visits not allowed

I'm not sure how it could be worse. I can't begin to imagine only seeing my grandkids at eating places! It's just not the same.

But they came over at Christmas - perhaps the eating place is halfway between and if they are so busy ....

I only saw my DP at Christmas, Easter and summer holidays.

I'm sorry, but I think if lizzyr refuses to ever invite them over and is stubborn about the next move being theirs then she risks not seeing them at all.

Isn't 8 months a bit young for Easter Eggs?

Ooh. I can't remember. I don't think so. Not a little Buttons one.

What would be worse would be a direct refusal to meet at all perhaps in response to being pressurised. You don't create a happy family by issuing ultimatums and threatening to not see them at all if they don't do as you want. That is just asking for them to call your bluff and say "Ok, then, do that" Then the next time we hear from you, it will be on the same thread as Celebgran and Smileless who are completely cut off.

Invite them specifically to a family meal - Easter would be a good time, but if they already have plans for that day, suggest another.

Eight months isn't too young to taste a smear of chocolate - unless his parents veto it. Start 'em young!

I used to get upset over thinking that the other grandparents were seeing DGD more than we did, or other little things. Now I go with the flow. We see her more often than some grandparents see their grandchildren. I don't want to fall out and not see her at all. At the end of the day, they are the parents, not us.

lizzyr I think if you could explain what you mean by "not being allowed" it would be easier for us to understand the situation. Has your son and/or your daughter-in-law expressly forbidden you to visit? Have they refused all invitations to visit you? Have they told you they don't want you to see your grandson?
Or is it that you have perhaps rung and invited them at short notice and they've had other plans or are too busy? Or maybe you've offered to look after your grandson every day while they work and your daughter-in-law feels threatened by this?
I would keep in touch with them, ask them over now and then (not too often, and don't ring too often). Offer your help, but not repeatedly, and don't try to push it on them, just let them know you're there if ever they need you. Leave the door ajar for them, don't close it. I'm sure it will all work itself out if you give them time.

A cheerful, short phone call once a week or so may be a good idea - just to see how they all are and to give them any news you may have, without asking when you are going to see them or if you can come over or pressurising them in coming over to see you. No ulterior motive except to see how things are.
Just keep in touch!

Cutting off the nose to spite the face, as they say.

You are trying to force them to play by your rules - no wonder they are backtracking and keeping a wide berth - who can blame them!

You are going to have to amend your desires - tell them you realise that they do not need you to look after the child while they work and that you are OK with that - that you do not want to have him overnight till they feel he is ready. You have been giving them the impression that you know best and that you are trying to take over. Apologise for getting off on the wrong foot with them. Unless you make it clear that you are willing to play by their rules you will finish up with nowt - and it will be you who is the loser.

On a different note my DGS was over a year old before I babysat for him, and DS kept texting me from the restaurant and cinema to check - they were only a 10 minute walk away!
Ok, it's different because I'd gone to stay for a few days but new parents need to know that they can ask, rather than be pressured IMO.

I think it's very odd.

Shut up with that rubbish about me, jings, and just speak for yourself, if you please. Damn cheek.

I think it's very odd too... from the gran's point of view since that's the only view we have right now.

And I second elegran's points.

I would be very very nervous about looking after a baby overnight - even my own DGC!

A bit of loving, friendly mothering and grandmothering not smothering would be my advice.

No overnights , there not needed just daytime when they are busy.

I still don't know why you can't visit. Have you been turned away at the door? Told to stay away when you suggested a visit? Had a row while you were there, or they were at yours? Have they been busy or had other things arranged?

How often have you tried to visit? How often have you invited them? How often do you phone, email, text, Skype?

When you are together, do you follow their lead in how DGS is treated or do things the way you think they should be done?

Do they think that they need your help because they are busy, or is that your opinion?

Lots of good questions on here; perhaps it is now time to sit back and have a good ponder about what it is like from their point of view.

My son often has to take home on his deliveries. To think he would rather expose hime to danger on the roads, feed him in motorway services ( 5 miles from where I live) and change him in toilets rather than let me look after him

lizzsyr I do hope you haven't said that to them

sorry, mistyped your name

Yes, I have been told not to visit. They have said too busy to visit. I do phone now and then. I realise that you are hearing only my side of the story and I may be a right dragon. All I can say in my defence was that my friends and family think it odd also, without any prompts from me. All we wanted to do was grandparent type of things like take him for a walk in the park and play peek a boo , and just get to know him. Those are exactly the words we used to our son . Din L answered with she can see what we mean and they haven't time for lots of visits. Which is missing the point because we want to help. As for perstering. I haven't spoken to either of them for a month and have emailed a couple of times but not mentioned grandson.

I suppose what I suggested earlier, a shortish cheery phone call once a week or so, not mentioning any visits, will keep open the lines of communication, and some meetings occasionally for a meal as now.
I don't know what else to suggest, just wait until they suddenly realise they do need you one day!

If, like my DS and DDIL, they're both working then weekends are for catching up on the mundane chores and enjoying GS.
My DS is very hands on and I know they try to spend every minute they can with him.

There has to be a bit more to this?
What do you mean 'not allowed to visit'? Have they said that? Do you visit them? Have they visited you?

Please don't be put off what I'm about to say but you sound like you're having a bit of a tantrum because you can't get your own way.
They haven't taken you you up on your offer for you to look after him by yourself, which as their parents it's their choice to make, they might not need the help, because of this youre saying you're not inviting them over ever again.

It's not about you, what you want, what you think is best.
Your GS is 8 months old, the clingy age, he would have to travel 45 minutes to a house he doesn't know that well, with people he doesn't know that well without his parents And stay over night. He'll no. That isn't what's best for him.

My youngest is 20 months and has never stayed a day or night away from me. No amount of sulking will change that.
Go over to a thread called 'cut out of their lives' there are grans there who would love to be in your position.
You was given excellent advice last time and again on this thread.

I really hope you take it this time.