Yes I am being unreasonable and I know it....

Did anyone used to watch 'Spaced' [bad grammar that, I think but it's been a long day]? They used to have scenes where someone would say something but then they would show what that person was really thinking/wanting to say [I'm not explaining this very well, am I?]. Well, that's what happens in these situations, isn't it. I'm planning to watch all of Woody Allens films to make sense of everything/some things or just a tiny fragment of things. And I'll rewatch Spaced as well.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXj9muy2gM4

..not an example of what I was rambling about, just an example of Spaced...

loved it all. Am just starting on the trail. My son has a three year old and and is single and a daughter a career woman and loves her week in Cornwall with us. So I can see forewarned is forearmed. Ginbins

Storynanny I have 2 DDs, one who has my DGDs and I can assure you it makes no difference whether you have DDs or DSs - the problems are the same! My SiL are both great lads but their parents manage to see more of my DDs than I do even tho' they live miles away - both have VERY demanding mothers ............................... (at this stage, least said by me, soonest mended - but I do get cross and upset on occasion!)

Understandable mrshat. My problem is that my DD sees more of her friend's family than her own. I don't think I'd mind quite so much if it was
her in-laws. At least they are family. I don't even know the people concerned.

Tomorrow, I shall get 2 buses each way (or 1 bus and walk the rest, which will be much better for me!) to the other side of the town to see my 13-year-old DGD. I haven't seen her for about 3 months, although her other grandmother, who lives the same distance away from her as I do, (though in a different direction) sees her 3 or 4 times a week. If I don't make this effort to go and see her, to give her the book that I won on here, I don't know when I'll see her. It's just how it is, and I don't know why.

Is there any way you could persuade her to come to see you Marelli? Perhaps offer her some pocket money, on the understanding she comes to collect it. (Yes, I know it's bribery! Any port in a storm)

j08 - been there, done that, ended up having to give her mum the pocket money I'd saved for her, and didn't even get a thank you from the wee madam! No - it's not really a major issue, because I can go and see her, and that's more than a lot of us on here can do (crikey - she might even be at her other grandma's when I get there )! I think I'm not bossy enough! Other grandmother is quite 'forceful', really .

Get more bossy, Marelli. Doormats get feet wiped on them.

When DD and the two children were here recently, I am afraid I treated DGD just as I would have treated her mother and siblings when she did the little madam flounce that works wonders at home or with the other granny.

When she answered back rudely and screamed at her mother and me, I asked her whether she spoke to her teacher like that - answer, no she didn't. So I pointed out that she should not speak to us that way either. Good as gold for the rest of the day. It didn't last, of course, nothing is permanent and you have to keep applying the treatment.

And it did not seem to put her off me - I got lots of cuddles and when they were leaving she seemed quite upset to be going away.

I am reflecting on my role as Nana now. Am I too dominating, do I prevent other grandmother seeing her DGSs? Hmm..will think about it as i only have daughters and we are close..but close to SiLs too!

Elegran, I wonder if we share DGD's?

She reminds me of the little girl with the little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she is good she is delightful. When she gets into a strop she flays the ears of anyone within earshot.

I found a poem she had written soon after she was shot down in flames - quite a good one for ten, actually, proper rhymes and metre. Her mother used to write poems full of angst, but that was in her teens. Apparently no-one ever listens to her because she is the littlest. I remember being the oldest and no-one ever listened to me either - I was expected to behave so as to set an example, and not throw tantrums if I did not get my own way, because my brother was "only little". A pity there wasn't one younger than her, so that she could have a taste of how self-centred the littlest ones are. (Then she would complain that the youngest got all the attention and no-one listens to her because she is in the middle)

I do believe that if one only has daughters , the very nature of the beast is that one becomes more dominating , and dare I say it , a "know all "

I am not so sure. some of the most domineering people I have known have had a clutch of sons to keep in order. Also some of the most manipulative and conniving - feminine wiles in action.

I had a boy and two girls. I don't dominate any of them - they make their own decisions and have done since they were in their teens - but I never stood for anyone screaming and whinging. I didn't scream and whinge at them either, that may have helped to keep everyone on good terms with each other.

I also had a boy and two girls and they all have very different characters. I don't dominate any of them, either - heaven forfend that I should even try! Maybe it's in my favour that they don't allow me to do this (have I allowed them to grow into strong and independent adults?) whereas my SiL and his siblings are rather dominated by their mother.

All mine are still good friends, which pleases me a lot. So many families have tensions which pull them apart. They all get on with one another's partners too. All six (children and partners) have very different personalities and the two families of grandchildren have been brought up differently - but all the children are becoming really nice people (most of the time!) I do enjoy it when the whole family is in my house. That does not happen very often because of distance, but whenever possible we all get together.

My lot are similar in that respect, Elegran. My son and one of his sisters are really close, and my eldest daughter is also very close to that sister. My son and my eldest daughter get on ok but aren't really close. They all rub along very well, though.

I think our own experiences with our parents influences our behaviour as grandparents. I found my parents' support invaluable and because my in laws were a lot older my DDs spent more time with my parents. My DH's parents were involved in their lives too and were close but did not do the looking after.

My DD1 MiL is a long term acquaintance / friend ..we were neighbours when kids were small. She never saw her own parents. When she divorced and remarried she and new DH built up a life that even my SiL would say was introspective! They are very involved in their relationship and extended family, whilst loved, does not appear to be a priority and very much has to fit round them and their commitments. That is not a criticism just a fact. She loves the boys but does not appear to want to be more involved than she is.

My other DDs MiL has only just got to know her GDs. She ignored them for the first 7 years!

I have two DD" s & one Son , all of which I love to bits !!

I think there's no doubt we all love our off-spring nonu but sometimes they don't behave as we would wish!!

Some people just seem to fall into an easy relationship with their adult children and become friends. (and I'm sure that can sometimes mean the ILs on the other side are pushed out a bit)
Some mothers manage to retain dominance of their brood in adulthood, I can think of one who imposes her will on the son who runs the family business. Not pleasant to watch though. Emotional blackmail. ugh.
Others get bullied or manipulated by their grown up offspring.
Others get given the cold shoulder and keep their parents at a distance - to varying degrees, as we know on GN.
Some are dependent on their adult offspring for reasons no fault of their own.
Others have somewhat challenging relationships, with ups, downs and some tensions and change over time and I think I fall into that category.

In all of your examples, I think I can recognise someone, JessM. It must just be the way of things, and how we cope with it might depend on the type of relationship we had with our own parents.

I guess it depends marelli on the patterns that have been established over the decades, and what kind of personalities the individuals have.