Sexual harassment by men to women

From what little I know, I would say that your points 1 2 and 3 are a maybe.

Point 4, I dont think any man cannot control himself, if he really wanted to. In my opinion.

How to know? - I think some men do give red flags. Not all.
Some red flags being
Invading personal space
Crude jokes
General behaviour such as thinking it is fine to talk about women in general degrading terms.

That list may not mean they do go on to harass women.
But I do think some of those behaviours indicate their personal boundaries are not where they should be.

I work with someone at the moment who is rubbish at personal space. I notice its not gendered though.

I dont know how helpful it is to say this is what you should look out for as behaviours vary so much.

OnwardandUpward

I work with someone at the moment who is rubbish at personal space. I notice its not gendered though.

I know someone who is bad at personal space.
But from what I know, he is of no threat to anyone that I have ever heard of.

I heard my boss referring to a man who "cannot" control himself around a woman so cannot be alone with that woman. I must admit, I've always thought that men could control themselves if they wanted to.

It’s certainly not hate, if you want call it “animal instinct”compare it with a dog, he sniffs another dog, a male probably won’t react, a bitch will snap at him sometimes very aggressively he will back off.

Before anyone says animals don’t commit rape, oh yes they do a group of young males can get very sexually aggressive.

He’s a sleazy selfish scumbag out for his own gratification.

Rather than " hate", I should have written "incel" perhaps.

True about animals. But I'd have thought men could behave, if they want to.

Imo power

I hesitate to step in here, but I think there is one category missing from OP's original list: delusional males who like to think they are God's gift to women, and tell themselves, when turned down, that that is the woman's loss, not his. Not my type, I hasten to add!

I don’t know the answer but I have had problems in the pass and I have been witness.
Men used (but it still happens) be brought up to think they are superior, it’s theirs for the taking, young and old.

Thanks @Grumpaa Ahh not my type either!!

Do you think we should add "Delusional men" who think women enjoy it or think they are flirting???

So it could be just opportunity Monica? Just them thinking "she won't tell anyone and if she does, I'll say she made a pass at me first" type of thing? I'm sure there are men who victim blame. Its just important the rest of us don't. Saying that a man cant control his urges seems to be part of the problem, t me.

Lack of self-awareness? Inability to recognise that their “enthusiasm” isn’t reciprocated and is therefore inappropriate?

I think grumppa has hit the nail on the head. It’s not a problem I had with professional colleagues, but some clients had to be told that I wasn’t interested. Just ignore them OP and don’t try to analyse their motives - if you’re not interested, you’re not interested, end of.

Oh yes, maybe lack of self awareness is a good one. Do we really think there are men who think its welcome or ok to touch a woman without permission or encouragement? Mind you, perhaps a smile is considered "encouragement!"

It doesn't bother me massively, but a colleague the other day - I said I wouldn't want more than a hug, then he touched my bum. I havent said anything as hes away now but its playing on my mind how he could go from a hug to a touch on the bum??

What sort of place do you work in?

OnwardandUpward

Oh yes, maybe lack of self awareness is a good one. Do we really think there are men who think its welcome or ok to touch a woman without permission or encouragement? Mind you, perhaps a smile is considered "encouragement!"

It doesn't bother me massively, but a colleague the other day - I said I wouldn't want more than a hug, then he touched my bum. I havent said anything as hes away now but its playing on my mind how he could go from a hug to a touch on the bum??

So out of the blue you said i wouldn’t want more than a hug
There must have been some sort of flirting going on before that statement 🤷‍♀️
Do your work colleagues know about your marriage problems.
It sounds as if they do and he’s made a move. And in your own words it doesn’t bother me massively
If it doesn’t bother you too much why are you asking for help.

why would there be any hugging colleagues ?
personally, i think you should report the indecent assault to the manager.

Everyone hugs in my job, it's emotional.

I feel blamed and judged by these assumptions and people jumping to conclusions and no I have not discussed my shamefully lacking marriage with my colleagues, the shame!!!

I think the manager might know actually but I am trying to move on without discussing my feelings at work. Im a pretty remote and private person there.

I experienced sexual harassment by both males and a female when I was younger. First time working in an office with an older female who had difficulty accepting that I wasn't remotely interested in a woman making passes at me.
A few years later working mainly with men who assumed a female was supposed to be flattered by their attention. Older men were worse and because they had supervisory positions could become rather nasty if told to back off.

OnwardandUpward

In my past and present working life I've been harassed a fair bit and realised I want to understand WHY to move on. Its not currently happening, but I wanted to ask what GN thinks:

What makes a man sexually harass a woman?
Is it he desires her but feels the only female contact he can have is if he takes it?
Or he hates women and longs to punish?
Or does he hate himself and think women hate him?
Or he's overcome with uncontrolled passion? Or what???

Is there some kind of way to know someone is a predator before they strike?

I've no idea.

I run away. I'm not one to stay in a bad situation, no matter the reasons. Explain why fleeing sexual harassment is not an option?

I'd run - not I run.

Of course men can control their sexual behaviour.
There are acceptable hugs and totally unacceptable hugs/touches. It isn’t very complicated. We set our personal boundaries. If a man oversteps, we make it clear we don’t welcome it and will complain loudly
Sexual harassment is never ok

Weird. I have no idea why everyone hugs in your job. Perhaps you should consider changing it.

Why do you think your manager might know about your marriage - how could they if you haven’t talked about it?