Grieving for my Mother

Very interesting Ganja thanks for posting.

I identify with a lot of what Sophie writes, my mother too died of metastatic cancer, I too felt a physical wrench - not when she died, but when she told me that her cancer was terminal (which was the first time also that I was told she had cancer). I put the phone down, and doubled over as if I had been punched in the solar plexus, I collapsed, and my young daughter who was there helped me up.

I wasn't with my mother when she drew her last breath, truth be told, like Sophie, I wasn't sure I could bear it, and I bolted. I'm not ashamed of that, I was a young woman and I was terrified. My older sister was with my mother when she died peacefully.

Since reading this, I've been sort of going over the time that my mom died, also because it would have been her birthday this past weekend.

Then I remembered that we had bought my mom 2 new nighties days before she died, and how my sister had told me that once my mother had been laid out, my sister had taken the nightie my mom had on when she died, and was wearing it (having washed it of course). I was quite shocked, saying "How creepy, how can you do that etc". And I remember her replying drily "Well, it was only worn once" and also saying that it made her feel close to my mom.

Death is indeed part of life.

What a moving account Ganja.

'grannyknot' my friend has been wearing her son's pyjamas, and leggings he wore because while he had cancer he felt the cold. She too says it helps her to feel closer to him.

I enjoyed the article when I read it in print recently, thank you I have just read it again. I have metastatic cancer, was diagnosed with it at 44 and still living, not dying yet, I hope my family see me as living, eleven years later. My own Mother died in 2008, of cancer and at just seventy years old, she had only been diagnosed ten days earlier. Myself, my sister and brother were all with her when she died. My sister wears Mum's clothes all the time. Death is part of the circle of life we have sadly become somewhat removed from. Not so long ago most neighbourhoods had someone to call upon when help was needed to lay someone out. Articles like Sophie's will I hope help us get back to talking, accepting death as the natural inevitability. However long or short our lives.

Thank you, Ganja. I found this very moving. My mother died three weeks ago and although our experience of her death wasn't similar to the one described in the article, it really brought it home again.

My condolences Lilygran. Prayers are with you and your family.

Lilygran

jane that's rather lovely, I can understand that now.

Conversely, re keeping ways of keeping "in touch": (I think I've written about it before on these forums) - when my mother knew she did not have long ti live, she knitted blankets for each of her three children - mine was a double bed blanket, because she said we would think of her each time we pulled the blankets over ourselves - and she was right of course. On reflection, I think the knitting also helped to soothe her when she was anxious. She made a big deal of giving the blankets to us when they were finished, we had a "handing over ceremony". Today I can at the memory.

lily and everyone who has lost someone .

Oh Grannyknot how nice to read about your Mum's knitting. I am knitting very simple squares blankets for my 2 small grandchildren at the moment. Would like to make a cosy shawl for my daughter too. Like your Mum I am looking at these as cuddles, comfort almost for when I'm not here.
I'm sure knitting soothes, works for me.

I love that, maybe I should ask my mother to get knitting. She might get cross though!

Condolences to you lilygran.

I bought my Mum a blouse before she died and she only wore it once - she was in a home and very severe Lewy Body Dementia (a grim illness that is both like PD and Alzheimers). After she died I took it home and washed it and regularly wear it in the summer.

Thank you to the people who have sent good wishes.

To Lily and all those who are grieving