Driving night time

OH is a qualified chauffeur with certificates to prove it but I can't bear to be in a car with him. He is always, in his mind taking a VIP to his urgently waiting helicopter. When I drive, he loves the relaxation and keeps quiet but I can't bear it.

It's very bad manners for anyone to tell you what to do when you're driving, such as "Take this road" or "Move on to that lane". All it does is make me nervous. As for putting the radio or heating on, I don't thing I'd give them a lift again. As it is, even with hearing aids I find it difficult to hear what people are saying with the noise of the car, so I'm usually quiet. My late husband used to read the paper or go to sleep when I was driving, which I took as a compliment.

I'm still happy to give lifts, but I won't drive on unlit country roads at night any more. I know my night vision is not what it was. Urban roads/motorways are OK.

I no longer drive long distances but 'let the train take the strain'. I also dislike driving on unlit roads. The local authority, in economy mode, has turned off the lighting between our small town and Macclesfield and there are activities I would like to join in Macc. It's the main road from Stockport to Macc and in my opinion takes far too much traffic for this economy to be worthwhile. It's far from being a straight road and the speed limit changes several times. Bad enough in daylight but lethal for me in the dark.

I understand the OP's predicament. I hate distracting chatter when driving and never use my phone or chatter when a passenger in someone elses car...unless they ask me a question.
Two of my children are such 'risky' drivers that I never get in their cars. By risky, I mean, answering the phone or driving too close to the vehicle in front...like really close then pulling out to overtake. Never again.
These are adults in their 30s with responsible jobs who, nevertheless, take chances with ME in the car.
Unforgivable. I don't even like loud music when driving in fact, I rarely have the radio on. I like to be aware of everything around me, visually AND aurally.
I like living.

I absolutely hate the Oracle one way system and the Magic Roundabout.

As a pedestrian as well as a driver I applaud all of you who recognise your limitations about conversation with passengers. On 2 occasions I have been nearly knocked down on pedestrian crossings. I was two thirds the way across a town centre crossing when 2 chatting old ladies drove straight through the red lights completely oblivious to their surroundings. On the 2nd occasion a car full of 4 old people chatting away drove across a clearly marked, highly visible pedestrian crossing just 1 metre in front of me when I was over halfway across the crossing. They didnt even notice what they had done and just carried on driving and chatting as I stood stock still and shocked in the middle of the road. All through my working life I used to tell people as they got into my car that I was not a talkative driver as I needed to concentrate. I now go into deaf mode and let them chat away to themselves. I thought it was just me until I read all your posts. Thanks everyone

I think I’d have to stop offering lifts Luckylegs. I don’t feel this way yet but I think I’ll start thinking up a few excuses for when I do! Your “friends” are not being fair.

Luckylegs I did go on a day coach trip last year to Whitby, I hadnt been since dh and I went. (bit of a poignant journey)

I was all set to go on my own, then my friend said she would go with me...but was quite ok going on my own (I could have sat in a corner and blubbed quietly)!

Anyway my friend came and we had a lovely day (I had recently managed to get a job and got paid)
We had fish and chips and I did have a lovely day I tried to enjoy the day and not spoil it with my friend.

Luckylegs not sure which area you are in but have you looked at day trips.

Llandudno is going to be harder for me as it was last little holiday there for us..hence I am moidering about that more cos I will have my mum n dad in car/ but I have to try it, as my mum wants to go, but she doesn't really know how hard it will be for me..I know I shall have a quiet little cry when I am alone. But I will try my best. I don't want to not travel about, especially as I worked and saved so hard for my little car. I know dh would be proud of me going about places on my own.

How about shopping around for a good instructor and having a run of lessons?

I don't know why we don't apply "lifelong learning" to driving? its a skill that needs refreshing, and some lessons and a refresher might boost your confidence

I rarely have passengers but when I do I don't have the radio on, I can't bear anyone fiddling with any controls, I wouldn't do it somebody else's car. I do a 300 mile journey twice a year to see DM, M5/M6, I hate Motorway driving but needs must. DM is a terrible passenger & treats me like a learner driver not someone whose had a license for 45 years (a clean one as well).

I don't drive at night unless I'm visiting DM, I can cope with country roads but not car lights on Motorways/Dual Carriageways.

My phone is in my handbag where I can't hear it

I really don't like driving in the dark especially if it is on an unfamiliar road. I avoid it at all costs. I don't mind driving people but if I am not sure where I am going and have to watch out for signs or worse still city driving, I ask my passengers to not talk so I can concentrate and get us all there safely. No one has taken offense yet.

Thanks for raising this as I have never wanted to drive as I love being driven, look out of the window, sing to the radio, snooze etc... and hadn't realised this was such an issue for drivers! I have the attention span of a gnat, talk too much in or out of a car. So this has horrified me and I'll be a better passenger from now on. Mind you DH may think I've died not hearing me prattle. Lilting Lyrics you've taught me something today about mind processes, and Lucky Legs how rude of your 'friends'. Be resolute as others have advised and honest. 'Unless you fancy us crashing can you not talk to me while I drive as I cant concentrate?' as they get in should work, (I would have shut up years ago if someone had mentioned it) in this case one of my fav expressions of the moment and most appropriate in this case is if they take umbrage they can literally 'jog on!'......

I love driving when it's me and the stereo on a fast road, not so keen on passengers especially if their hands rove in the direction of the stereo, I tell them to stop or I'll sing along to the music and that puts just about everyone off. I even like driving in central London because I've always done it, it's a challenge to my driving skills and I like a challenge. I can manage to concentrate on driving and chatting, I'm a natural multi-tasker but people disrespecting my car by clouting the door or expecting me to give them lifts would get an ear bashing so it doesn't happen. Time to stand up for yourself OP and only do what you want to do, you're nobodies go-for.

I can’t say I LOVE driving, but I am happy to drive on familiar routes when it is not too busy. Occasionally I might do a longer, less familiar journey and, as long as the weather is good, I actually find I am enjoying it. I feel really proud of myself for mastering the route ( no satnav) and I realise I am actually a good driver.
I don’t ever drive through a strange city, and rarely have passengers, though I don’t mind if it is a familiar journey.
I find I just go quiet if I am concentrating hard, and usually my passengers realise. One occasion though, I must have been feeling tense because I said Shut up! to my mother in law! I think she realised why. It just came out, I did not mean to be rude. She never mentioned it again.