Book Club Leader

My book club’s great, something I look forward to once a month. Just seven of us, no leader or organiser, taking turns at hosting. Always a pattern of wine and nibbles with our discussions, tea and coffee and cake later on. We manage to decide on our next book without argument - we just put forward anything we’ve heard good reviews of and take it from there, and I’ve found that many of the books I didn’t fancy have been the ones I enjoyed most. It’s rare that we all love the same book, and of course we listen to other opinions! We all know each other well, so naturally there’s plenty of discussion about our families, and the local gossip. We have a Christmas do at one of our houses; we each bring a pre-loved book we’ve personally enjoyed, wrapped, and draw lots for them. With a quick review of each at our January meeting.

I did get a brief taste of a bad book group when the local library started one. One of the participants obviously thought she was in charge and fired questions at us in turn, fiercely shushing anyone else who dared to speak while the exam was in progress. Weirdly, half the people attending couldn’t make it for the second meeting…

I've come across the "hour only" bookclub thing. As part of my search for a replacement book club I attended I went to a meeting of one that happened at a local community pub. Much laughter during the course of discussion - which was fine by me and I'll cast jokes with the best of them if that's how things are. But I was very surprised it was such a short meeting and it didn't have an official leader - but it certainly acted like there was an unofficial leader so to say.

Cue for - at the end of that hour I hadn't even realised was the idea - everyone got up and left. I'd decided to give it a second try - but they made it plain they cba to get in touch with details of what book it was going to be the next time. I got the feeling it was being "closed village" stuff again. That being it's a small village near the small town I live in and the problem bookclub (with their "unfair dismissal" leader) was in the same village. That village is walking distance from us - ie the same place imo in effect.

So that was the end of that one then - though that village has a problem of being very cliquey anyway and I even got accosted to the effect of what I was doing going for a walk there during Lockdown and the same woman did so again when I was having another subsequent walk there during Lockdown. There's a very insular attitude in that particular village all round. So I guess I should have expected that bookclub would be a bit that way - ie "Anyone living outside a 1 mile radius are not quite it my dear".

The search goes on.

I briefly joined a book club. I thought it would be somewhat like the seminars I attended at university, but probably not quite so demandingly intellectual. My first surprise was that everyone had chosen different books to discuss. There were about eight people, so eight books in an hour which really didn't work and was quite confusing. I am a fast reader and could manage eight books in a week, but it seems that reading them wasn't necessary as each person just spoke about the book they had chosen. At least part of the hour was chitchat about holiday destinations, the well-being of someone's daughter and some other irrelevant topics. It was hugely disappointing.

Sounds like the type who aims for a cheap laugh - to flatter her cheap mind.

That's as childish!

We have an organiser rather than 'a leader' ie somebody who coordinates the nominated books to read, sources the questions, sorts out the Christmas/summer meal etc. we are very grateful she does all that - but discussions are fun, respectful and all points welcomed - and importantly, take place in the pub.
Perhaps OP's 'leader' is just a rude person that needs challenged on her rudeness.

RosieandherMaw

Why does a book group need a leader?
Find a better group.

Ours hadn't got a leader, never felt any need.

We met in the local library ( no cost) , open to anyone, and all made suggestions for our reading list. Comments and opinions on the current book varied wildly and nobody ever took offence or felt hurt becauae nobody else enjoyed a book they did. . We took it in turns to bring the biscuits and fresh milk and you brought your own mug. ( we kept instant coffee and teabags at the library) .

I would have had to call her out. She behaved in a very disrespectful way and displaying her reactions to your personal opinion of the book was childish, mean spirited, and not conducive with being a leader of a book group.
You have choices here:-

~ Confront her openly at the next meeting

~ Suggest to the group that she steps down and someone else replaces her

~ Walk away and find another outlet

CariadAgain

"before asking" - I wasnt "asked"...I was "told". Pet hate that the English language is used to say "asked" - when what is actually meant is "told" or even "ordered".

I think that book club - as far as I can figure out - has collapsed since. You can probably guess how I feel about that (ie not sorry).

I have got my eye out for a more normal bookgroup and I've widely publicised what happened in that bookgroup.

Well aware of there being a lot of more "bohemian" people here - it's part of why I moved here - though I'm much more conventional myself. Hence I got through Lockdown a lot better than I otherwise would have.

In that case good to leave, bad leader. Hope you find the ‘ more ‘normal’ group soon. Mind you at 80 next year, I find that tho I used to read at least a book a week, often more, now I find myself unable to keep up with it every month, particularly when not enjoying the chosen book much. Too much else to do that takes twice the time it used to! By the way I’m not dissing peoples lives by calling them ‘bohemian’ …I like bohemian, or hippy or whatever the current word is! My Ex used to refer to me as the bag lady! Wonder why he’s my Ex?
Nos da.

I had something similar happen in an online group very recently. A fellow-member made a remark about me which she thought that I couldn’t hear. I can only think that she thought that she was on mute.

I stopped what I was saying and said ‘sorry?’. She apologised and I don’t expect her to do this again. If she does, I will do the same.

Good to hear that Mainwin. Fingers crossed for your new one. Indeed - one does have to leave karma to sort things out sometimes - darn it!

Thank you Mainwin for replying. Hope the new book club is good.

Thank you for your replies. I have enquired about another book club and I will be going along this week. If it is OK I will politely resign from the old one. Karma will sort it out.

Other point re that bookclub is that I'm not aware of a vote having been held. There may have been one. But there was no sign of a vote - just one single persons decision. So I don't know how many voted for themselves and how many voted for freedom (because I think/feel pretty sure the vote was missing). No vote = no legitimacy to a decision. Just one person - who thinks he is entitled to make everyones vote for them.

I would be interested to know what Mainwin thinks of all the responses and whether she’s still in the book club.

"before asking" - I wasnt "asked"...I was "told". Pet hate that the English language is used to say "asked" - when what is actually meant is "told" or even "ordered".

I think that book club - as far as I can figure out - has collapsed since. You can probably guess how I feel about that (ie not sorry).

I have got my eye out for a more normal bookgroup and I've widely publicised what happened in that bookgroup.

Well aware of there being a lot of more "bohemian" people here - it's part of why I moved here - though I'm much more conventional myself. Hence I got through Lockdown a lot better than I otherwise would have.

CariadAgain

Yep....disrespectful indeed and all different views on a book should be treated respectfully.

That was one thing that did work appropriately in the bookclub I was in - until I got thrown out by the group leader because, as he said, "We know you won't have followed Lockdown - ie got that jab/wore masks/etc".

But I've not given up on bookclubs because of one mans prejudices and have still got my eyes open for another one - without a bossyboots in charge this time.

So - sympathies - and yep...due respect should be given to all different views and to all levels of books (through from lightweight fiction to the really "heavy" stuff).

Well I would have asked if you had had the jab, etc, before asking you to leave, but if you hadn’t and this was, I assume, during Covid, I would have asked you to go too! In a book club the participants tend to be older/ elderly, and as you are on Gransnet I assume you are older too? And many older people like myself have low immunities, that was only sensible. However healthy you might be, you could still have passed on the virus. I wouldn’t want anyone unvaxxed near me… even now.
I go to a nice book club where like others we read books I’d never pick up myself, but find it’s good to get out of my comfort zone and many interesting discussions ensue. I’m assuming you are in wales ( tho you might be welsh but living elsewhere) but I’m in SW Wales and there are a lot of more bohemian types here who are fun, but I wouldn’t want to be near, as I have CKD and other health issues. Perhaps think of others in the group, rather than just bemoaning your dismissal? If he was wrong, then of course you have every reason to moan! And best find a better group?

She was very rude!! Say something to her or if you are not brave enough just stop and stare at her. She will feel very uncomfortable hopefully?

I used to be in a book club but decided it wasn’t for me. One of the members was so full of herself it completely put me off contributing.

Horses for courses, Eazybee. Your book club sounds good unlike the OP's. Mine suits me. We're all different.

Your leader sounds immature and insecure. What size is the group? Are others who treat all members with respect? Do you have any supportive friends in the group? If the group is very small and the answers to both questions are negative you may well feel you need to leave. Your local library may have information about other groups.

Discussing it doesn't mean 'picking it apart' it means sometimes asking questions, such as'why do you think he did that? was it the right thing to do? 'was the ending satisfactory? what would !have happened if..? do you think the editor has even read this book?
There are always parts that have been missed or misunderstood that bear re-reading.
I have been a book club member for 25 years and only one member, out of 12, has left (moved 200 miles away) and have read so many books I would never have opened otherwise, and enjoyed most of them. We are very democratic, no leader, take it in turns to speak to begin with,compile a book list in a group so no one is hurt if their choice is not popular, and nearly always find something good to say about each book, even occasionally, well it's short.

It means talking about parts which particularly impressed, commenting on the writing, the description,

That was rude.

eazybee

I am always surprised when people who claim to love reading don't want to discuss the books they read.

I'm an avid reader but once I've read a book I don't want to pick it apart and if it's something I'm not enjoying, I just ditch it! Thankfully the "book club" I belong to is very unstructured, really it should be called a "book sharing" club and I love it when someone puts a book in front of me and says " you'll love this, I hated it!" We know each others tastes very well as we've been meeting up for years.

I am always surprised when people who claim to love reading don't want to discuss the books they read.