Is it way, way off the radar to call a step mum 'Mum'

Wouldn’t work for me

Is it the child that wants to?

I have to say I would not like it. Everyone is different but it just seems strange.

Seems unusual but why do you ask Serendipity22 it would be helpful to know the context,

The child has been encouraged to call the step mum 'Mum' by the child's dad and its stuck every since ( for years )

If everyone involved in the family is happy with it, I don't see that it matters. But I'm guessing that somebody isn't happy with it?

Then it’s wrong Serendipity.

Sometimes young children will want to fit in to a step family, especially where the father is called Dad by his stepchildren, and will choose to call his wife/partner, Mum.

I don't think it matters as long as the child is happy. I had a arranged a playdate with a neighbour's little boy for my grandson when he visited recently and the child who came to play was happily talking about his "two Mums" which I found quite endearing and I thought what a well-adjusted little boy and well done to the parents.

I should add that he lives with his biological mother and her new partner, and the other "Mum" is his dad's new partner.

My step-children--adults now, called me by my Christian name but all their offspring call me nan.

Well if it’s been going on for years there’s not much you can do about it now So that’s it the child has two mums

Context is key on this one I think - if all parties are co-parenting well and there are no hurt feelings over it, then IMO it’s ok.
Also if it’s instigated by the child (regardless of hurt feelings) I’d say it’s ok.
Out with these scenarios I’d be v wary.

Thank you everyone for your posts ....

I would have been furious if I'd heard my dd calling ex's wife or partner 'mum' and would have taken steps to stop it.

If it happens naturally- then it's OK. If it is somehow imposed, then NO.

One of my best young friends is separated from the father of her 10 year old, and has a partner, now husband, of 2 years and a new baby. The daughter absolutely loves her step-dad and feels so wonderfully comfortable with him- and she sometimes calls him 'dad' - totally naturally. It would be wrong to correct her I feel.

I think it’s up to the child. I wouldn’t correct them but it could cause problems with child’s real mum. Incidentally I had a step mum who I called mum but my real mum had died when I was three.

I just don't like it personally. My sister would always call her husband's (now deceased) parents 'Mum' and 'Dad' and I found it really annoying.

Feels just plain wrong to me. My exH encouraged my DC to call their stepmother "mum" if they wanted to. They didn't, and called her by her Christian name instead.

Your sister called her in-laws Mum and Dad and you found it annoying?
Have I got that right?

Firstly, really it was none of your business and secondly why not?

The modern way seems to be to call your in-laws by their given name and that's fine but I did always call my MIL Mom.

This question came up on a daytime TV show last week - it must be in the news for some reason.

Personally, I think it is fine if the mum is dead, or entirely off the scene, but if not, no.

I would have resisted at all costs if my children had suggested calling someone else ‘mum’. I would probably have rationalised it and come up with some reason (it’s confusing, or whatever), but the truth would be that they are my children - only they have the right to call me ‘mum’, and I am the only person who should be called it. Jealousy? Maybe, but that is how I would have felt.

I think what a child calls you is immaterial.

What is important, is your relationship with your child. Strong loving bonds will survive everything. It doesn’t matter what your title is.

It never arose with my step children, they were already teenagers. I'm lucky we always hit it off, unfortunately one of them died. I am very close to my step daughter, we call each other by our first names of course, for a joke I sometimes sign cards to her with a from your wicked stepmother!

I don't think it's appropriate for step children to call a step mother, "mum" if the natural mother is still on the scene, but it depends on the context of the relationship I guess.

No way. The mum has full custody so is the main carer. Different if she wasn’t around. Christian name is fine.

Hetty58
It must be a generational thing. I always called my in-laws Mum and Dad. My husband calls my mother Mum.
All my friends did the same. My daughters in law call my husband and I by our given names.
Going back to the original post I don’t see any harm in children calling stepparents Mum and Dad. As long as the child is cared for why on earth should it matter? ?