An upset grandson

I feel very sorry for the poor little boy. It's clear the bed wetting and clingyness have been triggered by his distress. However DO understand that Gran and granddad deserve some good quality breaks while they can still enjoy them. What to,do? Skype as often as you can. Give him a special (perhaps small) gift just from you that he can keep with him while you are away and maybe keep in his pocket at school or a mascot of some sort. Talk a lot about when you get back to him and what you'll do. Tell him that while you are somewhere else, you will always be with him 'in his head/mind' and that he will be in yours. Send lots of postcards. He's likely to be upset when you go, but for goodness sake, haven't the parents got ANY sense of responsibility? He has a number of half-siblings in his family - he should be seen as the special one, not an afterthought - and he should be told he's special.

I agree with Merlotgran. It does depend on how long a break it is but maybe it just isn't something that can be managed. Could you not go for shorter breaks until he is a bit older and could maybe stay with a friend?
It is not much help to him for people to just complain that the parents should be doing more. Of course they should but they aren't and he can't help that.
Life isn't always fair and it is not fair that the grandparents have to be the parents, particularly when the parents are still around but his lifeline is being removed and that isn't fair either.
I realise that that is not the question that the OP has asked but the question that they have asked does not have an answer as there is no way that this can be made bearable for the child.

Breaks for the grandparents are totally justified, it's the long term holiday bit that's obviously worrying the child and if the OP doesn't come back we ll never know if it's a ten day break or a 6 month break We also don't know who the lad lives with or what sort of arrangements have been made for his care while the grandparents are away
The original post states the bedwetting etc is due to his worry about the holiday so why say it maybe something else

Do be cautious with the joys of Skype when my grandaughter was about that age and stayed with me for ten days her mum and dad used to Skype each evening and it's the only time she would ever cry she would be fine all day having a great time as soon as she saw them she would break down and sob which did them no good or her

Danae How long is extended ? The poor chap is clearly insecure hence the bedwetting and even a week would seem an eternity to your GS.
I am sure as he matures he will be able accept that he can't be with you 24/7
Possibly ott and no way, but any chance of taking him with you?

Not enough information to make any sense of it. How long will you be away, and where are you travelling to?

What a difficult situation for you and your grandson.
I will disagree with some who say put off your trip though.
You are entitled to a trip away, extended or not. As you haven't said why you're going it may be a necessity (family etc) mixed in with a break.
Did your grandson live with you? Or did you spend alot of time because his parents worked long hours and separated?
Can you have a family meeting with the other adults in his life and work out how he can be supported whilst you're away? It would seem everybody will have to pull together for this little lad who may be feeling lost right now. He will have just started back at school too & there may be some anxiety around that too.
The map idea is wonderful and you could help him search the internet to research your destinations so he can see where you'll be at which times. A scrap book with a time line may help him. Emails with pictures, Skype or WhatsApp calls , any communication to reassure him you're ok & are coming back.
I took one of my dgd teddies away with me and photographed him out and about with me! Can you give him something of yours to look after while your away too? We swapped teddies ? I hope you find a solution that suits everyone ?

Wow..such criticism towards the OP. Some harsh comments when we don't know all the facts. Maybe there is a reason that an extended holiday at this time is planned...there could be serious illness to one of them or another child of theirs that may prevent them postponing to 'some time in the future'.
And who can predict when the child is going to feel okay to cope with a separation from his grandparents..age 10..12..15?
Children are often separated due to parent's jobs, being sent on deployment/working away etc.
In my own case I was sent away to boarding school in another country and saw my parents 3 school holidays per year! Did I want to go? An emphatic NO! Did I suffer at the time emotionally ..Yes. But eventually I learnt to cope and that in turn taught me some good life skills.
Just maybe this young boy will even benefit from spending time with his true parents when he realises that he cannot run to his grandparents.
It could even, in time, prove to be the best thing to heal the parent/child relationship.

Perhaps your grandson is not happy with step parents and needs you there for someone to run to. My own grandson was like that . I got a phone call from a distressed 14 year old saying that he felt he was going to attack his stepdad if he did not stop his controlling and bullying behaviour.. Some children have a lot to contend with . It's good that you have been there for him. Perhaps a two week break?

Take him with you!? - an educational trip for him.

Hmm rather an extreme reaction from a 9yr old. Makes me wonder whether something very serious indeed is going on for him at home that you haven't suspected. My radar would be bleeping loudly by now.

I think you are the ones who spell security in his little world ...not just grandparents but almost a dual role as surrogate mum and dad. At nine he is still very young to understand exactly what this extended holiday means in real terms. He just sees it as you not being there and is very distressed ..hence the bed wetting. As you have not said how long extended is, it is difficult to make a suitable suggestion. This little lad needs lots of reassurance as young children don,t understand the perception of time as adults do. I would suggest a calendar so he can tick off ....how many sleeps until you arrive back again. I used to do this between visits to my grandchildren when they were young as I did not live near them and they would count the days off on a calendar until my next visit to them.

I did a book for my Grandchildren when I did a world cruise, a page for every day. Some times a message some times some information about where we were that day (and the time in that country) giving them an exorcise to find out where we were on the map or what was the flag of the country we were in, national food etc. I put family pictures in the odd page and asked them to write a story about that particular event. It was hard work before I went away but when I came home all the pages were filled in! Well worth doing. Enjoy your break and be prepared to burst into tears some times when you think of him! For to be sure you will! ?

Maybe the OP is already on the plane

#scarpered

How dare the OP want to have a life!!

Seriously!? The OP is feeling bad enough as it is without you lot piling on the guilt even more. Where's the parents - it's THEIR kid so THEY should be looking after him. Unless they would place the boy at risk then they should sort it out between them and look after him.

He's 9 not 4 so perfectly capable of understanding the concept of time (unless he has a learning difficulty) so will understand that the OP will be coming back.

OP - go and enjoy your trip and don't let ANYONE on here make you feel bad for wanting to spend time away - you raised your child(ten), not it's their turn to raise THEIRS!

Ahh, this mobile at times!

danae - you have your own lives to lead and surely the parents of this boy should be dealing with this ? You absolutely must go on holiday, I would have thought for your own sanity.

You could always communicate with him whilst away if you want to.

I wonder why danae isn't responding to all these posts?!

Alidol your point about him being 9 not 4 is really the reason I am worried. Yes he can understand the concept of time, and if he thinks the 4 weeks, 6 weeks or 3 months his grandmother is going away is long enough for horrible things to happen in his life without his grandparents there to keep an eye on him, that could explain his frantic attempts to convey how worried he is. Personally I wouldn't want to go until I have had a real good look at what his problem exactly is - talking to him privately if need be. It could be he's just a spoilt brat, but I'd want to rule out serious problems first.

A couple of years ago I was asked to go to work in Australia for 6 months, and initially I thought it was a wonderful opportunity and was so excited. Then I thought of the actual practicalities of saying that farewell to my 5 grandchildren and I knew instantly that I just could not do it. So I missed out on that opportunity but I knew I it would have been torture for me being away from them. There is no easy solution here, but if your holiday is already booked etc daily emails and photos I found helped a lot when I went to the USA for 3 weeks recently. Then of course your Skype calls as often as poss to ease his distress.

Nigglynellie, maybe the OP is feeling too upset to come back and comment on some of the posts. I can't say I blame her after all the negativity and criticism thrown around by people who are not fully aware of all the facts.

Well said Alidoll...if the child isn't at risk from his parents (and if he is then social services should be involved) then the GRANDparents have every right to go on holiday and leave the parenting to the PARENTS!

Surly the OP knows her grandson's situation and would not contemplate leaving him even for a week if there was any real danger to the child that she so obviously loves.

my GD has been with us for around 7 years ,her Dad moved back with us when he and her mother split up.Its only half of every week but THIS is her home,When dad and his new partner decded to move in together early this year we decided between us to keep GD here with us until she decided she wanted to live with them.She's currently spending one or two nights at dads and is happy to do that but still wants to come HOME to us.If the OP has assumed responsibility for this boy then she must do her best to make sure he'll be safe and happy when she's not around.An extended break would be devastating for my GD who has two parents and an almost step parent who love her dearly ,but who sees her room here as her home.Its very difficult but the child should come first in this ,or the OP would be a s bad as the parents who appear to have abdicated and dont count him as their own family.I cant stand this attitude where parents split and move on with others and think the child they have together is an inconvenience..what a horrible situation for any child

I find it hard to receive so much criticism. We are going to Australia for just under a month. Our grandson spends his time between each parents houses, we collect him every day from school, do his homework, deal with things like dentists, doctors and barbers. Also his afterschool clubs. He returns to one of his parents to sleep unless he fancies a sleep over. Neither of his parents put him first, even my son. Believe me it's something i often talk to him about. We have arranged to skype him, we will also write him out an itinerary. He is an emotional child and needs support. We have always taken him on holiday with us. We will take him to Australia in July 2019. We have family in Australia who are quite elderly and my husband feels we must go.

Surely the OP would realise that his sort of query is bound to throw up some negative comments? There is some very good, useful and thoughtful advice as well as negativity, which I would have presumed she would have responded to if only to thank people for their time and trouble?!

Danae,
Go away to Australia with your husband and ENJOY your holiday. Please, do not feel guilty for leaving your grandson as you are doing nothing wrong.

I hope you have a wonderful time and wish you and your husband 'Bon Voyage' I look forward to reading what a lovely break away spending time alone with your husband and your Aussie family.
xx

Danae - you have done so much for your young grandson and are a vital part of his life - he relies on you for support and stability. A month is a long time when you are 9 years old but I agree with your DH that you should go and visit elderly relations. Can you arrange play visits with his friends while you are away - and have strong words with his parents that they need to step up their parenting of him!! Keeping in touch with him is vital - give him your phone number and a calendar to mark off the days showing where you are. Arrange something special for him when you get back - give him something to look forward to.
Above all - enjoy your very well earned holiday.