DILs as friends?

Yes, my DDiL is certainly a friend. Girly days out with DD, DDiL and me are not unknown. The main problem is the distance between us. DDiL and family live 200 miles away, DD, 70 miles away.

I think like any friendship, it is based on the things we have in common, ethical values and commitments, juggling home and work with demanding professional careers, DH's who do/did not work 9.00 - 5.00, and trying to keep an active outside interest going as well.

As ever -it depends. Friends can be found in all walks of life. I hope your DIL can be one for you (and me if I ever get one.!)

I think they can be a friend, but a different sort of friend.

My mother in law and I are most definitely close friends.

My DiL is definitely a friend and am so thankful that we get on so well together. However, as soontobe puts it, she is a different kind of friend. We enjoy spending time together and going on outings but there are some things I just wouldn't talk to her about in the same that I would with my sister or girlfriends.

Back from the dog walk once again, that's another three years added on to my life, according to yesterday's expert! Went later this morning to avoid the quite heavy showers. In between its bright and sunny with no wind quite pleasant really. Hope everyone has a good day.

Oh dear wrong thread, well at least you all know what I've been up to thus far. Will come back later to share my thoughts.

I am good friends with my DIL wife of DS2 she tells me everything she is doing in her life and what she expects to do,we have days out without the men and really enjoy ourselves,if she has a problem I am the first person she rings for advice or support and I can't see things changing,whilst future DIL with DS1 keeps things very close to her chest and does not engage at all,she will only visit with DS and will not talk about their wedding plans to me but takes her mum on outing for wedding dress shopping,but I understand daughters & mums have a closer relationship as I have with mine.

I don't know where I'm going wrong here . Both my DD and DIL live quite close by. I think I have quite a young outlook on life; listen to the same sort of music that they do...watch the same films and tv programmes; take an interest in current affairs etc. Like to think that I don't interfere with their lives or marriages etc etc. But do they ever want to spend time with me [other than if I'm childminding for DD]. Nope. I don't lose sleep over it but I do feel hurt a lot of the time.

Tegan and a ((hug)) x

There are many different types of relationship between DILs and MILs. I have three daughters with whom I have very good relationships but of course I will never have a DIL. However I love both my SILs and feel comfortable if I am alone with them and they often just pop in on their own.

I get on perfectly well with my MIL but I can't say I would call her a friend. I will visit with or without DH and she and FIL are always included in family occasions and welcome any time. I would always help them in any way needed.

However I have always felt rather guilty that I actually have no particular feelings for either of them. They are just DHs parents. Any one else feel this way.

My DIL and I get on very well, and she knows to call me if I can help. I guess I'm lucky, I've loved her from the first time we met.
When I go to stay, and DGS is at nursery we have great time together, but I wouldn't say it was the same as a friend the same age as me, perhaps more like the relationship I have with my daughter?

But every friendship is different; my friendship with DDiL, DD, best friend from school, from DC's childhood, my sister. All are friends, we enjoy each others company and having long natters but the nature of my conversation is different with each one, there are different areas of my life that are not open for discussion with each one.

Friendship has many facets and each friend fills their particular niche to perfection.

I had a very happy relationship with MiL. I sometimes found her easier to talk to than my own DM. However my own DM really didn't like her MiL, although to me, as a child that was not evident. It happened that I was not wild about my paternal grandmother either. She cut me to the quick several times with cutting remarks about me, to my face and to other people (but within earshot of my younger sister, who was outraged, defended me and told me what was said)

I'm lucky also, as mine seems to like me and often invites me to stay. I'd agree about it being more like a daughter/mother relationship.
However, I have had friends, and still do, of a different generation. I think age is less important than the personality. Some people you can like and feel close to whatever the age, but the family connection makes it more complicated.

I had a strange relationship with my son's first wife. I liked her, but he told me from the outset that "she doesn't 'do' families". We were perfectly polite to each other, but she didn't want to spend time with us, which meant we didn't see a lot of our son, unless he came on his own. It was something we came to accept. Then she became ill and died. We would never have been friends as such, and I wouldn't have wanted that sort of relationship, but I found out afterwards that we actually had a lot in common, and I feel we might have got on well eventually. She was very good for my son. My present DiL is totally different and I like to think we get on very well and enjoy each other's company, but I don't think we could be friends in the strictest sense of the word. It certainly wouldn't work for me.

My friend is now my sons partner. Thankfully she is one of my young friends and is his age not mine, that would have been too weird! She is and always has been a lovely girl and I am very fond of her, she pops in often for a chat and a coffee. I think our relationship has changed though and we certainly can't talk about certain things that either of us would have had no problem with before. Only a subtle change but it's definitely there. Tegan my relationship with DD is much the same as yours. We exchange texts, hers are usually very short and to the point, and she's not the 'popping in type so I just accept it. We don't see much of DGS now either, now he can get himself home from school and has located the kitchen, DH and I are surplus to requirements. It makes me a little bit sad too.

I have two DILs one is very volatile and the other is very calm and composed. I asked the volatile DIL if we could be friends and she said it was possible - so living in hope.

I am always cheered up by my meetings with the two ex colleagues who are in the same age range as the DILs because the interactions are really lovely and it makes me think that any probs I have with the DILs are to do with me as a MIL and not me as a person. (MILs do have a bad press)

My own MIL was a very nice woman and my mum was difficult and demanding but I preferred the company of my mum and we were sometimes almost like friends having a laugh together.

I did have a wonderful friendship with my son's MIL but sadly she passed away. The other son's MIL is very competitive and possessive so that hasn't worked out.

I get on well with my DinL and we laugh a lot together. She can at times give my DS some hassle but I try to keep out of it.

My DinL's mother is not well and I suspect may not be with us for long, so I think it is crucial that I keep the relationship good as I think she will need me.

One of the other volunteers that I work with lamented the fact that she would 'lose' her son as he was getting married. I replied 'not if your DIL is your best friend'. She went quiet for quite a long time and then thanked me.

Mine is a friend- it is the best thing about having all sons, you suddenly get female company in tne house. It is a different sort of friendship, in the same way that my MIL is a friend to me.
My SIL and mother are great friends.
You both have to want to make it work- and like each other.
I have never believed the 'daughter for life, son til he gets a wife' rubbish that is trotted out. You don't lose anything- you gain lots.
You have all sorts of different friendships among contemporaries.

It probably helps that DIL and I are very alike and have the same interests, read the same books etc.

My DIL and I were friends before the first grandchild was born. We used to go the ballet, shopping etc., but when the baby was born - things changed.

They are getting better now that the grandkids are older. My DIL went back to work and was conflicted about that as part of her wanted to stay at home. I babysat a lot and that confused our relationship because the baby became very clingy with me because he missed mum.

I'm hoping that the initial friendship will come back as the children get older.

One of my Dil's has been a brilliant friend to me for over 25 years, she is marvellous. We can talk about anything under the sun. My other Dil is lovely too, but works full time which makes it more difficult to spend time with her. I know I am very lucky in having these two lovely ladies in my life, which almost makes up for not having a daughter of my own.
I am aware, of course, that there are times when I have to keep my opinions to myself , but that has got easier with practice!
So, yes, it is perfectly possible for a daughter in law to be a friend.