Why do I have such a DIL?

They're behind us - 5 hours on east coast to about 9/10 hours on the west coast, so it's lunchtime or afternoon there now. USA child protecton services are world leaders and would react rapidly to a complaint about a child's teeth being removed by pliers. That urgent phone call is more important than a grandparent's contact and needs doing now, if it hasn't already been done.

It costs money to go to the dentist in the US . Probably why the tooth pulling was home done. Health care in the US is money driven . Rural areas often don't have any doctors or dentists on hand. Mind you not been to any conferences in the US for a while. But it is slow to change.

48million without health care which I suppose isn't a lot but if the DIL didn't want a boy she might not have him covered for dentistry. Notoriously expensive in the US.

From the earlier post about the dentist:

'the teeth pulling was prior to starting Kindergarten-happened last month. His mother had just taken him to the dentist and so no new visit coming up.'

Seems the child has visited the dentist. Perhaps informing the dentist that the relative has since removed teeth with pliers will result in some support from police and child protection services, too.

Msmac I am totally appalled, as no doubt you are, that your dear grandson has had to endure his teeth being pulled out by pliers and been beaten by his grandfather. This is blatant child abuse and needs to be reported before worse happens. You will see your grandson again but the price you may have to pay in the meantime, in order to protect him, is that he may have to be taken to a place of safety. All it takes for evil to prosper is for good men to do nothing. I am horrified. Please be brave and strong for his sake. He will thank you.

Maybe Gransnet HQ should be reporting it. There must be ways of tracing where a post has come from.

Is this a possibility? If only it could be?

They can't do that every time there's a post about possible or suspected child abuse. Especially not when it's happened in another country.

Plus, it could deter posters from asking for advice in case they get 'reported'.

I'm as concerned as everyone else about the boy in this sad story - just being realistic.

That's how it must be, of course. Complete anonymity. I wonder if the OP has consulted other forums for advice?

I was wondering, too, why she chose this site. Surely they must have similar chat forums in the US?

She asked what to do, and she was given the right advice by many people - contact the appropriate authorities. She was even given the contacts to report it. If she can find this forum to post to, she can report this to the phone numbers of the local state Child Protection Services on the list.

There is also the possibility (I am saying this carefully so as not to give offence, but let us be realistic) that she was seeing more than was actually happening, for one reason or another.

I don't think GN, or any of us, can do any more. She does not give any clue to where in the US she lives. GN may be able to match her PC to one which was used by another poster, but they cannot find her name and address. If they could, any organisation could find any name and address from our posts, and trace any one of us.

If we all have to give our email address to register it is possible that these could be used to trace a poster but given the general confidentiality rules that would be unethical.

However these restrictions on confidentiality can lifted where there are allegations of serious crime.

Hi
It is not always easy to get Social Services to take appropriate action. I spent 4.5 years telling them about my eldest 2 DGC. They just would not listen until there was nearly a fatality. When I ask why I was not listened to they turned on me and made out I was a pest. They also claimed that I was glad when it was proved that my DGC had been in danger. I am now in the position of not having any faith in those whose job it is to take action when children are in trouble.
Sugarpufffairy

for your Sugarpuffairy. I should be shocked by your post but I'm not because how many times do we hear on the news about some poor helpless child who eventually dies at the hands of their abusers because all of the people who should have seen what was happening failed to act.

I expect you were glad that your fears were proved as I'm assuming that this removed your DGC from the danger they were facing.

I hope the original poster msmac reads your post I'm sure she will be comforted by the knowledge that she is not the only one being ignored; it may also give her hope that things will be sorted eventually.

I hope that your DGC are now safe and receiving the love and care they deserve.

Pulling a 5yeear olds teeth out with pliers is abuse. Tell social services or nspcc

I do not feel the need to defend myself but I do feel the need to explain some items. I have contacted every place that I could, no one will do anything-yes, hard to believe but it is true. I am just a grandmother calling with hear say information. I have no proof other than the 5 year old telling me about the teeth pulling and my son saying it was true. Now, with that said. My son has no intention of turning on his father-in-law and the 5 year old will not tattle to an unknown authority figure if "mommy" tells him not to.
You all meant well, but do not seem to understand how it works here. If the police, social services etc were to approach my son and dil without actual proof, then they (the police) are violating the parents rights and they could be sued. It is a dangerous game being played here. The child is the one that suffers.
I picked this forum because people seemed to care, a lot here yes, some not so much. I did not even realize it was in the UK.
I do appreciate all the advice and like I said I have his teacher watching him and others
...if anything happens then I have another person and more proof that the authorities should not be able to argue with.
If anyone on here thinks that this is easy for me, you are sadly mistaken.
I wish I could just make something happen, but I can't. No one can will something to happen. I am sure everyone knows of something they wish they could change but are powerless to do so.
And, I am real. I did not make anything up.
I want to thank all that were helpful. May your troubles ease and your lives become better.

I almost posted that I am glad that you did not make it up - but then I realised that would mean that I am glad that the boy has been ill-treated, and of course I am not!

Have you contacted your state Child Protection Agency? At least they would know that a concern has been raised, and would be on the alert for any more trouble.

Yes, I have and the police. Child and youth services here and no one will take action until an actual documented harm has befallen the child.

A lot of agencies have "record" of me calling and reporting, but are unable to act at this time, so they say. So, I wait and try to get more.
Thanks for answering.

msmac your point about the authorities not approaching the child without proof, as they would be violating the parents' rights has been conveyed to you in an uninformed way. Yes, police who wrongfully arrest are personally liable - it is the same in both UK and USA. However, fair reason to investigate is not wrongful. (I've just checked with a child protection officer who trains professionals who work in child protection across many states and in the UK.

Here is the relevant passage from your national guidelines for child protection officers in the USA:

'In some jurisdictions law enforcement may be called upon by child protective services to investigate allegations of child abuse, to officially place a child in emergency protective custody, or to assist with such placement. Officers in such situations need to know the laws in their State. Failure to understand their legally mandated roles and responsibilities could result in:
✹ A child being left in a dangerous situation.
✹ A child being removed illegally.
✹ The officer and the department being placed in a situation of civil liability.
However, if a mistake is to be made, it is better to err in the attempt to safeguard the physical well-being of the child.'

To reiterate, it is not wrongful to investigate an allegation of child abuse, and the physical well-being of the child is paramount. Exactly the same in both countries. It is wrongful to fail to protect a child by ignoring complaints to the authorities.

I totally agree. I have called and talked to different people. Not one person will agree to go and at least check the home. I don't know what to say, I am so thankful that you are giving me information, but without the co-operation from the correct people, what can I do?
I originally wrote on here because my dil won't let my hubby and I see the gc/only saw the new baby once-for 5 minutes. yes, we went to hospital after someone else told us about the birth, her family was there and we were not well received.
She uses the our five year old gs as a pawn, now you can see him, now you can't. I am coping as best as I can.
As for the other subject, I do not want o continue with it, as I can not get any help here, no matter what the law says, someone tells you is the correct way...they just won't do anything. I have set other plans in motion, I am not just lying down and forgetting it. Also, last time I posted, someone, I think reported me-I got a official looking post stating not to talk about it and wishing me well.
So, I guess I won't do that.

Mrsmac...my heart aches for you.
I wish you some sort of peace.

Thank you very much.

Who was the post from, asking you not to talk about it?

msmac I assume that all the reports that have been made were verbal rather than written. Would it help - and would you be willing - to write a letter to the various agencies - police, child protection, etc. - detailing what your gs has told you and asking that the matter be investigated?

What do other Gransnetters think? Details of a phone call can be ignored or "lost" but if a person sends a letter by recorded delivery (I assume there is something similar in the US) and keeps a copy of the letter/letters and evidence that it had been sent, the authorities will know that there is a record that msmac had passed her concerns to them - and I suspect they will want to demonstrate that they have investigated the matter properly.

I do hope you can get some help and action on this. Are there any US charities that could assist with support and legal advice?