moving on after bereavement

for you all. It's so awful to yearn for someone you love who won't be coming back, and remembering anniversaries after so long together is hard. My sister died just a few days short of her ruby wedding and my brother's wedding last week, and now her first great-grandchild is about to arrive, two weeks overdue. Her poor husband is feelng overwhelmed with sadness.

I couldn't agree more! I'm probably worse than I'd usually be as I haven't slept this week and I'm very tired.
I'm sure ill be back to my normal self next week.
Thanks to all of you

when for you, too.

soop - A lovey tender post, and I second it for all.

Gen Yes, the silence is sometimes almost unbearable, thank goodness radios and CD players were invented.

I am glad the last couple of weeks have been a bit easier for you. From one day to another it definitely does not seem that "it gets better with time" but when it has been long enough for you to look back with a little bit of perspective, it is just possible to see that there are more good patches than there used to be.

After five months I don't lie awake at night so much going over the last few weeks in my mind and wishing I had done this or that differently, had said or not said this or that. It is as it is and I cannot go back and change anything. The winter sessions of day and evening classes are starting up, so there are more things to think about and people to talk to. I have one or two new projects to focus on. My main problem now is that it still seems like a lot of effort to really get going on anything. It can be done, and I find pleasure in small achievements (second prize in a small local photo competition -it cost me £1.50 to enter and I won £2) but I can see how people could easily fall into depression.

There is still sunshine around, it is just that the patches are smaller than we would like, and all we can do is enjoy them when they appear.

Thanks Elegran,

It has been just under 3 months for me and people keep saying it's early days.
The initial shock has worn off mostly, but I still have flash backs to the hospital and all that involved.

I know what you mean by things being a bit of an effort and falling into depression. I do voluntary work at an Elderly People's Home, go to a French conversation class and go to Cruse every other week. For some reason the weekends are the hardest but a lot of people say this.

Congratulations on winning the prize.

One of the hardest things for me is that my youngest son has cut off all contact. Part of the grieving priocess I know, but I feel as if it is a double bereavement.

I find the local church very helpful and kind and it's close to where I live so not an effort to go there.

At first I was inundated by friends ringing and calling in, but that has worn off and I think they feel I should get on with it now. Also I find being with couples quite upsetting because it only reinforces the fact that I am alone.

I do worry about the future.

You are so right about the small patches of sunshine. I've had a few of those and I think it's a very good sign. I also suddenly cry, just like that, and I've never been a person who cried.

Love and Courage.

Hello and morning Gen1946 and welcome to Gransnet I have just poppd in (any excuse to lounge about for just a little bit longer before starting the chores)! I have not yet had experience of bereavment but I do know it's only round the corner and will hit me and many others at any time.
Keep posting on Gransnet even if it only to say hello you don't always need to write much, it is like having virtual friends (well not all virtual as you will see that there are lots of Gransnetters meeting up) and if your feeling a little down then there is always some one who will pop up and try to make your day a little easier. take care

I have never posted before.
My husband died in April this year and I feel so alone.I am fortunate that my grown up children all live near me and are very supportive but nothing can take the place of my husband.I was married at 19 and we had 41 years together
Today is my birthday and this morning is so hard. No card or present and he always brought me breakfast in bed.My children and Grandchildren are coming to lunch later and I am dreading it.
I cannot stop crying.

Gen Whenever I find myself in one of those sunny patches I try to think more about how pleased he would have been for me than about how much I wish he could share them.

narg, my heart goes out to you and your family. I hope you will keep posting because there are so many who will be able to relate to your experience. Gransnet is a safe haven. ((((hugs))))

narg Days like birthdays and anniversaries are the worst, today you have licence to cry as much as you want. But make sure that you plan something really nice to make up for it soon. Will you see any of your family today? They know what you are going through and they sound really loving and supportive so I am sure they will come to your aid. An outing in a few days when there are not all the associations will give you one of those little patches of sunshine that can warm you through again.

Does your GP know how sad you feel? There is no shame in taking medical boosters to get you over the marshland onto solid ground again. And keep poting on here - many of us have had the same experience and know how it feels, or (like biker) can see forward to being in the same position.

narg your message brought tears to my eyes. Tears are not be ashamed of. Your family will be feeling sad in their own way. Your husband was obviously a good, kind and loving man. Forty one years of sweet memories...that's what I call an everlasting gift that cannot be erased from your memory. After tears, let there be smiles. We're here for you. Welcome to Gransnet.
Birthday greetings from Kintyre.

narg for your sadness today and for your sadness at losing your husband a warm hand on your shoulder from me,it won't ease your pain,but to show how sad I feel that you are hurting this way,welcome to GN and the warmth and support that you will receive.

when,elegran,gen,biker love and hugs for you also,and ladybird after her poignant post on Sunday lunch last week...thinking of you allxxxxxlove Nellie

nargwelcome and sympathy.

jeni how are you today it is your anniversary I believe hope the pain in your feet is better,and that you are happier now you have written your reportxxxxxxlove nellie

jeni biker elegran when and ladybird and [smiles] to you all. xxxxx

I'll survive I expect. Arthritis flare up at present.
I've had resort to a helping hand to load the washing machine otherwise I suspect I'd end up in it!
Imagine.
Fat legs at end of purple clad bottom sticking ult of washing machine, wriggling madly while muffled shouts issue from the interior!

jeni I now have that image of you firmly in my mindxxxxx

Thinking of all of you who are grieving for your loved one

narg welcome I hope that we Gransnetters can help you through the coming days/weeks/months/years.... Like we say to others, keep popping in, no need to post if you don't feel up to it, but reading other posts sometimes just helps a little and makes it fel like your not on your own,

thankyou elegran soop Littlenellie

I would like to thank you all for your kind messages of support and advice.
Even though it is raining this morning and dark outside reading all your messages has lifted my mood.Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply.
Going to a Cruse meeting this morning so will get out. Am trying to have something on the calendar each day to focus on.
Jeni your post made me laugh so much and cheered me up no end.

narg...well done! With every day you'll get stronger and stronger...

narg and all the others out there who are suffering out there from losing loved ones,I send you hugs and love. keep posting on here ,it is life enhancing and comforting.

Gransnet is a real godsend after bereavement,I find. Most of my friends still have their partners and, although they have been supportive, some especially so, they really don't understand how lonely it can still be at times.
I try to keep busy by volunteering , joining a couple of societies, meeting friends when possible etc. As I believe Esther Rantzen said, the hardest thing is "Having no-one to do nothing with". Being able to read about so many subjects, and write about some of these on GN. is a godsend.It makes us realise that we are never the only ones in whatever situation and that in itself is a great help. Stay on GN, it's definitely positive in that time after bereavement.

narg My sympathy for the loss of your husband .
Keep posting or just browsing through Gransnet and you will find that it is full of 'little patches of sunshine'
Gnetters will be your support and will make you laugh and cry, so welcome