Advice on being content in my 70s

I think alot of us have experienced unwanted emotions directly linked to covid and confinement and the thought of winter fills me with dread as well. My only answer is to get outside as much as possible and hope it helps

Oh bless you JPB I think your restlessness & anxiety is quite understandable under the circumstances. Bluddy Covid has a lot to answer for doesn’t it?

I’m an avid reader. I don’t have an artistic/gardening/baking/knitting bone in my body
But I do love to lose myself in a good story. I can sit for hours reading. I hardly watch television. I’m sure I miss some good programmes but I also think I swerve an awful lot of dross!

Other than that I’d say go outside for walks. Wait for a break in the weather & wrap up warm. Being outside under a wide sky is not only good for our mental health but fresh air and some exercise helps you feel tired so you should sleep well.

What about a pet for company? Would that appeal?

When the winter lockdown began I did a course on genealogy and made a start on my family tree. I couldn’t wait to get up in the morning and make more progress. I now correspond with distant cousins I didn’t know existed and have met others.
If you find something like that which interests you it will make you more content.
Do keep in touch with friends and relatives by phone and get out as much as you can.

Is it that you’re just plain bored? I can vouch for genealogy - it’s incredibly absorbing and I generally do it in the winter months when there’s nothing to do in the garden, though if I had a greenhouse I could be in it sowing seeds. As you haven’t mentioned gardening perhaps you haven’t got one? Getting out in the fresh air, even just for a walk, does us all good. I love reading too. Are there any local groups that might interest you such as a book club, art class, Pilates or yoga? If not, could you start one? Are you able to volunteer somewhere? Lots of possibilities but much depends on whether you are able to get out and about though I assume you are as you mentioned WI and U3A. A pet is wonderful company but if you are attracted to getting one I hope you’re not offended if I suggest one that’s middle aged or older, as I shall when I no longer have my lovely dog, as I am 70 and would want to ensure as far as possible that I would outlive it. Apologies for ending on a sombre note!

I recognise the anxious panicky lonely feeling you suffer from.
They are all inward self defeating emotions that feed off each other.

You have done very well by joining some very good organisations, so well done you!

But it is hard to find a niche as you say.
What practically can you do? Keep on trying with your attempts.
Think about volunteering with a charity that needs people to phone and chat to others. Which you ca do from home.
You may find this gives you the confidence to eventually venture into a new .ore suitable field for you.

It’s hard JPB I had similar problems through last year and the early part of this one. Similar to Urms no baking, crafting in this house, I do garden and had counselling, CBT, which helped, but two things really got ‘me’ back. Firstly, I bought a greenhouse and secondly I started voluntary work, the latter involves one day a week co-ordinating on the phone, other days driving.
I think you just keep trying things until something gels with you, I wish you the best of luck.

Would you consider helping in a local food bank that would boost you up. Just think about all the people you would be helping getting through difficult times. Also you could ask on this forum for meet ups in your local area here’s hoping something comes your way ?

I agree about volunteering. I love my volunteer roles. Chatting to or visiting someone who is lonely might help you and the other person.

Or is there a charity that you support? Round here, there is a huge need for voluntary helpers in schools.

Hello JPB. I'm usually very busy throughout the spring through till mid autumn when the bad weather arrives. Gardening and project managing a long term house build fill these months. At 72 I try to be as active as possible. A replacement hip has helped?.

I adopted a rescue dog (aged 4) two years ago and she loves her walks. Most people I pass, when I do a trail walk, say hello and those with dogs love to stop and chat. I agree with GSM about an older dog.

In readiness for the long dark nights I have a collection of books but I do like a good TV drama.

I used to do voluntary work when I retired and am thinking of starting it again. My application to Cornwall Mind was filled in the other week to help with a weekly arts group. I'm more crafty than arty but I hope they take me on.

As the others have said, keep trying a few things. Good luck and let us know what you have tried.

JPB, I do sympathise, my own spirits drop at this time of year - awful weather and ever-decreasing light. Have you tried getting a natural daylight lamp to counter SAD? and as was said earlier, do try and get out every day for some natural light.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Retirement activities divide into 2 groups - things we've done before but stopped doing because something got in the way, (job, family, illness) and things we've never tried (lack of opportunity, lack of talent).
Each of us asks ourselves 'Do I want to do this as a solitary activity where I choose when/where or a communal activity where I fit in with other people's timetable and venue?'
Alternatively start your own group? I heard of someone recently starting a group with one notice (on village noticeboard or Facebook - I'm not sure)

JPB123

Having lived alone for 12 years,due to divorce I have become
anxious,panicky and lonely.I am 75 and in good health.I love the Summer and there are lots of activities for me to do,but now I feel bereft.I pace around my house and flit from one thing to another.Yes ,I have been to GP,had talking therapy,which was hopeless,and I joined WI,U3a,and still can’t find my niche.This is a result of Covid pandemic,I’m sure.

When I was your age I broke my right hip and left arm but my son had taught me how to use computer and when he came to see me and asked me how I was I said I was sick of not being able to walk or knit and was getting really edgy because I could not do anything.
His reply was "Mother I taught you how to use a computer so why not write your life story down for future generations? With all that you went through as a child when being ill treated by Sisters -of-Mercy and then being bombed out twice during the London Blitz and machine gunned. Just write about your life and it will help you get through this bad time." It made me mentally pull my socks up and realise how lucky I was to still be here at the age of 75 and up to that accident made worse with having Osteoporosis and still have my mental faculties.

I DID do as he suggested and the book I wrote about the first 20 years of my life was printed with all proceeds after printing costs taken out going to my local Childrens Rainbow Hospice.
I am more than pleased to say that it had made a good 4 figure sum for the hospice and still being sold. Plus I have been invited into schools to talk to the children about WW2 and guest of honour at many venues. Even interviewed by TV.

I am 91 now and in a wheelchair since breaking my other hip that never healed but was asked to be guest of honour in September at a WW2 re-enactment venue.

It CAN be done if you just give yourself that mental kick up the duff to get you started. Good Luck and I hope you have a positive outcome.

Maywalk you are a seriously impressive woman. My hat is well and truly off to you .

Many thanks Mumski.
I have a WW2 website as well which was already well established when I broke my first hip and arm.

Thank you Maywalk.x

Get a dog x

There are some good ideas here. I'm not sure I can top them but I want to reach out and give you a virtual hug, JPB.
I don't think crafting/scrapbooking has been mentioned. It's an interesting pasttime that has me hooked... but may not be your cup of tea. I swim too but I guess that can be quite a singular activity. xx

So sorry but really understand how you feel. Lockdowns made things so much worse especially the last one from January. The one from March through summer wasn’t too bad as could sit out in the garden. Maybe go to local Church or visit a garden centre a lot have coffee shops anything just to see other people. Hopefully you will be able to sort something out take care

Maywalk that was such an interesting post .I'd love to read the book .What a wonderful son you have too ! I am also blessed with two caring children ,it reminded me of something they would do . Definitely hats off to you ?

I too get anxious and panicky and have underlying depression which is very difficult to shake off. Being busy is the key I find. I think, as others have said, the best remedy is to get out of doors whether it is just walking or being in the garden. Until I had a greenhouse I never realised the pleasure they can bring. The larger the better. You can have a fine time in there in the winter listening to the rain pattering on the glass while you're warm and involved. A shop owner on TV recently said there's no such thing as bad weather - only bad clothing. This struck a chord with me and I'm determined to get out this winter whatever the weather. It is so uplifting. Others have come up with excellent ideas such as volunteering. Just to say you are not alone feeling like you do and I really send you my very best wishes and a warm hug.

I am 85, and I am convinced that before covid I felt in my early 60`s and now feel I have aged 20 years, ie. I feel my age!

mind you grieving dh who died a few weeks before covid started here, not sure how much of that affects me..

but I am like you JPB just have to keep on keeping on

I had a bucket list for travelling which has been curtailed for now. Am a semi redundant Nanny as all 5 GC are teenagers now and making their own way in the world, altho they still take me out to lunch now and again. In lockdown I took up baking again, plus I started making patchwork throws for Charity. I meet up with friends every week and go walking, have a Zoom quiz every week with 2 old school friends, and am lucky enough to be close to all 3 AC who include me in their lives a lot. Son number 2 is moving to Jersey next month so I will fly over once a month which will be lovely. I’ve lost 5 very dear friends this past 2 years, so it’s made me 100% focussed on making the most of my life, while I can.