Daughter &Husband won’t let anyone see newborn

Monica I find your post must be quite hurtful to Cookie and others. There's no excuse unless mother and baby are ill. I would be hurt, but I would just send a message saying, hope you're all well and we are looking forward to seeing you and our lovely granddaughter when you are ready. Leave it up to them. Every 3/4 days i would send a simple, loving text, but no more. Thats how they choose to parent so I would expect nothing therefore not be disappointed. I wanted my loved ones to share in my joy and see the baby. Its best to know where you stand but hard.💐

Try not to worry, it’s hard I know …they will want you when it suits them I’m sure! 💔
We were kept away until it was in their interest for us to see baby - now they have ano and say when are you taking them, have them stay, take them home with you, etc! Makes me sad as i wasn’t even asked to the baby showers.

Have never heard of this new trend. Unbelievable! We are family-orientated and I would hate not to at least, meet and greet, a new arrival. Wonder if they'll feel the same when they need free babysitters?

A load of nonsense and hurtful behaviour ..

Never have experienced such horrorific protocol and in Spain and France, I have never seen such horrendous behaviour either.

Empathy is not in their hearts ..

It is their baby and up to them .
And it seems to be the pattern these days -that is until they need babysitting and then you'll be in the doghouse if you can't!
Do something enjoyable and don't fret about it !

I find it strange but I have found that if you give them the space they want, you will end up with a better relationship in the long run. This is a period in their lives when emotions are running really high and it seems to me that what is perceived as natural concern by you, may well be perceived as being overbearing by them. As the younger generations have complete strangers giving advice without knowing all the facts, your voice will be a lone voice in a room full of opposing views. That puts you in a precarious position.
The advice from this stranger without knowing all the facts, is stay quiet, avoid advice and accept their rules. Things settle down eventually!

This post points out, quite succinctly, everyone is different.

Over 60 years ago, when I had our first daughter, my husband brought us home and went back to work, he'd 2 jobs to afford us, we needed money to eat and survive. Mum still had a child at home.

Two years later, I delivered our second daughter. We picked our first up from mum, drove home with both, and he went back to work.

My parents and his bonded well with all 4 of our daughters. People have to do what suits their situation. All will work out.

No photos, not revealing the name - this is an extraordinary way to behave, not only selfish and hurtful but plain rude. Also prob not good for the parents themselves to have no contact with other people, no one to share minor worries with.

I think these days new parents rely a lot on books and Googe and so-called specialists eg sleep consultants. So entirely possible they have decided in advance they are going to do things a certain way. I certainly found it took a while before my daughter asked for advice, and even longer before she began to take it. Personally I would be upset too, but that doesn't mean that the wisest thing is to show it. I also remember having to bite my lip a few times when my daughter lashed out at me. By the second time around, things were much easier.

She will be on touch soon, try not to get too hurt, they are wrapped up in their own little bubble.
My DD had a baby in March, we were the first to know, she and her DH face time me within 30 mins after she had her, proudly showing us our new GD.

I find it strange, about this new fad.. this generation are permanently on Facebook or most SM, but not for something so important as this?

Wait until the sleepless nights and they can't cope call comes 🤣

It's only a few hours since she gave birth, them them breathe! They'll share things in time.

She'll be utterly exhausted and would just want some initial time with the baby.

Congratulations on your grandchild, and at least you know she is healthy!

I too would be dreadfully hurt by this behaviour, but as others have mentioned this is the fashion amongst new parents these days.

Seen from where I am standing, they regard their child as THEIR CHILD not as a member of a family, and as their generation focus on ME time, bonding with baby etc. this is what they are doing.

They genuinely believe they are doing what is best for the baby and for themselves in establishing a relationship with the child before admitting grandparents, aunts and uncles into the new home. And it is not something they have cooked up - they are doubtlessly following the advice of the midwife and guide books for new parents, as this is the advice given these days.
So, try to find comfort in the thought that you are not alone in being treated like this, and please, do try not to be so hurt and whatever you do, DO NOT text, e-mail or phone asking when you may see the baby!

Leaving them to get out of their new parent cocoon in their own time is the safest thing, probably, with regards to your future relationship with them.

I think I would send a card, saying so glad to hear baby is healthy, how are you? and leave it at that for now.

I meant ''let them breathe'' not ''them them breathe!''! Silly me!

Having a baby and bringing up a baby is a whole new world, everything is done so differently. Eating, sleeping, socialising, it is totally different to how we did it. I personally think most of what they do now is lovely, but don't understand how they can spend so much time just doting on the baby. My young family spend all the day carrying baby around in a sling doing everything like that if one can't the other one does. all called bonding. So different. Mine slept in their prams outdoors while I did my jobs, there was not much time for spending hours cuddling and watching baby adoringly. However I did not have any support from parents, that is the last thing I would have wanted. The two of us managed absolutely fine, with both one and two children. Husband had no leave in those days either. Think back to when they had 9 children or more, they could not have done it the modern way back then either. I have to confess I am a bit envious as I think their relationship with their babies is so much more calm and satisfying for them.

How upsetting this for you, when both my DGDs were born we visited them in hospital. I don’t understand new parents these days, not wanting their family the chance to also bond with the baby, it’s a true saying it takes a village to raise a child. We had both babies overnight from early on to let mum and dad get a proper sleep

A not too dissimilar situation when my uncle died. His wife didn't want anyone to know for a few days as she wanted time "alone with him" to grieve! His daughter (my cousin) contacted me a few days later to say - "I felt you should be told but can you please keep the news to yourself for a while. It's the way my stepmother wants it" ! Bonkers!!

I don’t think this is necessarily a 21st century trend. When I had my first baby in 1978 I felt the same and asked my mum not to come for the first week after I got home (dad was dead by then). She lived over 200 miles away and would have to stay in our house. She was very hurt, but I really needed that space to figure out my own way of doing things. I loved my mum but she could (and would) always tell me how I could have done things better. Of course the second time was different and then I really needed the help and had my own confidence.

Incidentally I also felt the same when my first husband died suddenly. I don’t think we should be describing other people’s personal feelings about intimate events as bonkers.

Not revealing the name, not allowing anyone to see or touch the baby! Who do they think they are, celebrities? Yes they are the parents and it's their choice, so I accept it even though I think it's ridiculous but I wouldn't say so.

Something I told myself is, a kid's earliest memory isn't til they are about three. So if I'm not in the child's life in their early days they won't know or miss out. For me, there is a bond, thanks to my DIL letting me hold him while she did other things, but my son has done his best to make sure there is no bond. I think he is threatened by it, sadly.

Parent hood can bring out all kinds of feelings.

It’s quite common now a days . One son we were in the labour ward and fully involved but the other we went briefly when first baby a week old , they held a huge picnic then we were told to go home ( stayed in a travelodge not theirs ) next child booked for when baby 3 weeks old but had to go at a week old as an emergency when daughter in laws parents and her yelled at my son like raving loonies and in a threatening way till he was on the way to a breakdown . I suggested he got a gp then 2 weeks off with stress . He did that and my daughter in law rang urgently for me to go over and be there for everyone which I did after rushing over to Gloucestershire . 6.5 hr journey and traffic jams in boiling heat -just goes to show you . I feel I just do as told now !!

My daughter did this with no 2 and 3 babies. Didn't know she had given birth for two days. Seems so strange to me that you don't want to show off your new baby to grandparents, I'm afraid I still feel miffed whenever I think about it. Fortunately our other daughter is the reverse and we were welcomed to see her beautiful babies asap. Personally I think its a ridiculous trend unless there are medical conditions.

Oh, how nuts. It IS better to do as you're told though. Mine are'nt currently telling me to do anything as they have decided to avoid my home completely due to my pets which they have decided are "unhygenic".

However they were happy to live with us freely for months when they were between places in the same house with the same pets, but that's another story!!! IF it wasn't for that I probably wouldn't have been able to see my GC at all.

So many saying that this is the ‘modern trend’. If so , it’s an unkind one and in complete contrast to the strong family bonds that existed years ago. We are all encouraged to ‘be kind’-another ‘on trend’ position. This is not and must be dreadfully hurtful. I was desperate to share my newborns with my mother who unfortunately lived many miles away so it was weeks before I could. My daughter wanted my involvement immediately; I was at the birth of two and on the birth of the third, born at 26 weeks, I supported her and her family from the start and celebrated at the coming home party when the baby left NICU some months later. Surely that’s what family is about? If not, it’s a worrying trend that bodes ill for society. I think it is perfectly normal to be hurt; I would be devastated. I suppose you will have to suck it up for now but I’m afraid I would have to convey the way I feel at an appropriate moment. You too have a right to your not unreasonable feelings.

Considering some of the posts here I’m honestly not surprised that some parents are asking for alone time with their new baby before allowing visitors, family or not.

They have been called pretentious, entitled, silly, selfish and more. This woman gave birth 4 days ago! She’ll make mistakes, we all did. Yes, she’ll probably need help later on and not realize it yet. Yes, baby number 2 might be different. Didn’t anyone else do things with their first child that the realized were silly in hindsight?

OP is hurt, but calling her daughter names isn’t helping.