single mums

I was a single parent for several years after my first husband left and claimed benefits to top up my income, but didn't whinge or complain about money being tight.

While I have sympathy with anyone having to get through hard times, it seems most people know of someone adept at 'working the system' so it can't be that rare. I'm also not sure why the woman in the OP went to the local paper about her problem with the council.

We all have to be able to think 'there but for the the grace etc'.
and that we might find ourselves in situations we had not planned for or even thought of.
for you Annie & others who have had unexpectedly tough times to manage.

When my husband was killed in a car crash it took time for things to be sorted out, I had to depend on benefits , it was horrible

i have worked with very many children from single parent homes and from two-parent homes. To be honest you see a range of 'types'in both situations. It is about attitude to life and is not always about being a single mum. Some people are takers and users, some hard working and have a sense of personal pride..this cuts across all social groups.

If, in the OP , the council contractors have caused additional difficulties for this family, who may be struggling to make ends meet, then this situation could have caused great hardship. It may be that this woman is a 'taker' but she is no more representative of all 'single mums' than I am to all 'married women'

I do have sympathy for single mothers and do not have a downer on them, i was infuriated by the young woman in my original post as she was complaining about being "forced" to ask for help when she had never asked for anything in her life and was made to feel she didnt provide for her children, when really she should stop and take stock of just what she has been given.

Well said Daphne and Iam, we all know there are benefit cheats but they are the minority,

DaphneBroom puts it well, if granny piper's nephew's girlfriend is indeed getting the benefits she claims, she's exploiting the system. Or, the other possibility is tat she is extremely vulnerable, i.e. a care leaver or a young woman with mental health problems linked to addictions or learning difficulties.
It's good to see so many comments here about the need to avoid being overly judgemental unless we know the whole story. My working life did bring me into a small number of people who were skilled at exploiting various benefit systems but they were a very small proportion of the folks who needed in fact, much much more than any benefit system could provide for them.

I think all you can say with any certainty, grannypiper is that according to what she "boasts" about, your nephew's girlfriend appears to be exploiting the benefits system.
However you cannot extrapolate from that observation that "single mums are sponging off the state"or that they are "incredulous"(incredible??) or necessarily have any more sense of entitlement than anybody else.
It is too easy to be judgemental of others.

I don't think the young woman should have been expecting her 10 year old son to act as the 'man of the house' and be a dad to the new baby - how irresponsible and selfish is that?

NanKate, do you not realise when you say a child needs both parents to care for it you can easily make a single parent feel their child /children had an inferior upbringing to children who did have both parents . I didn't choose to be widowed young

You don't know what had happened to her in between though Nankate .

I too have been a single parent twice. The first time at 18 when my babies father ran off with another girl and the second time when my H died. So please don't judge. Sometimes there is a genuine reason.

I am one of the old brigade who feel that a child needs both a mum and dad to care for it. I do realise this is not always possible.

About 20 years ago I was teaching a Women's Returner course at an Adult Ed College. One of the students who I got on on with well had a 3 or 4 year old son and was a single parent mum. I helped her get some part time work at the college whilst her child was in Nursery. She said once he was a school she wanted to return to work and she felt so much more positive about life since doing the course.

I often saw her over the next few years and then I saw that she was pregnant again with no partner in sight. She said to me that her 10 year old son now would take the place of a dad for the new baby . I wanted to weep, she was on the brink of a new life and she had thrown it all away IMO.

A maternity grant is not simply a handout. It is £500 and only available to applicants on income-related benefits or to certain people receiving Child Tax Credit (at a rate higher than the family element) or Working Tax Credit (where a disability or severe disability element is included in the award). It's all a bit complicated and isn't a present from the taxpayer.
www.turn2us.org.uk/Benefit-guides/Sure-Start-Maternity-Grant/Who-can-get-a-Sure-Start-Maternity-Grant#guide-content

grannypiper, no one is given a car, they receive mobility allowance and if the highest level they can choose to buy a car with their monthly benefit , the child is assessed not the mother .

I can understand that Gilly, but you gave your son so much more, to have such a tiny mite and to be left to cope alone ,you didn't give him up , you struggled with little money and the lonliness , he doesn't remember his pram

That is exactly how I got everything for my son Anniebach a local charity ran a children's centre and everything he had ( except his clothes) came from there and that was in 1980!
Years later when I remarried and had my DD my mum and dad bought me/her a new pram. I have always felt guilty that my sons baby things were old and used and my DD's were nice and new .

I help run a drop in centre where those who need a pram, buggy, fridge , bedding, furniture can find help, we accept gladly anything for the home and thankfully people give their unwanted goods so we can pass them on

£500?? I remember when it was £20!

I was under the impression that the Maternity Grant of £500 wass only paid for the first child, unless you have a multiple birth after that.

nelliemoser i to was a single mum so was my DD,

Nelliemoser,i think you would be shocked at what single mums get, my nephews girlfriend is happy to boast about everything she gets, first baby at 16, grant for said pram, cot and highchair, same grant for baby 2 and 3 (none are my nephews) first flat was a "emergancy" housing council flat, she was given a grant to decorate and furnish the flat, she lived there 3 weeks, was given a permanent flat and guess what? yet another grant to decorate and new white goods.2years later she is in a brand new 3 bed house with a grant to decorate. 18 years old and living a life of luxuary, paid to as her sons carer as he has ADHD and given a brand new car to drive round in, she laughs and calls tax payers MUGS and arent we just

grannypiper
How about you trying to find out exactly how much financial help as a young mother you would get. You do not, "always get "given a council house," you have to rent a house. Often in the private sector which might not be in particularly good condition.
You might be suprised to learn what really happens to those in financial hardship.

Please tell me how you can get a grant for a pram. I would be interested to know.

Most people in this situation use "reclyled furniture shops" and pay for second hand. British Heart Foundation have a large store in my local town.

And loans have to be paid back , sorry but you do not know how or why these girls you condemn are single mothers and I realy was offended by your comment - biting the hand that feeds them

Gilly, you didn't get yourself pregnant , you were a victim .

Anniebach, yes councils give crisis loans, the also give grants to pay for school uniform and here in scotland at least they give hardship cases as they call single mums, addicts and others in need brand new white goods for their flats, not every pregnant woman in the country gets a maternity grant to buy a pram, cot and highchair (for every child you have, not just the first) if you work you dont get this. Lone parents have a hard job, i know as i was one, but intentional single mums cant complain.