Jokes for grandchildren.

Seeing the Gdcs later - I will try to remember the elephant one (footprints in the butter) and the shark-infested custard one.

grandtanteJE65
Brae also means to clobber someone. "I'll brae ye one day!"

Kate1949

I've just noticed this thread is over seven years old!

So it is! I wouldn't have noticed had you not said.

Thank you for your help with entertaining GS today

How do you make a sausage roll?
Push it

What do you call a hippopotamus that can’t swim?
A hitthebottomus

Antonia

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.

When does a Scot resemble a donkey?

When he stands on his banks and braes. (A pun on brays - braes is Doric Scots for a hillside or a hillock.)

When is a door not a door?

When it is ajar ( a jar).

Petera

Kate1949

I've just noticed this thread is over seven years old!

In which case, does anyone know any jokes suitable for a 14 year old and an 11 year old?

JackyB

A classic that is indelibly etched in my brain from those days:

"What's round, green and hairy and goes up and down?"

A gooseberry in a lift.

And all related jokes of that ilk.

(In fact, I remember my father dissolving in uncontrollable fits at that gooseberry one. It might have been the way an 8-year-old told it)

That was told to Jack Dee on the Sooty show, by Harry Corbett, or Harry H. Corbett....I can never remember. We all dissolved into fits of laughter, mainly because of Jack’s deadpan face ?

I've just noticed this thread is over seven years old!

What’s black and white and goes up and down in a lift?

A penguin

( or, said as we walked past the Convent School)

A Nun.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the sea?

Bob.

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Well, it isn’t Bob………

Petera ?

Oh gosh, I think I’d turn to Alexa for help, doubt if mine know what a gooseberry is.
Wicked Uncle website has some great jokes for youngsters:
How do you make toast in the jungle?
Put it under a Grilla.

My daughter also used love cheese jokes, among which

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory?

All that we left was debris

What did the cheese say to annoy the bear?

Camembert

What did the cheese say when he saw himself in the mirror?

Halloumi

Where does a bee wee? At the BP station ??

My kids used to love the Dr Zeuss joke book, I used to know them all but can only remember:

Why do birds fly south?
Because it is too far to walk.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

Oopsadaisy1

What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head?

Warren

What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head?

Ed Wood

What do you call a man with two planks of wood on his head?

Edward Wood

What do you call a man with three planks of wood on his head?

Edward Woodward

There was a fork in the road, it turned into a cul-de-sac!

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field!

Why can’t you see elephants in trees?

Because they are really good at hiding

What does an elephant do if it’s stuck up a tree?

It stands on a leaf and waits til Autumn.

How can you tell if there’s an elephant in your fridge?

You can’t shut the door.

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick ( master oops always said a twig, time after time…..he thought it was hilarious)

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A woolly jumper.

What’s yellow and highly dangerous?

Shark infested custard.

What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head?

Warren

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter. ?