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special days cause so much trouble

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Elegran Thu 12-Mar-15 15:48:56

Ignore her and get on with life with DD and DGD. If she wants to feel jealous, that is her problem, don't be nasty to her but don't rearrange your own lives to suit her either.

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etheltbags1 Thu 12-Mar-15 15:41:55

soontobe, the answer is no. We cant understand her, she has a good job is in her late 50s and her husband is well paid, they have lots of disposable income, holidays, 2 cars,a home that is full of lovely stuff but she seems discontented. If DD or myself buys something and tell her, she buys one herself, she buys designer stuff by the dozen and dresses like a teenager. She drinks like a fish and has been known to fight in bars.
She never seems to be happy, when she has dGD she buys her stuff that she doesn't need, fills her full of sweets despite being asked by DD and partner not to. I could go on forever.

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soontobe Thu 12-Mar-15 15:36:34

Oh boy.

Before I answer, is your DDs mil happy in life generally, and is just a pain with this sort of thing?

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tanith Thu 12-Mar-15 15:30:29

I wouldn't be part of the other MIL's competition, I would just call in as and when it suited me and my DD, why worry what the MIL thinks?

Refuse to be drawn into it why should you feel bad at visiting/babysitting your own family. If she doesn't like it then that's her problem. Sorry but I don't 'play games', about who did what and when and for how long, life is too short.

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Soutra Thu 12-Mar-15 15:27:07

Oh the emotional baggage that comes with Christmas/Easter/Mothering Sunday.
There is no easy answer other than alternating, designating a Sunday or weekend just before or just after or (simplest all round) declaring "a plague on both your houses" and going away.
Some people count the "turns" and make themeslves and others miserable, others go with the flow.
In this case could you have a "Mothering Saturday" with your DD?

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etheltbags1 Thu 12-Mar-15 15:10:06

Mothers day is looming and in our family that brings trouble.
DD has been asked to go to her MIL and they are having a family party with lots of relatives, to celebrate mothers day. She wants to visit me with DGD, they want DGD too.so there will be bitching and falling out. Last year dd visited me first and on the way back called at the in laws and they got a lecture about visiting them last.
It is the same with xmas, so last year DD said she would not go to anyones house and just stay at home. She allowed me to visit in the morning to see DGD open some presents and she kept some to open later when MIL called.
She tries to keep us exactly the same but her MIL is so bitchy, DD is becoming sick of special days.
We have Easter looming and with 4 days of celebration her MIL will be counting the hours I see DGd and wanting more than me. It is a competition.
Im ok with the MIL seeing DGD more than me, it is inevitable that some times she will see her more and other times I will see her more.

I had the same problem with my MIL who used to invite me as early as possible before my mother invited us, I used to feel bad as my mother is alone and always used to give her priority but that caused trouble until my MIL used to invite my mother too.

Why do families fight like this.I had hoped that DDs MIL would be my friend and we could visit each other but she has no friends, just her family.
If I babysit I have to sneak out after dark with DGD in case the other gran sees me and she wants to know why I have her.(she lives nearby).
Any comments

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