Recognising a pattern

No, can’t say I have noticed this, but all the women that I know wouldn’t allow anything like that to happen.
Probably the older men have always been like that but becoming more noticeable in retirement?

I will say that I quite often in supermarkets see what I call 'the dutiful husband' trailing behind a woman of a certain age who is clearly in charge e.g. more than once I've heard the poor man in question being loudly told off "You don't need that!" And the offending item removed from the trolley and returned to the shelf.

So I would say that sort of behaviour comes in the person not whether they're male or female.

As Oreo says none of the women that I know would put up with that.

People control others in so many ways... I've now been reminded of a friend with a meek and mild husband who is a seasoned martyr!

Oops I added but don't know where it went - the woman is the seasoned martyr so the poor husband is constantly made to feel guilty.

You live in a very different world from me! I'm 70 and might have noticed this behaviour in my parents' generation but never in my own.

Can't say I have witnessed anything like this amongst my friends but bullying can go on in any partnership regardless of age.
My DH certainly would not behave like this its disrespectful regardless of gender.

eddiecat78

You live in a very different world from me! I'm 70 and might have noticed this behaviour in my parents' generation but never in my own.

I am 75 and have fortunately never encountered this in the UK.!

A narcissist would rarely behave in such a way publicly.

They will come a cross as charming, loving and respectful.

Once in the car or at home the narcisstic behaviour will manifest.

I’ve experienced this widely
And recently
I’m pleased to hear you haven’t !
Without push back it gets worse
Misogyny at its worst I agree not narcissism
I know about that too sadly

Which newspaper you cut and paste your findings from? Like many others here I don't recognise this behaviour in my world. Have you just graduated from Mumsnet where most women seem to hate the men THEY'VE chosen?

Horti

I’ve just been posting on narcissistic behaviours and patterns

I’m recognising a different but similar pattern amongst many retired couples I know

Retired husbands bullying know it all’s
Loud , speak over their wives conversation , increasing volume to get heard above them

Wives being deferential to a point against their best interests often scared to disagree ,going along with it for ‘ peace’ Not being heard

I was told this was gender inequality !!

but tbh it’s appalling and widespread

Anyone recognise this and got any solutions

I must say I've only noticed this kind of behaviour a few times in my life (a pretty long time!). Maybe it's just the company I keep.

Gosh this sounds horrible. Never encountered it i must say. I'm not a psychological expert so can't comment on narcissism.

but tbh it’s appalling and widespread
Really?

No, I've never noticed any women I know of my age who are scared to disagree with overbearing husbands, including me.

I think some men can be bullies but this is across all age groups but possibly more so amongst younger people now, with some young men following the vile Tate brothers. There seems to be a growing trend in the USA too, as mysognistic views seem to be on the rise there.

Do you live in the USA Horti?

No, I'm 70 not came across this in my generation. Dare they try. My dad was not like that either.

My dear husband becomes very bossy and controlling when we go shopping together.

No I’ve never personally observed this, but no doubt there are couples who plod along with one being subservient.
My husband and I have always regarded each other as equals, so neither of us would put up with this behaviour.
I have 2 DS’s who have grown into very respectful men and wouldn’t behave like that either. My DD would never put up with that either. My DM used to say “people treat you the way you permit them to” have these men or women not realised in the UK we have had a voice for many years now, use it and stand your ground.

Wasn't it Erin Pizzey who started the first womens refuge in Chiswick? It was a lifesaver for many families. Then it was closed down. There was uproar. I cannot remember why, though. Can anyone enlighten me?

I recognise this behaviour because I had to stand up against it. My current husband of twenty years was very much like this in the beginning. Every story I started to tell he would jump in on. Even things I had experienced before I met him which he had no part in became his stories. Even as early as this week he was telling me how he had complained in a restaurant. The complaint did happen but it was done by me. I just let it go over my head and didn’t bother to correct him. Once I realised what he was like I just started doing my own thing. We rub along fine but I can’t explain to him how his behaviour affects me as he would just accuse me of always complaining. He has a really big chip on his shoulder. I can’t change him but I can change me. I long ago stopped inviting friends round. I would do all the work he would take all the credit. I plod along quite happily doing my own thing. I care about my husband but I care about me more.

Never noticed this amongst any people I know, wonder where you get your info from.

Yes, that’s correct dalrymple 23.
I do believe she was one of the first pioneers of refuges.
Not sure why it was closed down, but I know shortly after that a women’s refuge was opened in my home town.
And i.believe there are many more refuges all across the country now.

At the moment, I’m reading a book written by a Sociopath.
A true story and a memoir by Patric Gagne.
She stresses the fact that there is a huge difference between a Sociopath and a Psychopath.
Without going into detail, it’s a fascinating story of her life and how she has coped with this condition which apparently was not a universally recognised condition, and therefore was not listed in a dictionary.

Some of us might recognise these traits in people we know.

Not scared, but I find myself letting him get away with talking over me, correcting me in public (even when he is wrong), telling me how to stack the dishwasher, calling me lazy, even though I still do most of the work. Home has been rearranged so he can just reach for things instead of looking where they have always been.

Since he retired, he changes his plans at short notice and gets nasty if I do not fit in.

Just for peace.

And no, I am not alone, most of my friends are feeling the same

None that I know of. Do know some couples where the woman is the dominant partner, not physically, but definitely verbally.

In my early 70's and live by myself.
Being an arsehole and Male Chauvinist Pig was rife amongst many older men when l was growing up. They really ruled the roost. And the MCP was a brand that was worn with pride

Women stayed with them because nowhere to go or the financial support to be independent to look after their children.

Obviously, not all men are like that and some women can be real bullies. That's for another day

On the surface. It looks as some men have changed from their default mode of being dictatorial and barbaric. But scratch the surface and you will see they have not.

I still see this controlling women hatred in old men. Their wives are so conditioned and used to î to it. They don't even notice.

This actually seems to a lot worse in foreign countries where women live in fear behind the painted smile.

As for my generation of men. There was a lot more divorces as women had more say. But still quite a bit of passive aggressive behaviour and disrespect towards woman.

Not a pattern I recognise. I'd not allow that behaviour.

Well I honestly think the majority of you must have perfect lives and walk around with your eyes shut. You are so lucky.
My DH tried to do this with me but I just wouldn’t have it. I’m me! We go to places together but not all the time.