moving on after bereavement

The trouble is you don't appreciate Mr.100% even when you've got him. I'm finding that out now he's gone. How I wish I could turn the clock back and maybe do things differently - appreciate the small everyday things. I suppose complacency sets in after so long together. Take heed ladies, grieving is a hard path to follow

You are right, Anno - I met several men who seemed to be ideal at first-intelligent, charming , attractive - but I was very wary about committing myself and I always found something I didn't like about them eventually.
Perhap I valued freedom too much, having been married at 18 to a clingy man.

I have just gone onto my FB page after reading this thread and one of my friends had shared this with me.....

A letter from Heaven

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I’m not here to see.
If the sun should rise and find your
eyes filled with tears for me.

I wish so much you wouldn’t cry,
the way you did today.
While thinking of the many things,
We didn’t get to say.

I know how much you love me
as much as I love you.
And each time you think of me
I know you’ll miss me too.

When tomorrow starts without me,
Don’t think we’re far apart,
for every time you think of me
I am right there in your heart.

glass

That made me cry!

Ahhh sorry

And me, jeni. glass

glass

Ladies, your posts have really touched me. I have not been widowed, thank God, but I know how painful it was when my darling mum and dad passed away -to lose your life partner must be awful. My thoughts go out to all of you who are bravely coping with your loss, and to you, Greatnan - but watch out - Mr 100%might be just over the next mountain!

Thank you, hummingbird, but I an assure you that no man in the world would tempt me to give up my lovely, free lifestyle. Not every woman wants a man! (And I don't want a woman, either!)

New to this site but it looks helpful. My husband died early July from cancer. It was sudden and unexpected. I feel as if my whole life is falling apart. I'm trying to rebuild a new life but it is so hard. Cruse is very good because you can meet other widows and see that things like panic attacks and dreadful extreme lonliness are all part of the grieving process. I'm doing all the right things, reaching out to friends, voluntary work, help from the church, but sometimes it all seems unreal. At the end of May I was a normal sort of woman with a normal sort of family, but now it's all crumbling because my adult children are struggling with their own grief and can't give me the support I need. I lost my own dad when I was 20 so I know how they are feeling but I can't seem to help them.

Love and courage to all.

You are very welcome, Gen - just writing down all that you are feeling can be a help - I know it was for me. You won't ever 'get over it' but the pain will get less as the shock fades, and you will remember the good times.

I lost my mam last year at the grand age of 90, and I still cry everytime I think of her or try to talk about her, to cap it all, my ex-husband died in december last year. I can herar you say ex-husband, why cry? We were realy great together until the children arrived then the drinking and violence happened, so my children didn't see what was happening, I divorced him even though I have always loved him. We became great friends after and I miss him so much. I don't think I can get over these two horrendous happenings in my life and I'm wondering if anyone can advise me. Thanks for listening

Cruse can be just as helpful to divorced widow(er)s-I think they can also offer one to one support. I feel so sad for you-Be brave and contact them

Welcome Gen, I hope you will find it helpful to come on here where you will find lots of support from others who have experienced bereavement. I have found gransnet to be a lovely welcoming forum where I have received support on all sorts of matters as well as just enjoying talking to other like minded people. Everything must be very raw for you at the moment and I can only offer you my sympathy, as I haven't been in your situation, but I know there are several members who have.

grandma1jan - I can't offer any advice but I know how it feels to lose your mum, I had lost my dad some years before but somehow the loss of my mum felt like a real shock and an end of my childhood if that makes any sense - I was in my 40s at the time. It does get easier with time; I still think about my mum almost every day and I also talk to her - she still feels very close to me and that remains a comfort as the years go on. I'm so sorry you lost your ex as well - I think that brings all sorts of mixed feelings. A close friend whose ex-husband died a couple of years ago told me she was shocked at the intensity of her reaction as they had been divorced for years. She said that she was grieving for all the happy times as well as for the things that had gone wrong and could never be put right. She was not on good terms with him and had lots of regrets - I hope you will find some comfort in the fact that you and your ex had become friends.

I hope you will both keep coming and talking on here - there is always someone around to listen and to talk.

gen1946 & grandma1jan dont be lonely there is always someone around on here to chat to.

Hello Elegran,

It's all so hard. My husband has been gone for two months and I am going out there and doing things, but the silence is so awful. People say that time will heal but at the moment I find that hard to believe. Having said that the last week or two have been a tiny bit easier. I go to Cruse who you can google or find it through your local doctor and that does help a bit. The hardest bit is coming home and wanting to tell your husband about what has happened - and there's no-one there to listen. I met him when I was 18 and we were married for 44 years so I had been with him all my adult life.

gen come on to GN and tell us all about your day, we are all here to listen, we love to find out what we have all been up to.

Today I put wood preserver on two of the window sill, ready for the winter and tidied up the garden.

Tomorrow would have been our 45th wedding anniversary!

Jeni

Jeni and from me too. All the more reason to come and be merry next weekend!

jeni ((((hugs))))

What can I say? (((hugs))) and to you all. And my admiration. xx

I have such respect for all those of you who have lost a partner and are trying your hardest to adjust and cope and get on with life. Mr soop is truly good and kind and totally dependable. We're about to celebrate our 24th anniversary...which pales against the time many of you have been married. and heartfelt warm wishes to jeni and Gen1946 and Gally. I do tell Mr soop that I love him every single day. And he tells me the same.

On Gransnet, we are here to offer friendship to each other. I think that we can make a real difference between a bereaved person feeling depressed and lonely or confident and well supported. That's the beauty of this forum. That's the strength of its members.