why I carefully used the phrase "not necessarily".

But you can't expect every bed wetting child is the same as your experience Baggs Every child is different, yours didn't mind, most would, yours wasn't caused by a particular reason but you can't judge this on your own experience alone .....it's a huge coincidence for the bedwetting and clinginess to begin at the same time as the child is given the news of the holiday and Danae obviously thinks it's connected or else she wouldn't have mentioned it

Oh, and the bed-wetting wasn't a big deal for the child. Other things were.

There were no assumptions about causes by the medical professionals involved.

I mean the experience of dealing with a child who had been dry at night for years and then wasn't for years.

bedwetting and clinginess in a 9 Year old who has previously been dry is definirely showing a very unhappy and stressed out child It would be very different if the child has never been dry at night

Unhappy and stressed out, perhaps. But not necessarily for the reasons assumed. Seriously, I speak from experience.

I totally disagree Baggs bedwetting and clinginess in a 9 Year old who has previously been dry is definirely showing a very unhappy and stressed out child It would be very different if the child has never been dry at night

It is fine to say the parents need to step up but they obviously haven't in the last 8 years so why would they now They obviously see their (not so wanted child) as passed over to Danae and not their problem BUT without Danae telling us more about his life when he is with his parents it's hard to know Is he treated badly by the step parents? is he abused? is he bullied ? is he left out and lonely? or is he just spoilt by nanny and granddad? Is there anyone to keep an eye on him while they are away? How are the parents going to physically manage if they can't now ?
If Danae and her husband are his primary carers then I think if it was me I would have had the holiday in his school holiday and taken him with me If however he is well looked after but just not as comfortable as when he's with Danae then he will have to learn to accept it
I m wondering how much Danae will enjoy this holiday worrying about him left behind

She does not say that the child regarded her as main carer IngeJones - just that he sees her as main stability.
A wake up call for the parents that they need to provide more stability.
The holiday will be a time to change the stability to the place that it ought to come from.

Maybe danae feels she has read a representative range of GN opinions on her situation and that will do her.

And doesn't feel inclined to respond to further niggly comments, nellie.

I should imagine life is quite busy for Danae, bringing up a child. Possibly she feels disinclined to answer, and I can't say I blame her.

Well, due to some of the more doom and gloom comments (of which mine fell into) she could be currently consumed by a family crisis! ... Or she might have decided it was a bad idea to post and be already away on her holiday

I think if complete strangers were having an in depth conversation about my grandson and bed wetting I would be replying to their comments!! I find it very strange that she doesn't!!

Baggs, the bed wetting was mentioned because it is new for this 9 year old. We're not talking about a child who has always had trouble staying dry. De-novo bedwetting at that age is almost always a red flag.

a bed-wetting child

I don't agree, merlot. Having dealt with a bed-wetting over quite a few years, I know for a fact that it wasn't a big deal for the child. Besides which, bed-wetting isn't always caused by psychological problems.

Anyway, whatever the cause, there is readily available treatment for bed-wetting.

Actually Leticia, the OP appeared to be saying that the child regarded her as his main carer. That may not be the fact in law but can the child suddenly adjust his world view to fit the law? I really think any grandparent who wants to be free to go on a holiday without the grandchildren (perfectly reasonable) has a responsibility, along with the parents, to make sure the grandchildren are not emotionally dependent on her constant presence.

It does need to be remembered that this is a child with two parents, two step parents and siblings. They are his main life - he does not live with OP. Grandparents offer extra stability- importantly so in this case- it is up to the parents to now manage the situation. I think they must be aware of it and are likely to be thoughtless and over stretched, but I feel sure that they must love him and have his best interests at heart.

^ Bed-wetting and clinginess are not necessarily that big a deal.^

It is to the child otherwise it wouldn't be happening.

I agree with bambam: stop worrying so much. Bed-wetting and clinginess are not necessarily that big a deal.

I hope the OP does not feel criticised - on a forum there are bound to be all shades of opinion represented.

It is very clear that this little lad does see his GPs as his rock in a changing world. In no way does that mean that the GPs should not have a holiday - but it does mean that deciding to do so is problematical; some would have made the same decision as the OP, some would have made a different one.

And there have been lots of constructive ideas on here as to how his distress might be reduced.

What a difficult situation to be in - but what a valued stable base these GPs have been.

I still think they should take him with them - what a brilliant piece of life experience for him. To hell with school.

Danae, stop worrying so much! He has both his parents, although not very caring ones by the sound of it. Never the less, he is not being totally abandoned, is he? It might do him and his parents good to have to be more involved with each other. It's only a month and you totally deserve the break. Enjoy your time away!

Could be!!