im too old fashioned

I m totally with FlickityB on this one
I totally agree there shouldn't be alcohol at a one year olds party or a 2,3,4,5......... but that should be your daughter decision not either grandma's she shouldn't have two parties she should accommodate you both at the one,- by having two she is pandering to 'common gran'

Don't change Cactus you stay the proper granny and let old sparkly pants get on with getting drunk preferable not at the party

I suggest reading the wonderful Katie Morag & the Two Grandmothers by Mairi Hedderwick

I suspect your daughter has a hard time with this other Grandma , cactus and worries about it would spoil the day for her.However, you are her Mother and really should be there.What happens to all the other parties in the years to come?Speaking personally, I don't like children's parties, perhaps when your DGD is a bit older she should be asked who she would like at her party, and maybe will say cactus grandma and NOT sparkleboots Grandma, who knows? Or maybe this 1st party will be the only one with relatives, and next year and other years will just be for children only [much better!]Try not to be sad about it, because ;
{a.} your DGD is only 1 year old at the moment and {b} you may hate the party anyway. However I do understand your annoyance, and hurt.

cactus; she wants to come and see you and have a cuppa because she wants to be with you without being coerced into it. Parties are for the parents to arrange, not the grandparents. I think the other grandmother is totally out of order and is doing it for herself, not the child [who'll probably sleep through it anyway]. Maybe it's a good thing that her grandmas are so different.

Petra ,

Everyone is assuming that the ' younger' Nana is going to get blathered at the DGD party. You don't know this to be a fact. Your assuming this because, good lord, she wears high heel boots and has studs.

Well if this woman, who likes getting drunk, dressed in high boots and sparkles and, I assume an older face than what you'd expect with that decription - well if that is not common then I don't know what is.
I think the idea of party for a one year old with booze flowing is not my idea of a good celebration.

DD1 sat in her high chair eating a cream cracker and DD2 had her first go at eating her semolina pudding with a spoon all by herself, with her new plate and spoon. What innocent days those were and really lovely to remember.
They were birthday parties for CHILDREN.

I think your daughter should have invited you too. However you will have plenty of opportunity to spend time with your gd in the manner you like.

I can't see why parties for tiny children are necessary. If parties are not your thing, then there are plenty of things you can do which suit you better.

You are not old-fashioned!

Now who's being holier-than-thou Absent? Stop trying to cause ructions

Absent It was a comment on this description in the OP:
" she dresses like a teenager, lots of make up, high boots, lots of studs and sparkles, she also boasts that she drinks lots of alcohol and gets drunk frequently"

The comment was that this sounded common - that's hardly a nasty personal insult, merely an observation on what the OP had written.

I, for one, wasn't referring to the grandparent in the OP. Get off your high horse, absent.

A complete stranger described by another complete stranger is hardly grounds for such nasty personal insults. I hope the grandparent who is the target of these high minded and holier-than-thou attitudes isn't a member of Gransnet.

ANA BIG

Definitely never meant to be complimentary! The nearest current day equivalent is probably 'chavvy'.

Well Margaret with my mother, someone was always 'common as muck' so not very complimentary
One of those words which is rather hard to define, but often very tempting to apply!

janeainsworth Was that brave? Remember we had a post on being 'common' and I grew up with it as according to my mother We weren't common! It is such a useful word.

Sorry, I think your daughter was wrong, you should have been included in the party no matter what the other grandmother does. Your daughter should have simply said 'as it is DS/DDs first birthday I think it would be nice to have both grandmothers there' and stood firm. Why should saying this cause an argument? You choose to dress the way you do and the other grandmother dresses the way she does. Ditto over drinking alcohol. Your daughter should never feel ashamed of you just because you refuse to conform with her husband's family.

If you sat there like death's head at the feast looking disapprovingly at the other grandma and the alcohol and spreading doom and gloom she might have a point, but you do not give the impression that you do. If you drink lemonade or water (sparkling or not) who is to know whether there is gin or vodka in it or not.

I think your daughter probably suggested the cuppa because she thinks it's something you would prefer. I really wouldn't worry about the first party - it all goes right over the head of a one year old anyway. I would just enjoy being different, it will be good for your grandchild to realise that everyone is different.

Or do mean old fashioned ?
giggle

Sounds so delightfully "Old School"!!

KATY , I do too, don"t know why ?

I usually went south for their early birthdays. These were far more for the adults than for the children who really didn't understand what was going on. A parent has to stay and be entertained because they can't leave a baby or small toddler at a party unaccompanied. Later parties are, rightly, about the children and their friends. Some of them have now given up parties and are happy to be taken out for a meal with friends. You really aren't missing very much, cactus60. In fact, just count your blessings that you live close enough to them to be able to have them round for tea. Wish I could.

Quite Jane

I don't know why but I LOVE the word 'common'. It conjures up such a picture !

MargaretX I suspect you were not the only one who thought that, but the only one brave enough to write it