It's time to stop pandering

M0nica

Maremia

I don't get why Posters are complaining about something that may help youngsters to cope in schools.
If you overcame great difficulties, then hurrah for you.
Glad to hear that there is a now chance of better help for others.

A lot of people take a lot of pride in their success at overcoming difficulties - and I am with them. I admire people like that , but they tend to forget all those people who had the same difficulties, or rather remember them and feel superior and resent the idea that some of those failures could become successes with a little help from ther people or devices like this.

I agree. Thanks to an unusual and potentially very dangerous disease, l had major surgery on my left ear at the age of 10 1/2 and was permanently deafened in that ear as a result. I have had no directional hearing ever since. The advice in the seventies was typically bracing: “you have perfect hearing in your right ear and it will make up for your left ear.” In other words: just get on with it, so get on with it l did. The original disease had caused a permanent foul smelling discharge and, despite keeping it as fastidiously clean as possible, I was still very aware of it. A move to a different part of the country a few days before my eleventh birthday did not help. All this happened just pre-puberty, which, as we all remember, is not an easy time. I became very shy and self-conscious as a result. Looking back, I think I suffered a form of PTSD as a result. However, in the bracing seventies, such self-indulgence was never considered. These days, I would have been entitled to extra time in music exams for the aural section and would certainly have had concessions for the speaking and dictation parts of the languages O levels. The only concession I had was to be allowed to sit near the tape recorder in the French dictation exam. What l really needed, and would nowadays receive, was to be in a room by myself with the teacher reading the test at a slower pace and facing me so that I could lipread. The irony is that I love languages and a friend, who is a retired MFL teacher, has told me that I would probably have been really good at them if it were not for the hearing impediment. However, I went on to study music at a music college and have had a lovely career as a piano, violin and viola teacher and accompanist, now semi-retired. I have also worn two hearing aids for years. The irony is that l have perfect pitch. I would probably qualify as a perfect example of triumph over adversity and l certainly learnt the lesson of resilience at an early age. However, times move on and would l want today’s ten-year-old me to face all the challenges l faced with no help? Of course not. I have three charities l support above all the others and one of these three is the National Deaf Children’s Society (NDCS), founded in 2010, because l was a deafened child and received no help and I would hate the idea of children being in that position today.

Maremia

I don't get why Posters are complaining about something that may help youngsters to cope in schools.
If you overcame great difficulties, then hurrah for you.
Glad to hear that there is a now chance of better help for others.

A lot of people take a lot of pride in their success at overcoming difficulties - and I am with them. I admire people like that , but they tend to forget all those people who had the same difficulties, or rather remember them and feel superior and resent the idea that some of those failures could become successes with a little help from ther people or devices like this.

I don't get why Posters are complaining about something that may help youngsters to cope in schools.
If you overcame great difficulties, then hurrah for you.
Glad to hear that there is a now chance of better help for others.

I once taught a girl like this. She had every reason under the sun not to go to school. As soon as she was 18 she cleared off to the other side of the world, got married and never came back. So much for school refusing.

GreyKnitter

A very judgmental post. We live in very different times with completely different pressures on children both in and out of school. I’m sure there are a few children who are molly coddled but equally there are many with mental health issues which we now recognise as needing treatment and support before the young people resort to self harm and suicide.

But aee the mental health issues rising from how they are brought up?

This post has become very interesting reading with differing opinions, which, we are all entitled to.

TheWeirdoAgain60 💐 what an awful childhood you had at schools, shame on those pupils and teachers🤬

Elless

Reading in the paper this morning about - wait for it - EBSA 🙄apparently a condition where children are 'too anxious' to go to school.
I was bullied at school, never popular and always on the outs. I hated school and dreaded it. I remember lying on the sofa with severe tonsillitis and hearing my parents saying 'she won't go to school tomorrow' - I had to be dying before they'd let me stay off. There's too much molly coddling kids these days 😡

www.facebook.com/share/r/14jcosovHXw/?mibextid=wwXIfr

A very judgmental post. We live in very different times with completely different pressures on children both in and out of school. I’m sure there are a few children who are molly coddled but equally there are many with mental health issues which we now recognise as needing treatment and support before the young people resort to self harm and suicide.

MG55

I had to look it up also.
The use of (very small) devices looks interesting and quite innovative 👍

The £3,500 cost is most likely to be purchase cost? It then could be used many, many times, for many children successively. Much cheaper than the recurring cost per hour (plus annual leave, sick leave, training and pension costs added to base salary etc) of a teaching assistant acting as a "companion".

EBSA has become a real thing, particularly after Covid pandemic and the closure of schools.

If this A1 'companion' is shown to be effective, supportive and enables children to remain in mainstream education that could be a great outcome and cost efficient.

"gentle parenting means pointing out issues etc. in a child's life and helping them learn to cope with it. It is not to keep everything in a child's life rosy, because that is unrealistic."

Parents role is to make sure children know that life isnt rosy, that bad behaviour and drama is not going to bring happiness, that goes much further than pointing out issues

I agree with you MOnica.

Life isn’t all rosy, if only it were.

Yes, parents need to be parents, not their child’s mate.

Too many parents want to be their child’s best friend, often that means never saying ‘no’, never saying this is what real life is about, you just have to get on with it sometimes.

gentle parenting means pointing out issues etc. in a child's life and helping them learn to cope with it. It is not to keep everything in a child's life rosy, because that is unrealistic.

Whenever I read anything by a parent using this method of child rearing or someone advocating, it is always very clear, that it was all about not saying 'no' to a child and talking to the child and effectively negotiating and constantly explaining and justifying everything the parent wanted the child to do.

In real life you have to learn to cope with rejection and being told you have got things wrong and that the world does not revolve round you. I can well understand why many young people find this deeply disturbing.

Margs

We now have the NEET generation. Presumably they will breed the next NEET generation. Maybe it's just as well robots are taking over......

"breed" Really?

My friend has a son who is NEET. The poor lad was terrorised at school and wanted to end his life.

Things seem to be turning a corner, thankfully.

M0nica

We have had a generation of parents who have lost sight of what a parents role is. A parents role is to prepare children for the adult world, in the same way any other animal does. However much play time and games a cat gives its kittens, the mother also teaches them to hunt and catch its prey and eat it, otherwise it starves to death.

We have had a generation of parents who initially just wanted their children to have a perfect childhood all love and treats and protection from anything that made them unhappy this evolved into gentle parenting where you never punish, never say no, always talk feelings through.

Children grow up thinking that the only thing that matters in the world is how they feel. When they leave home and employers and life generally make demands on them and expects them to adapt and adjust,they cannot cope.

I do not blame the children of this kind of parenting for the problems they have, but I do blame their parents.

Just like the cat, of course we protect our children when small, but we protect by preparing and training them for world they live in, not some ideal world that is not there.

gentle parenting means pointing out issues etc. in a child's life and helping them learn to cope with it. It is not to keep everything in a child's life rosy, because that is unrealistic.

PaperMonster2

“But, I still stand by my assertion that we do also have to support all children to build resilience and confidence to be able to face their great fears and to support them to overcome and manage them.

We need to support them to grow and to become responsible adults.

I’m not suggesting it doesn’t exist, nor that we should ignore it.”

You absolutely do not build resilience by forcing them in. This really does do more harm than good. A child with EBSA will be being offered appropriate professional support. There is always a lot of work going on in the background.

GrannyGravy13 school refusal is an old fashioned term that is no longer used for obvious reasons.

Dr Naomi Fisher is a very good resource for looking at resilience building.

I quite agree, I helped a lot of mostly teenagers when I was a social worker. I worked with the school and got some homework but did not expect them to go to school, they needed no pressure. A youthworker & I would take the person out to do cheap things and build up a relationship with them. Then they'd do some homework, I'd get the problems at school sorted out & when they were ready they'd speak with me & the teachers & go back to school in a small amount at a time. It always worked over 3 months or so & the young person would be so much more relaxed and calm. Often I didn't know what bought on school phobia, but I knew the best way to manage it.

We now have the NEET generation. Presumably they will breed the next NEET generation. Maybe it's just as well robots are taking over......

Chestnut

David49

Momac55

friendlygingercat

If I had refused to go to school a smart slap across the legs would soon have cured it. I can remember going with cardboard in the soles of my shoes because my mother could not afford new ones. No wonder today's kids are so weak and spineless that they are too scared to make a phone call.

Same , I remember plastic bags on my feet because my boots had holes in the soles

Plastic bags hadnt been invented back then we used old hessian potato sacks.

Hessian potato sacks, pure luxury! We had no shoes at all. There, beat that. 🤭

You can’t beat a bit of Monty Python in the one up man ship stakes. 😂

I am sorry to hear about your daughter. That must be very upsetting for you to witness.

However, as taxpayers, I do think we are all entitled to express our opinions if we wish.

That is one theory but there are many reasons for school phobia.

We have had a generation of parents who have lost sight of what a parents role is. A parents role is to prepare children for the adult world, in the same way any other animal does. However much play time and games a cat gives its kittens, the mother also teaches them to hunt and catch its prey and eat it, otherwise it starves to death.

We have had a generation of parents who initially just wanted their children to have a perfect childhood all love and treats and protection from anything that made them unhappy this evolved into gentle parenting where you never punish, never say no, always talk feelings through.

Children grow up thinking that the only thing that matters in the world is how they feel. When they leave home and employers and life generally make demands on them and expects them to adapt and adjust,they cannot cope.

I do not blame the children of this kind of parenting for the problems they have, but I do blame their parents.

Just like the cat, of course we protect our children when small, but we protect by preparing and training them for world they live in, not some ideal world that is not there.

I’ve read all this topic’s posts and I’ll say this - we’re now an enabling society sadly and, whilst I’m sure some kids may have genuine issues that need investigating, an awful lot will see an opportunity to sit at home doing nothing - and anyone who questions their actions will be accused of mental health cruelty. As others have commented, what exactly are we producing - a large proportion of society who can’t/won’t do ANYTHING they don’t want to do?! Parents need to parent and teachers need to be permitted to exert a certain level of authority imo

It’s rarely about bullying TheWeirdo

I was bullied badly- verbally, emotionally and physically- by teachers and pupils from when I started school at 5 to when I quit at 16, my birthday is 29 April, so I didn't bother waiting until September to leave with all the others, as soon as I turned 16, I quit there and then and never went back. I absolutely hated just about all the pupils and teachers and the system, which was extremely sexist and against girls' rights; this was only from 1970 to 1986.

I dreaded going to school and would often lie awake all night intentionally to make myself so exhausted and tired that I got through the day in a daze to block out as much abuse as I could: all the shouting at me from teachers and pupils, condescending and patronising comments. I was never popular, had no friends and was treated like filth. Always shoved to the back. Shouted at when I did something wrong, and shouted at and accused of cheating when I did something right. I was a nervous wreck, always. Could never do anything right.

BUT, in all the 11 years of hell, not once did I have any type of ''anxious'' thing - no people to help me through it, no creepy robots, nothing; I just had to get on with it, as countless other bully victims all over the country had to. We knew such things would happen in adult life too.

As a victim of systematic bullying, I totally get that some kids are soooo anxious and scared that they need some type of help; they need that help, but we all had to put up with it until all the new ways of thinking came about!

We have a fair bit of home schooling where I live. Not necessarily because of bullying but frequently for religious reasons. Some of these children would probably benefit from that. The children do meet with other home schoolers from time to time so isolation isn’t too much of an issue. I don’t remember a great deal of bullying from my school days but I do remember a kid up our road ( boy ) who bullied me so that I used to walk to school a long way round to avoid him. Never, ever told my Mum who would probably have ignored me . I remember a sick feeling in my stomach if I ever came across this kid who was a year older.