Gransnet forums

Relationships

Loss of temper

(8 Posts)
Sallywally1 Sun 06-Sept-26 06:32:13

My. DH has always had an explosive temper over relatively trivial incidents. I live in fear of these and as if I am ‘walking on eggshells’. I feel irrationally to blame. He gets over them quickly. But they terrify me at the time. My late mother was the same. My dad was very calm, as I am. He is aware of this and is trying to change. Any help with responses on my part. ?Sometimes it’s like living with a 71 year old toddler. He hates being critiqued too and will turn around any negative comment on to me.

MawsRosie Sun 06-Sept-26 06:42:18

If he has always had this temperament, how have you coped throughout your years together?
If it was new or unexpected one might be thinking signs of dementia but if he has always been like this I can only guess it is perhaps reflecting the increasingly short “rope” many men seem to have as they get older.
If you are truly terrified, you need to get help or get out.
Somehow, in as calm moment the two of you need to talk,

denbylover Sun 06-Sept-26 06:44:58

If I were living with a man like your husband, I’d be very inclined to turn to him and say ‘stop being so dam silly, get over yourself’. Then vacate the room pronto so he can tantrum on his own.

I’m so sorry you have been subject to these unpleasant and frightening outbursts for so long. It doesn’t matter if they are short-lived, it’s what they are doing to you in the meantime.
It all sounds upsetting and hugely selfish on his part.

HelterSkelter1 Sun 06-Sept-26 06:49:46

I have no constructive advice Sallywally1, but just to say it sounds a horrible situation for you at this end of your life and marriage.
Is he physically violent? Do you fear physical violence?

Maybe speak to Womens aid for practical advice. Or your GP.
Have you family to talk to? Has anyone else been party to these outbursts?
I doubt very much you cause these outbursts so don't feel to blame. You say he is trying to change can you get joinf counselling help via your GP to work towards this "change".
You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells.

kittylester Sun 06-Sept-26 07:21:38

Please don't blame yourself. His reaction is his responsibility.

petra Sun 06-Sept-26 07:43:46

SallyWally
You say that he is trying to change.
Has he watched any videos on YouTube such as this one.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYEZlDxhiCM

I’m not suggesting that this is the right one for him but it’s a start.

Gran22boys Sun 06-Sept-26 09:06:25

My DH is prone to exploding over what I consider to be trivial things. He comes round after a period of silence and sulking. I think it’s pathetic in a grown man. He’s not violent but I am sometimes wary of upsetting him. It does taint the relationship. Otherwise he’s fun and caring as well as extremely helpful. His dad was the same so he’ll never change. Retired men can be difficult.

NotSpaghetti Sun 06-Sept-26 09:08:59

Anger management course?
If he does want to change he could really learn.