Pangs of sadness through getting old

Low level depression is how I would describe it too It's not so bad as to need a doctor's appointment (that really would seem to be wasting time (both theirs and mine)). For me, Gracesgran has hit the nail of the head. It really is a question of choice and finding the energy (or not) to do something about it is the daily struggle. I find my head tells me one thing and my baser self tells me another! Roll on 6pm and a little light relief!!

I recently found a diary I had written when I was 26 and had two children ages 3 and 18 months. My husband was 28 at the time (recently passed away.)

The diary was full of happiness and optimism. I was always racing somewhere, multi tasking and washing my hair (forgotten how greasy it was back then.)

It made me cry that evening for the loss of youth.

I do enjoy the company of people my own age. We have all been through tough times, bereavement, ill health everything that life could throw at us, but we're still standing.

I find the company of my adult children very enjoyable but tiring in a way.

I was a very young granny nearly 20 years ago. Another 3 came, the latest onlu 21 months ago. I really feel the difference in my energy between the first and the last, but that is natural and doesn't reduce the pleasure. My teenage granddaughter regularly visits and tells me even now that I am her best friend. I think it is important to mix with people of all ages, but it is the young ones that keep you active and up to date with music and technology.

falcon at least you can look back to happy times, not everyone can

There is a name for low level depression dysthymia and it is worth a visit to the doc. It can spoil your life otherwise.

Just to add its not all doom and gloom getting older, as I get older I have noticed people being more respectful in terms of opening doors, and offering seats etc and I must say it feels nice.

Our wisdom is priceless and we have lots to offer in terms of time

Sorry if I think this is all nonsense. We are born, we grow up, we age and we can do nothing about it. It is a privilege to get old and we must just get on with it. We have no alternative and the lucky ones just accept the situation, we are powerless to change it.

Well said ann (((hugs)))

Well, that's us all told then! We should all just snap out of it and count our blessings...

Just trying to be realistic Ana no good trying to change things.

Of course we can't change things, but I don't think it's fair to dismiss the various concerns and fears people have voiced on this thread as 'nonsense'.

For some, getting older presents all sorts of problems never anticipated. It's not a case of wishing we were young again, it's getting to grips with a different stage of life and some find it harder than others.

Mea culpa Ana
I am being unkind. Perhaps I cope better than others. I do have problems but don't mind getting old.

Well said,ann. One of the things I miss is the raucous parties I had.

You can be raucous at any age, petra.

Trouble with being older is that you tire more easily. And any depressive feelings you may have do, of course, thrive on tiredness.

But yes, one foot in front of the other. In your own time of course.

I'm feeling sad today. I've been on my own all week as the S.O. is away although there has been someone at my house as I've had some work done [which actually stopped me going out and a lot of things I'd planned to do]. Neither of my kids phoned me or invited me round. Perhaps they assumed I would invite myself round if I needed company, but I'd assume they know me well enough by now to know that I wouldn't do that. I haven't held my new grandchild since she was 3 days old and haven't seen her for two weeks [perhaps longer]. I've hardly seen her anyway over the past two months. I've realised my kids don't seem to want my company any more and, having just phoned my son it turns out he's spending the weekend at his partners fathers house. I, too have a diary from when the children were young and I sometimes wonder if I should just burn it? My ex is at a biking convention with his new girlfriend [I look after his cats when he's away]. I think my life is in need of a re jigg of some kind.

Tegan

I know it is silly but when I want to appear younger I stand up straighter and walk faster. I have this mad thought that people won't realise I am almost 69.

I have a friend who was recently 85. She goes to Keep Fit twice a week, is a member of countless clubs, helps look after her many grandchildren and is at present holidaying in Spain. She is such an inspiration and also makes me feel a bit dowdy.

I also regularly work out how many years I have left. . I didn't do this at 60 clearly another 9 years has made all the difference.

Over and out.

Oh Tegan.

NanKate; I always save some of my bath water to flush the toilet [this happened when I got a water meter and was paranoid about wasting water]. I transfer the water into a plastic container using a jug. The number of jugs = the number of years I've got left. Which means that, towards the end I'm scooping up miniscule amounts of water to make the sum total greater [a sort of geriatric version of stepping on the paving stones]. And I wonder why my kids have started to avoid me [#battyoldwoman].

Obviously we will all feel different at different times of our lives and the good thing is that no one seems to be alone in how they feel when you read the different posts.

annsixty you do not seem to be unkind or I don't think you would have commented on it but it is very difficult to empathise with something you have not experienced. You say that perhaps you cope better than others. If you do you are very lucky. We don't choose the DNA that makes us the person unable to cope at a particular time or with a particular event nor does our neighbour preselect their DNA before birth that enables them to sale through the same scenario. Perhaps we should all be aware that the thing that causes something like low level depression for one person is just as much a surprise to them as the thing, which hopefully you will never encounter, which might cause it in you.

The great thing is we are able to talk about these things on here. We are all lucky that we have reached whatever age and stage being computer literate. That's a positive thought for today .

Tegan

Gracesgran thank you for your comments and I do need to say without being self righteous or anything like that I really do know what I post about. I am 77 and look after a DH with Alzheimer's. I find it very challenging but I accept it and I cope and don't feel any different to tens of thousands of others coping with this. If is my DNA that enables me to cope with this I just thank my lucky stars.

My mother is 92 and on no medication. She has a very positive outlook and she is always planning what she is going to do/buy many months ahead. I admire her but I don't want to live that long if most of my peers are long gone.

My mother does her own shopping and gardening but not everyone respects old age. A young woman engaged my mother in conversation in Morissons two weeks ago. Whilst my mother thought she was helping the woman who said she was German and couldn't understand the instructions on a frozen meat pie, an accomplice stole my mother's purse. After the initial upset my mother has shrugged off the incident and just decided to be more careful in future. Positivity!

I'm not looking forward to getting even older but I think a lot depends on how healthy you are. My fear is that I will need help in the future. Some of my friends are not enjoying their retirement because they are having to be the constant carers of older relatives. I would like to think I could stay independent like my mother. Old age would be OK if friends are also surviving and we are not causing problems for the next generation.

I do agree with your post Gracesgran - there are things that have happened to me over the last few months that I would never have dreamed would afflict me - I was a very capable coping outgoing person and the arrival of a significant depressive illness and the ensuing lowering in self-confidence came from nowhere. So I would never feel able to suggest that someone who finds the aging process problematical is talking nonsense.

Getting older has to be accepted - but hopefully we can sympathise with each other when some of the aspects of the aging process feel burdensome - and also laugh together over them maybe.

annsixty, as you say you are very lucky but I have no idea how anyone copes with 24/7 care of a relative with Alzheimer's. I do hope you are getting plenty of support and that the DNA stays strong for you