MOTHERS DAY. - a different way of doing things.

I think to many of us read too much into the trivia of life; like Mother's Day/Mothering Sunday, birthdays and all kinds of anniversaries and seem to see any dereliction from the required norms as rejection.

What matters is what your relationship is with the family member involved. DS has the memory like a sieve. I may get a MD card or I may not, I may get an apologetic phone call. DH rarely remembers to buy me a card on any special day but we always have a nice meal out. We have been married nearly 50 years and are happy together and it is the same with DS. We have a close and happy relationship with him, DDiL and DGC even though we live 200 miles away.

Yes, a card and flowers are nice, but no necessity, knowing that I am part of a family where we all care for each other is what is important.

I don't expect presents, although I love a little pot of crocus which is what my youngest gave me on a visit yesterday. I do like a 'phone call though. It doesn't cost much and it can be done from anywhere in the world. Nice to know you are appreciated.

Glad you like the story. I thought it was nice. All those trees must have made such an impact on the surrounding environment. I just loved the gesture and the way she transformed a difficult situation. Instead of nurturing children, she nurtured the life form of trees. Beautiful I thought. xx

At my church all the ladies are presented with a primrose in a pot, whether they are mothers or not. My mother died of a second stroke, having been almost completely paralysed and mute for 9 long, long, years and my schizophenic son died 2 years ago, so when I see all those mother's day cards I just find it upsetting. It's such a commercial thing, like Valentine's Day.

Ok, PRINTMISS, I get what you're saying.

Thank you, nina for posting the inspirational article, which I have sent on to my beautiful and brilliant DD1, who has had to face childlessness, while her brother and two sisters are busy starting their families.

I don't give a hoot about Mother's Day or Mothering Sunday, especially as others have said, it falls on different dates in different countries, and our 4 children live all over the world. I do appreciate a call, a skype, a hug, an email, anything that celebrates the great love we feel for each other. These are ongoing and not limited to a commercialised day.

I won't be here for Mother's Day. My most wonderful DiL has just bought me flowers and both her and my son arranged a babysitter so they could take me for Sunday lunch. It was lovely to have them to myself for a few hours. I really appreciated it. Every moment spent with my lovely DiL is now extra extra special to me.

Smileless2012 I agree wholeheatedly. When visits are not possible due to long distance, illness etc., flowers and cards are surely the next best thing....but they are in that sense, surrogate tokens of love. They become 'mere' surrogates for adult children who are able to visit their mother or father, yet can't be bothered. In good faith, my comment was not meant to dismiss long distance mothers and their children. My post is directed primarily at adult children whose elderly parents live in the next town and who rarely visit them if at all.

Never receive cards or flowers as my DC have been brought up- by DH to believe it is a load of commercial nonsense.!

Goodness, to refuse a card because of the wrong wording...... How rude. Whatever next? The wrong picture, wrong colour envelope?

My mother used to send me a card on Mothering Sunday with 'from one Mum to another' written in it. I thought she was mad, but now I understand. When she died, Mothering Sunday lead up was horrible, with so many shops reminding me I didn't have a mother to buy anything for any more. Buying for my DD and DDILs means I still have a reason to buy a card at this time of year. They probably think me mad too, but seem happy to receive them.

Have virtually no contact with one son, who doesn't trust social media of any description, won't talk on the phone, or email or text. Not fallen out, he just doesn't seem to need any contact with his parents any more. But the others never forget, bless them.

But they're not "mere surrogates" for the mothers that live on the other side of the world from an AC. I agree that flowers and cards can never replace a hug but when a hug isn't a possibility, they're the next best thing.

Mother's (and fathers) who have raised, loved and nurtured children selflessly shouldn't just be remembered a single day out of an entire year...they deserve their children's attention all year'round.

I agree that Mother's Day has been too commercialized. Gifts, money etc. are very nice but they are mere surrogates. Visits are the most treasured gift of all. As someone else pointed out....flowers and cards can never replace a hug!

What a lovely story and thread nina. I always looked forward to receiving cards from our boys on Mothers Day, especially when they were little and made them themselves.

The card and flowers I receive from our DS in Aus. are particularly important to me since our estrangement with his brother. I'd love to get the hug I know he'll be sending me in his heart because he's too far away to give it to me in person.

Knowing that I still have a son who loves and cares means more than words can say.

Very rarely a mother's day card. Sometimes a birthday card or Christmas card and anniversary card on the special ones. Ruby anniversary no one remembered as mam has recently died. Don't expect anything then I'm not disappointed. Just my hubby and me trundling along the last bit of highway together. Children can be so cruel and grandchildren follow their parents and great grandchildren are too young to know about loneliness at special times in the year or life.

It's always been Mother's Day for me one daughter always does something for me and with me ....Son in NZ has it on a different day so no greetings from them, and youngest daughter doesn't even remember birthdays so it's hit and miss with her like most on here I think it's overrated and overpriced I expect we ll go out for lunch but nothing too much
I always used to invite mum and dad out for a meal, cards and small presents on Mother's Day and Father's Day although there wasn't a Father's Day when I was young

Mother's Day has become a bit of a nightmare in that my sister, who moved my mother to within five minutes of her and two hours' drive away from me (after mum being equidistant) expects me to 'pop up' constantly. My especial duty is to 'do' Mother's Day to give my sister a rest. Last September, without thinking six months ahead to the moveable feast which Mother's Day is, I booked a holiday starting on Mother's Day. I have already received an abusive e-mail from my sister (to go with the 'usual' ones she frequently sends). Al too horrible. Poor mum.

I don't like any "day" that puts people into the position of feeling obliged to buy a present. However, I suppose it serves as a reminder to some to think of others - Mum in this case.
I digress, bur Lidl currently have an orchid with pot for £10 if you have a Mother to buy for, or like me have to name what you want!

Totally agree with nipsmum
I was happy to have a homemade card (or one from Sunday school) but forbade them to buy flowers at the inflated prices that kicked in for Mothering Sunday. They always acknowledge my birthday which is close to it and I'm happy with that.

Well i agree with others that it's no big deal. They usually send cards but id be just as happy with a text or a phone call, mumofmadboys!! I know they all have their own families now and my sons are busy getting the children to make cards for their own mothers. It does grate a bit however that one son and family always spend the day with hisMiL but she does live a lot closer! I was very close to my mum but she diedyears ago so dont really think about that any more.
Before i had children I had a miscarriage and remember being upset in church when all the children gave flowers to their mothers, so i do think that its a bit insensitive to do that.

I can admit on this site that I find Mothering Sunday difficult- not because of my own Mum as she died at 49 so it is a long time ago.
I never say this at home as my DH would get cross with my boys (he is their stepfather).
I know when sons marry you can get the raw end of the deal as DiLs have a Mum too but all I really want is to SEE them on the day- they live near enough (about 15-20 mins) to drop the children off whenever they want a babysitter ( I love having the children - not complaining about this at all) so surely they could pop in.
No 1 son is separated so no MiL problems there & No2 son's wife lost her lovely Mum last year so this will be 2nd year without her & I'm sure she will want to see her sister & maybe visit the grave. Both boys however could pop round to see me briefly.
I am not saying anything- just waiting to see what happens. No1 son sometimes has to work on a Sunday but his workplace is even nearer here s it would be no problem.
If they do not appear this year I will say something to them as it is daft to get upset if they do not see they are doing anything to upset me. ( DiL has given me a card & flowers on the Friday when I pick DGC up from school for the past few years- I know it is her day too).
I don't want cards or presents- I just want a hug.

My daughters were discouraged when they were young from making a fuss on Mother's day. I get a card from each of them and i know they both care very much for me every day of the year so nothing more is needed. All the fuss is sometimes very false and just salves someone's conscience .

It's very nice to be a recipient of cards etc on Mothering Sunday but I wouldn't worry about not getting anything either. In my view it's just another commercial enterprise. However if my DC want to participate I'll take it in the spirit in which it's given.

I used to dread Mother's Day. I had a cruel and abusive mother and couldn't bring myself to ever get her a card, but my sisters (who weren't enamoured either but liked to butter her up) always did.

As a result, 2 things happened until she died:.

1. I got an abusive phone call every year telling me what wonderful cards my sisters had sent and demanding to know why I hadn't sent one. I used to reply that I didn't believe in Mother's Day.

2. My children would hear the conversation and never gave me a card as they took me at my word, so I felt doubly "punished".

At work, when colleagues enthused about what they got for Mother's Day, I was pleased for them but felt bad about my situation.

These days I try to feel relief that I don't have to go through it all anymore.

My mother and I were never that close when I was growing up, but, after my children were born, she always remembered to give me some flowers on Mother Day ( sometimes she even remembered a card as well). She said that even though she aways received her MDay gifts from my sister and me, we were also mothers, and deserved flowers/card etc. My children and grandchildren always remember both me and their other Nana too!