Not to want to host a meal for family on my birthday

In the event, we had a nice meal with DS2 and gf, they had been for romantic meal the night before. We made it her celebration, my birthday not mentioned. She was very appreciative, as her family are abroad and she is not used to big family gatherings. DH and I went away to the Lake District for a couple of days on my actual birthday and we had a lovely time. I got loads of birthday messages, cards and presents when we got home. Perfect.

Success all round suzied! The power of NO.

BlackeyedSusan some birthday treat.

Carring is sharing except birthdays....those are for the individual

Gets a bit hard with twins in our family but even then both are celebrated kinda separate (own balloons and parties)

Does anyone else look back and think, 'Hang on a minute, it was always me that made a fuss of DM/MIL when our DC were small - how come it's STILL me making a fuss of DC & their partners..? ' Likewise, when either set of parents visited us & stayed the night, we always gave them our bed & kipped down on the floor - young bones and all that - but when we visit our DC, we're STILL kipping on the floor (& my knees and hips are not happy now...)

Yes Ive come late to this thread, but I am always the one to cook, so I think it really is time I declined and went out instead.

My MIL is always invited to ours for Christmas, and a few years ago after a good long snooze after her lunch she said to me "it's so lovely to be cooked for after all those years of cooking, I'm so glad I don't have to do any of that any more!" well that made me fell appreciated, and I was also surprised, as up until then I had thought that she was one of those rare birds who actually enjoyed the process, so maybe a similar comment along those lines will let everyone know how you feel, I think my DS & DD now realise that although I am quite willing to do it for the most part, I do also really love it when they take over and do it for me, my DD invites us all to hers, or my DS comes to mine and does the cooking occasionally as his house isn't really big enough for all of us (and he is a very good cook!), When I first made it clear that I felt that it was unfair that I always did it, they seemed a bit put out, and I got the "but we thought you loved doing it" cry of despair, but once they got their heads around the idea of doing it occasionally it has all worked out very nicely!

My two DSs and my DiLs are wonderful and possibly unique, judging by some of the comments on this thread.They spoil me for my birthday and Christmas and both are excellent cooks. I am such a lucky mum and granny.

Interesting thread tho I haven't read it all.
I took a rather extreme avoidance technique for my birthday on the 30th. Booked a cruise and we will be in the Azores on said day. Both my girls were very surprised. The pre birthday query is usually " what are we doing for your /dad's birthday, I.e. Are we coming to yours or is it a pub lunch? I usually end up doing "C" too but made it clear that last year was the last one. I do feel guilty though, wish I didn't. I'd be happy to spend 25th with DH with a bottle of fizz, spagbol and a lovely knee- friendly walk. Then I think of the GC and that I'd miss them. Nobody in the family has mentioned the C word yet but I am assuming someone will step up later on. I am tutoring myself to say No for things I don't want to do, even with a smile, but it's not easy. I'm getting old, I've got arthritis, various other things, DH many other things, and I no longer enjoy organising events. Presents this year are to be theatre tickets and posh afternoon tea. I'm trying to de clutter so don't need " things". Well done Susie on making the right decision and thank you to posters who have encouraged the No word. A slight digression, people think I'm younger, and yesterday an old school friend said if she didn't know me shed put me at late 50s so I suppose DDs still think I'm young !

Well said Anya. As women we are frequently expected to justify the reasons we refuse to do something.