MOTHERS DAY. - a different way of doing things.

Lovely story.
I found Mothers Day difficult for a good few years after my mother died - I found it very difficult going into a card shop once they put the Mothers Day cards out.
My children are good at ringing me and sending cards etc. and they are obviously very thoughtful when choosing a card etc - however it would not bother me if they sent nothing - they both keep up great contact with me all the year - phoning writing etc and visiting me - all far more important.
Mothers Day is a different date in France and the USA one is another date too.

I couldn't agree more Welshwife. I would far rather have contact with my DDs on a regular basis than all the sloshy,OTT cards and Interflora bouquets. I've never had lavish bouquets from either my DOH or DDs ... they don't cut any ice with me and I'm not that needy that I need these false reassurances. A ginormous card or a garish bunch of flowers will never replace a hug!

I just wonder could we please call it Mothering Sunday, I hate the Americanisation Mothers Day. Like Welshwife and willsmadnan I am happy with the contact we have with our children, and don't necessarily need a card or present to let me know how they feel about me. I do like to have my birthday remembered though, because that is my special day, not Mothering Sunday.

My daughters have problems in recent years find cards for Mothering Sunday, I have told them if they fail to find one - make one, I refuse to accept Mothers Day

The idea of the post was for mothers who have lost their mothers, haven't got a mother, estranged from their mother/daughter or who might have been or tried to be a mother but couldn't for some reason, ie lost a baby, stillborn, couldn't concieve, etc.
Whatever the reason, Mothers Day, Mothering Sunday, whatever you want to call it..... the idea is to make ALL women feel included.

The thought behind the woman in the story was how to take a situation and transform it into something else.

My mum died when I was thirteen. I was lucky enough for my dad to fall in love with, and marry a lovely nurse who had cared for mum. She is only six years older than me, but did her very best to care for a rather stroppy teenager!
I always take care to get her a nice card, and a small gift as I will always be grateful for the care she took of my dad, and the great step mum, Nanny, and now Great - Nanny she is. We don't live near each other, or meet up much so this day is a chance for me to show how much I love and appreciate her.

Waveney, I think that's very kind of you. I remember a friend who became upset once when someone stood up in a group and suggested all the mothers who had children stand up so they could take a bow, (it was Mothers Day the next day).
She'd just given birth to a stillborn and had been told she couldn't have any more children.
So I think these women, in fact any woman that takes on the role of mother should be remembered in the same way.

Beautiful story, Nina! I imagine it could inspire many mums/daughters, whether they're bereft of a mother/daughter through death or estrangement or whatever.

PRINTMISS, what difference does it make if people say "Mothers Day" or "Mothering Sunday?" If my dm had insisted on my sending cards that were hard to find, back when I was a busy young mum, myself, she would have just gotten some flowers with a brief note (no card) or maybe just a phone call. Isn't it the thought that counts?

Starlady My conversation piece was about the fact that personally I do not like the use of Mothers Day, and no of course it does not matter what it is called, like everything else it is the thought that counts. It would never occur to me to 'insist' on how my children did anything by the way of greetings cards. Each to his own, I just prefer the phrase Mothering Sunday, as indeed do many of my friends, perhaps it is an age thing?
Wouldn't be so keen on Fathering Sunday though

I am dreading Mother's Day because I know it will bring the worst out in me, I.e. Feeling very sorry for myself, because now both of my children live abroad. I know from experience other countries if the do celebrate Mothering Sunday, do so,on a different date so my children won't be aware of it ( I'm assuming). It is hard when you hear your friends going out with their families etc. It is even more stupid because my children are still close to my husband and me and appreciate what we do for them. So I am using this letter to try and make myself buck my ideas up. It's made me realise I should spend my time thinking more about the very special mums my husband and I had and celebrate that. Hopefully I can remember this next Sunday!

I always found Mothering Sunday difficult as my mother expected to be treated like a queen and never gave a thought to the fact that I was a mother too.
Only yesterday I had a conversation with my daughters that it was their day too and all I wanted was for them to enjoy the day and relax. I know that may sound a little self righteous but it is not meant to be. They are both busy, working Mums and the memories of my Mother's attitude are still very strong and I certainly don't want to be like her.

I told my girls not to waste their money on flowers, in a nice way. They are so expensive and only last a few days. So they usually get me something for the garden and I can then remember who bought me it and why.

I had the best Mothering Sunday ever a few years ago. Both my girls live more than 200 miles away and I don't see them more than 3 or 4 times a year. But a few years ago, after thinking they had forgotten me that year because I hadn't received a card, there came a knock on the door and both my daughters were standing on the doorstep. They had travelled by bus all the way up to Yorkshire, just for the day, to see me and say Happy Mother's Day. I will never forget that day and I don't think it would upset me if I never received a gift again because I will always have that memory.

I try to discourage it, cards from little ones, home made are lovely..but I hope to onstill in my children an aversion to all the commercialised affections that we are prey to.

I enjoy seeing my children with their children, tribute enough to the hours I put in and the standards I tried to maintain.

I often find Mothering Sunday hard. I have boys only. On the whole they think cards are a waste of money and trees and I know they have a point. They usually phone, E mail or text to say Happy Mother's Day. The youngest always sends a card but I also have a birthday this month which they did all remember this year( husband reminds them!!) This year one son is bringing his newish Gf to stay for a few days over Mothering Sunday but that is chance!!

Two of my children live locally and both have another mother to cater for (i.e. their MILs), so they know that I am happy not to be the recipient of special attention and that I understand that they cannot cut themselves in two! They always send a card and come round if they can - I am happy with that.

This year I have arranged to go and hear a string quartet in the afternoon, which I will love, and it "lets them of the hook" a bit!

It is now very commercialised, but there is no harm in taking a moment to appreciate your mother, if you have one (I do not).

- or even "off" - my laptop keyboard does not like repeated letters!

I think it's a waste of time and money, benefitting card manufacturers and florists. I know my children love and respect me, and they show me that all year round. I don't need a special day. Bah flippin' humbug! ?

It's difficult in our house as we are estranged from our DD. DS I know feels like he has to overcompensate for missing DD. Nothing gets said and we all pretend nothing surreal is happening. DH gets upset that DD ignores us. Enjoyed the article, although in my situation I would want to substitute anything for DD. I just need to live with it in the hope it gets easier in time. Happy Sunday Ladies x

I think Christmas and other special days are overrated and create a pressure and a burden that is unnecessary. But they are also times that magnify the loss of someone we love too and this means caring for those who might see the day as being a painful one.
That's why I posted the story about the lady in India. She transformed her sadness into growth elsewhere which I think is just amazing. X

At the end of the day, it's just a way to make people go and spent money on a card,flowers or chocolate or even worse a best mum soft toy /plastic ornament. It can be said at any day - 'Thanks Mum ' and mean so much more. I myself am about to have my 4th mothers day without my own mother, am estranged from one daughter ( her choice ) but will receive a card from my other daughter which will be lovely, but for me it's no big hoo-ha.

Poly we are in the exact same situation. It's the first year we've been estranged from DD, so it will be strange. I don't expect, or want, anything from DS, other than a card or a text. He doesn't have to compensate; I love him for him, not as a substitute for his sister.

I, too, hope it gets easier in time.

My mother and I were never that close when I was growing up, but, after my children were born, she always remembered to give me some flowers on Mother Day ( sometimes she even remembered a card as well). She said that even though she aways received her MDay gifts from my sister and me, we were also mothers, and deserved flowers/card etc. My children and grandchildren always remember both me and their other Nana too!

I used to dread Mother's Day. I had a cruel and abusive mother and couldn't bring myself to ever get her a card, but my sisters (who weren't enamoured either but liked to butter her up) always did.

As a result, 2 things happened until she died:.

1. I got an abusive phone call every year telling me what wonderful cards my sisters had sent and demanding to know why I hadn't sent one. I used to reply that I didn't believe in Mother's Day.

2. My children would hear the conversation and never gave me a card as they took me at my word, so I felt doubly "punished".

At work, when colleagues enthused about what they got for Mother's Day, I was pleased for them but felt bad about my situation.

These days I try to feel relief that I don't have to go through it all anymore.

It's very nice to be a recipient of cards etc on Mothering Sunday but I wouldn't worry about not getting anything either. In my view it's just another commercial enterprise. However if my DC want to participate I'll take it in the spirit in which it's given.