When and how to tell friends and family that son is divorcing

I think you just mention it when people ask after the children. When I see friends I usually ask how the children are getting on, as they do me. When my godson's marriage broke up, that is how I was told. I asked how H&J and the children were and my friend, just said, 'they have separated. These things are rarely a surprise, and I knew the marriage had been struggling for some years.

It was the same when friends separated. I cannot think of one break-up that was a surprise.

It may be best to tell the family before the news ' gets round'. People should be understanding. Then tell friends as and when you feel it appropriate.

A very sad time for you and obviously a shock. We all want our children and grandchildren to be happy but they obviously think it's for the best.

I would just follow the lead of what they wanted people to know.. I wouldn’t go into detail. It’s their business after all. Sorry to hear this always very sad.

If your son moves in with you, others will soon notice and pick up it’s just him and not the whole family visiting, so if anyone comments on that, I would just say sadly they’ve separated and that’s why. No need to go into detail unless they are very close to you.

Always sad but so common that it’s only big to those it’s happening to and immediate family around You don’t have to tell anyone unless they ask, like any piece of news you choose how much you say and to whom
If your daughter in law is lovely you ll still have your same relationship with her and your grandchild and how lucky they are staying nearby to you
The wound will heal
They sound as if they are handling it well and it’s a mutual need to part

Sorry to hear off the situation. Tis sad when any relationship ends. The news isn't really yours to tell. Leave it to the couple. If you are put in a situation where you have to say something. Just tell people things didn't work out but you don't know why. This will stop the nosey folk in their tracks.

I know it is very hard. My son and DIL were off and on for a few years. I didn't let info out unless someone asked, and then say they had separated and we were doing our best to support them. By all means take the lead from them; perhaps ask your son if it is ok to say something to close friends and family.

If it were me in your situation and my friends asked me how your son and dil are, I would simply say things were not good and they had decided to end the marriage. I don't think you are breaking a confidence. As for telling the family then I think it is up to your son and dil to do that.

Well it’s what used to be called a white lie,
a little white lie is about preservation ,you are not withholding vital or criminal information, you are choosing to delay divulging personal circumstances to all & sundry.

Better say "my dd is well, thanks for asking".

I agree that following their lead - that is, telling people if and when they’ed like us to do so - is advisable. I just find it difficult to say that things are fine when we get together with friends who always ask how our son and DIL and GS are. We had to disclose bad news a few times in the past year - son’s residential placement for clinical depression in 2017, husband’s Stage 4 lung cancer in 2018, etc. I feel it’s too soon after their decision to ask them if and when they want folks to know. It’s just hard for me to “lie” and say everything is fine while this is happening.

May i ask why would you tell your family and close friends?

I wouldnt mention it unless it is asked and even then, I would just say "unfortunately it didn't work out" and change the subject.

Sorry to read of your sadness, perhaps telephone close family & friends & tell others as & when you see them.
The sadness’s will pass as the new norm settles in .
You May need to suggest time limits, future plans etc ,but it generally all sorts it’s self out . best wishes . Big hugs

I’m really sorry to hear that and I hope things become a bit easier in the coming months for you all as you adjust to your new normal. Divorce is never an easy option and they must have been unhappy for a long time, but it’s good that it’s mutual and they envisage shared care. Have you asked them how they would like to tell your family? I’d suggest taking the lead from them. As for your friends, I’d just tell them as and when you see them - they’ll understand it’s a difficult tome and Im sure wouldn’t want you to feel pressured into making a formal announcement.

I’m sorry to hear this Nanamar, so sad for all concerned. Maybe best to let the couple decide when and whom they tell regarding this difficult decision. They last thing you want is to be accused of gossiping about something that is so personal to them, and you really need to keep your daughter in law on friendly terms with you, especially as she’s the one who will be responsible for the day to day main care of your grandson, do not give her any reason to break ties with you and create a difficult situation with your little grandson.