My husband is lying to me

How long have you been together? I ask this because, if you've been together for many years and he's only recently started to lie, this is odd behaviour. Is there a medical problem?

If it's a new relationship, I'd perhaps think carefully about the future.

I suppose we all tell a white or superficial lie now and again.

Why not gently raise it and see what response you get? I suppose also it depends how often it happens.

Good luck!

2nd marriage - 20 years. Other lies over the years and have confronted them but this seems senseless and he’s expecting me to believe rubbish.

maybe he thinks he should be able to go out without being questioned ? I know I would hate someone asking about everything I do.My OH goes missing for hours sometimes ,he's an adult ,its allowed .Let him live his life why do you need to know his every move?

Could be be arranging a surprise for you - birthday, anniversary of Christmas perhaps?

Is it usual for him to tell you where he has been ? It's obviously a cause for concern for you so you need to clear the air, not sure how this will go given your previous experiences.
I agree with paddyann to an extent but its different for you and your husband Lindill

No - he told me he was going to a football match and then said he wasn’t going and had cancelled the tickets and train - which you can’t do. And I wouldn’t dream of going out of the house without saying where I was going - common courtesy surely?

I'm divorced........nip it in the bud Lindi. Don't be like me.... told me he was working late, I trusted him. Used to go out late at night, following a phone call... used to tell me it was a patient ....believed him. Went away for weekends, said he was at a conference........until......
I was turning out his pockets and found a receipt for a Hotel...room for two, the same weekend he was at a "conference"
So do check up on him....if it's a fling, he'll soon think it's not worth it, but if it's a serious affair, he will leave. Better that, than living a lie.
All the best !!

I would leave it this time, and only insist on knowing if it happens again.
Maybe he just didn’t want to go, or didn’t feel up to it.

I am with Lindill, we wouldn't dream of leaving the house without saying where we were going and when we will be back. It was the same when the children were at home. I notice DS and family do exactly the same thing. It is bad manners not to.

Apart from anything else, if anything happens to a family member, you know when to start worrying, finding out where they are and are able to let police know where they were going and what they intended to do.

He usually gets tickets well in advance and leaves them around. None last time or this time. If he just wanted a day to himself I could cope but it’s being taken for an idiot I object to!

Just so that I understand. Did he go out the last time saying he was going to football but you suspect he didn't? And this time he said he was going to football then stayed home?

Yes although the next one is this weekend. Says he’s cancelled everything but as I said - that’s not possible. I don’t suspect an affair due to medical problems and we’re together most evenings & every weekend- I go out more than he does. Just feel hurt over what he expects me to believe and why.

Hmm. You don't suspect an affair so what do you think he might be up to? Does he use the internet? Could he have been chatting to someone online?

Has he told you lies before? It does sound strange behaviour for no good reason.
I also like to know what time people are coming home, if they are having meals etc. That's common courtesy.
Is it totally out of character for him to do this?
Are you always straight with him?

Yes he’s not very straight with anyone but I’ve not pursued previous lapses . I’ve occasionally told a white lie about helping the children and grandchildren as they’re not his and he gets a bit jealous. Suppose I’m just a bit angry at being taken for a fool but no doubt I’ll get over it! And it’s also puzzling me!

There could be any number of explanations but if you think an affair is not an option could it be that he is starting to lose confidence in himself, not wanting to go to football anymore but not wanting to admit it?

How odd......but if we look at it in a clinical way, there are clues that all is not as it seems.
You say he normally leaves any football match tickets lying around and yet he didn't the last time, or this time. Which makes me wonder, did he actually go to a match at all the last time.
And why the sudden cancellation of his plans for the "match" this weekend. Could be that someone else has cancelled an arrangement and he decided to make a stupid lie about cancelling the train and match tickets, when you know this is not possible.
Sorry, but I smell a rat!
If there is some subterfuge going on, he's not very good at it and if you set your mind to it, you could easily solve this problem of why he needs to lie.

I'm sorry but I dont see a need to keep tabs on my OH's every move .If you dont trust someone you shouldn't be with them.Trust is like pregnancy you cant be a bit pregnant and you cant trust someone 90% .Its all or nothing.My OH knows literally hundreds of folk,he often goes to buy milk and meets someone and comes back 2 hours later ...should I put a timer on him when he leaves the house or realise he'll likely be blethering to an old friend?

Lindill only you know the history of your relationship and why your husband's current odd and evasive behaviour is bothering you so much. As other posters have said, it is a common and sensible courtesy to let people know where you are going when you leave the house and roughly when you expect to return.

You could get a thousand views and speculations from other people about how to approach this situation but you really only have two options. Try to ignore or live with the behaviour or ask your husband what is going on and be prepared to deal with his answer - whatever it may be. It may be something quite innocuous or embarrassing or it may be something deeply hurtful.

Only you and your husband can have this conversation. It doesn't have to be an aggressive confrontation but it is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in the context of puzzling and changed behaviour. Not easy. Good luck.

I would also be suspicious in these circumstances. Have there been any other changes in behaviour, such as hiding his 'phone? Do you have access to his 'phone/email etc?
It doesn't sound like the most healthy of relationships if he lies to you about other things and you have also felt obliged to lie when you see your children and grandchildren to avoid his jealousy. Do you love him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

Well if you’re sure he’s not having an affair I think the poster who said could he be losing confidence has a point, or does he normally see friends at the football that weren’t going those weeks, maybe he’s disappointed in the team but doesn’t want to admit it, perhaps he’s gone off football, perhaps he’s not well
You ll never know if you don’t ask him You don’t have to ask in a confrontational way

It is the "not telling the truth" even if the truth is mundane that is unsettling in any relationship and also when the untruth is so blatent. Does he meet up with the same group of football pals? Maybe they had a bust up! However seems odd not just to say. My DH goes to footie regularly & as a season ticket holder can get away tickets etc more easily. Did your DH have a season ticket & forget to renew it? That might make access to away games trickier.

Why don’t you just ask him ?
It doesn’t have to be confrontational. So many problems are caused or made worse because people don’t communicate.

I would check up on him.